Second Life

‘What—’ I begin, but then a moment later I realize A

‘Julia,’ she beams. ‘Meet Ryan.’

Another wave crashes. A flush rises in my cheeks; I’m too hot. The hallway recedes; the sound of the music Co

‘Honey?’ says A

I try to compose myself. ‘Yes. I just … I don’t know. I feel a bit unwell …’

‘You look a bit flushed—’ says Lukas, but I interrupt him. ‘I’m fine. Honestly …’ And then a moment later the dynamic in the room shifts again. Hugh has appeared and I watch as he steps forward, saying hello. He’s gri

‘Good,’ says Lukas. ‘Good. I’m a bit worried about Julia, though.’

Hugh turns to me. ‘Are you all right, darling?’

‘Yes,’ I say, even though I’m not. The room has stopped spi

‘I don’t know what came over me.’

‘Well,’ says Hugh, ‘come in at least, Ryan. Come in.’

Lukas thanks him. We go through to the living room, an awkward entourage. Hugh invites Lukas to sit on the sofa, A

‘Have this. You’ll feel better.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ says A

I sip and nod and say yes, then Lukas turns to me.

‘It’s so great to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.’

I smile thinly. ‘You, too.’ I watch as he thanks me, then takes A

‘Yes. Yes, it’s wonderful!’

‘It is!’ says Hugh. He’s turned on the charm, is trying hard to impress. ‘You’re sure you won’t have a drink? Just one?’

Lukas says nothing for a moment, then nods his head. ‘Okay, then. Why not? One won’t take me over the limit. Just a short. You’re sure you don’t mind me dropping in on you like this?’

‘Not at all,’ says Hugh. He goes over to the drinks cabinet and gets out the bottles of whisky, vodka and gin. ‘What’ll it be?’ Lukas chooses a single malt, something I’ve never seen him drink before.

Hugh prepares the drink. Lukas turns to me. ‘A

But they met before Kate was killed, I think, so why did he choose me? It can’t be coincidence. If it were, he’d have been shocked when I opened the door to him tonight. ‘Julia!’ he’d have said. ‘What are you doing here? Where’s A

I realize everyone is looking at me expectantly. The room is quiet, the air heavy and too warm. I’ve been asked a question and need to respond. ‘Yes. Yes. That’s right.’

I look from him to Hugh. One word, that’s all it would take. Is that what he wants? To break me and Hugh up, to detonate the bomb that I’ve placed underneath my family?

‘Sounds really interesting.’ He leans forward. He really does look like someone who is fascinated. Absorbed. He asks me what kind of photos I take, and even though the pain and anxiety is almost physical, even though he’s seen my pictures, even though we’ve lain naked on a bed together looking at my work, I tell him.

He nods, then after a moment he speaks again. ‘By the way, I was so sorry to hear about your sister.’

You bastard, I think. You’re fucking enjoying this.

I nod. I smile, but my eyes are narrowed. ‘Thanks,’ I say. I have to remind myself he didn’t kill Kate, though right now I could hardly hate him more if he had.

He looks at me, straight in the eye. ‘I never met her. I’m so sorry about her … passing on.’

Anger hits me, then. I can’t help it, even though the last thing I want is for him to see how he’s upsetting me. ‘She didn’t pass on. She was murdered.’ You know that, I’m thinking. I look for a sign of remorse, of sadness, even of mischief, but there’s none. I even think I might want him to laugh – then I can just hate him without being scared of him – but he does nothing. Nothing at all. Even his eyes betray no sign that we’ve ever met before; right now, he looks like his own twin brother.

The room is frozen. I’m aware I’ve raised my voice. I look defiant. I’m daring him to say something. Hugh looks from me to him, then back to me. The moment stretches; the only sound comes from Co

The tension thickens, then breaks. Lukas shakes his head. ‘Oh, God, I’ve offended you. I’m so, so sorry. I never know what to say in these situations …’

I ignore him. I’m aware of Hugh, twitching, willing me to say something, but I don’t. I hold Lukas’s gaze. A

He shrugs. He’s staring at me. Hugh and A

Or maybe he doesn’t care. We’re locked in combat, the power is flying wildly from one to the other. We’re both blind to our partners, they’re unimportant, relegated to the status of bystanders. We’re potassium in water, acid on skin. We could burn each other, wreck everything and hardly notice, hardly care.

I open my mouth to say something – I still don’t know what – but then Hugh speaks. ‘Remind me what you do again, Ryan?’ He’s trying to diffuse the tension, and for a moment Lukas doesn’t move. ‘Ryan works in the arts,’ says A

‘I have my own company. In digital production.’

Not what he’s told me.

Hugh nods. ‘Based in Paris?’

‘Yes. I’ve been there for almost five years now. I do a fair bit of travel, though.’

I look at my hands, folded into my lap. With each of his answers it hits again; it was me he was lying to all along, not A

And now he’s back for more. I can’t bear it. Before I know what I’m doing I’ve stood up. But what can I do? What can I say? A