Love's Sacrifice

‘Why did the families want us to marry?’

‘For the bloodline. In your offspring would have run the purest blood of all.’

‘Does Victoria know?’

Her voice is very dry. ‘I believe she is still recovering from the shock of it even as we speak.’

‘Does Hugo know?’

She nods.

‘And… Father? Did he know?’

She looks at me disdainfully, and I marvel at her heartless, carefully expressionless mask. She is like one of those nimble mountain goats. Even on the most precipitous crags she never loses her nerve or her footing. She moves so casually yet so surely as she nibbles on tufts of grass among dangerously loose rocks.

‘We all did,’ she exclaims. ‘You didn’t imagine I had a sordid little affair with Hugo, did you? We pla

‘My God! You’re all mad.’

‘Madness is a subjective thing. At any rate, it would appear we failed, wouldn’t it?’

Twenty-Four

Lana Barrington

Julie comes to see me.

She hugs me. ‘I’m so sorry, Lana,’ she says.

But I am hollow-eyed. I don’t give a damn about people being sorry that my son has been taken from me. I want what I don’t have. I want information. I want to know what Va

I offer her coffee and she accepts. We sit next to each other drinking coffee.

‘Blake will get him back,’ she tells me.

I put my cup down. ‘How do you know that?’ I ask.

She is not daunted by my question. ‘Because I understand what you do not.’

‘What? What do you understand?’ I demand, both my voice and ma

‘I know that Blake is special. Once when you were not there I saw him interact with someone that Va

I look at Julie. ‘You know their agenda, don’t you?’

She nods unhappily.

‘Tell me what it is?’

She looks at me with pity in her eyes. ‘Oh, Lana. Blake does not tell you because it will grieve you.’

My fist co

She looks me in the eye. She is brave. I’ll give her that. A lot braver than I gave her credit for. ‘There is always room for more grief.’

I crumple in shame. ‘Blake believes I am weaker than I am. I want to know.’

‘I hassled Va

‘Why?’

She looks at me sadly. ‘Because there is not a single thing I can do about it.’

‘I’m not a child. I deserve to know.’

But Julie just shakes her head. ‘Trust Blake, Lana. He truly loves you. Everything he does is to protect you.’

I lean back in frustration. ‘OK, OK. Forget I asked. The truth is, I don’t care. I just want Sorab back.’

‘And you will,’ she says with total conviction. Conviction I wish I had.

By the time Billie arrives with a bottle of vodka, Julie is gone. She doesn’t say anything, simply finds two large water glasses and fills them up, spilling quite a bit. I can see that she is already more than half sloshed. She comes to the table where I am sitting and pushes a glass toward me. I shake my head.

‘Didn’t think you were afraid of a little vodka,’ she slurs.

Oh, what the hell! She’s right. Maybe this will help dull the pain. I take the glass and start drinking it like it is water. I can see Billie’s eyes widening.

Halfway down the glass, I have to stop. I feel sick. I put the glass down and look at Billie. ‘This is not going to help.’

‘You’re strung up tight like a bow. You need to loosen up.’

‘Loosen up? For what?’

‘It’s not your fault,’ she says.

‘What, no flip remark! You’re losing your touch, Billie.’

‘Um, yeah. Maybe.’ She looks sheepish.

I take a deep breath. The alcohol is already singing in my head. But I don’t feel any happier. In fact, I feel a bit sick. I put my head in my hands. ‘I don’t feel so good, Bill.’

‘Did you eat today?’

‘No, not yet.’

‘Oh shit. Do you want something to eat now?’

‘No.’

‘Come on, I’ll put you to bed for a bit.’

In my bedroom I fall on the bed and lie on my side and groan.

‘Fuck, Billie, the room is spi

‘It’s not really.’

I close my eyes and I feel Billie lie down beside me.

‘I miss that kid,’ she says and hiccups.

My heart does a little somersault. ‘Me too.’

‘He has the clearest, sweetest eyes. You could dive in and drown in them.’

‘Yeah.’ I smile to think of them. ‘I think of them as pieces of sky boiled down to fit into his irises.’

‘And he has this great cartoon chuckle.’

‘Cartoon chuckle? He has a great laugh.’

‘Oh God, don’t you go all “my son’s poo’s a better color than yours” on me now.’

My laughter is both drunken and sad.

‘I never wanted children until Sorab,’ she says.

That sobers me. We are both silent for a while. My limbs feel heavy and my head feels odd.

‘What the hell am I doing, Billie? Getting drunk at a time like this?’

‘Nothing. It was a bad idea of mine. Just go to sleep.’

‘Big stinking pile of smug. That was me.’

‘Stop it.’

‘Things between me and Blake are not good.’

I feel her body stiffen. ‘Did you argue?’

‘No. That’s just it. All the passion is gone from our relationship.’

Her body relaxes. ‘You’re a silly muffin, Lana,’ she chuckles.

‘You don’t understand, Bill,’ I insist.

‘When he comes back tomorrow, tell him you went to bed with me and we’ll see how far banker boy’s passion has fallen.’

I feel her hand come around my waist and her body spooning mine. Her big new boobs push into my back. They feel warm and firm and not uncomfortable. ‘Thanks, Billie,’ I mutter and wriggle closer to her. Almost immediately I feel myself slipping into sleep.

Hours later I feel Billie’s hand being removed and I half-open bleary eyes. My head is throbbing. Blake smiles at me.

‘You’re home early,’ I mumble.

‘And what a lucky thing I am.’ He carries me to the spare room, tucks me under the duvet and climbs in beside me.

‘Nobody gets to sleep with my little angel except me,’ he whispers and spoons my body exactly as Billie had.

Twenty-Five

Victoria Jane Montgomery

I lie on my bed and look at the moonless night and desperately wish the phoenix would come to me. There is no more peace for me since I found out that Blake is my half-brother, and I can’t have the revenge I had so carefully pla

Once I loved him. Now I want nothing more than my revenge. I keep dreaming that I am pouring boiling oil into Blake’s bitch’s belly button. She screams like crazy as her skin peels and her flesh and fat bubbles and cooks like a piece of steak on a grill.

God, I hate her so much.

If only the phoenix would come again to me. I can ask it for its blessing. For I am frightened. I feel that something strange is happening to me. I hear the sounds of knives being sharpened in my head and I’m afraid I am losing my grip on my sanity. Perhaps it is because I am locked up here with all these crazies that I am becoming one too.

There are voices in my head now.

Every day these disembodied voices grow stronger and more relentless. They madden me with their harsh cackles and calls for revenge. They want blood. Blake’s blood. I no longer dare attend group sessions. Fortunately, the policy here is that it is not compulsory. I dare not talk to anyone. What if I lose control and one of the voices takes over?