Mambo in Chinatown

I was irritated. Couldn’t anyone speak clearly? “Now you sound like the Vision.”

“Follow your heart. Choose to become the woman you should be, the one your ma would wish for you.” His leg stilled. He was done.

—

The studio was wound up in excitement about the upcoming competition. Ryan and I performed our mambo from begi

“What did you think?” I asked Nina afterward.

“You were amazing! I can’t believe how fast you both have improved.”

“Do you think Adrie

“That’s hard to say, Charlie. It does seem a bit . . . well, you know, flat at moments, but that’s a lot better than not knowing what you’re doing.”

Ryan and I had been careful to be restrained with each other, so it was probably that deadening of feeling that she sensed. Although I still felt the same way about him, I made sure not to let it show. Evelyn and Ryan took a few lessons together, so they could practice their father-daughter dance for the wedding, which was to be the weekend before the competition. After all of their lessons, he and Evelyn had no trouble dancing together at all. I was grateful I didn’t need to teach Ryan and Fiona. She’d be coming back soon and they’d catch up. It shouldn’t hurt this much.

When I told Evelyn how wonderful she and Ryan looked, she said, “You’ve done such an incredible job with him. Thank you.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Just keep talking about me like I’m not here.”

When I laughed, he’d looked at me, just a moment too long, a shade too intensely. Although I immediately changed the subject, I saw Evelyn watching us both throughout the rest of the lesson.

During a private lesson with my Asian doctors, Jason and Naomi, I said, “Tango basics across the room, left turns around the corners and, if you feel like you can handle it, throw in a couple of fans.” Sometimes teaching dance reminded me of ordering food at the noodle restaurant.

In the middle of one of Naomi’s fans, Jason whipped a handkerchief out from behind her ear. “This is for you, Charlie. For good luck at the competition.”

“Thanks so much,” I said, touched. It read “Mambo #1.”

Jason said, “And don’t forget my offer about your friend. Just let me know if you need my help.”

“Actually, I’ve been wondering about something.” Todd’s words that there might not be an illness involved had given me some hope. I turned to Naomi. “What was it you said about your work? That sometimes a physical problem can come from mental stress or something? In Chinese medicine, it’s the same. They believe emotion and physical pain are always related. Could that possibly be what’s happening?”

Naomi nodded. “It’s always a possibility. A traumatic event could cause symptoms that are physical. I had a girl who went blind. After therapy, just talking about the problems in her family, she regained her sight.”

Jason said, “I’d have to caution you there, Charlie. It’s tempting to believe that, so we don’t have to face that something could be seriously wrong with someone we care about. We always have to rule out the physical causes first. Most of the time, a disease is going to be the reason.”

—

In the week before the competition, I came home from the studio to find Pa waiting for me. Lisa was already asleep. Without a word, he beckoned to me to come into his room so we wouldn’t wake her. He held out something in his hand. It was my salary slip, which I was always careful to hide. He must have found my stack stashed in the back of the closet where we kept our mattresses. Underneath was a copy of my entry form for the scholarship. I was sunk.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked. “You’ve been acting so difficult, I decided to look through some of your things to see if something else was happening that I didn’t know about.”

The slip read “Avery Dance Studios.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to say, “That’s the name of the computer place I’m working for.” I even constructed the entire lie in my mind. I’d tell him that even dance studios needed a data team and they just happened to be my employer. But I’d had enough of falsehoods. The studio, the dancing, my entire new life flashed before my eyes and I found myself saying to Pa, “That’s where I work.”

His voice was tightly controlled. “As what?”

“A dancer.”

He pulled his hand across his face. “How can you disgrace us like this?”

I stared at him until I understood what he meant. “I am not a stripper!”

“What are you then?”

“A dancer! Like Ma was.”

Everything about him stilled. “Don’t you talk about your ma like that.”

“I’m a professional ballroom dancer. Why can’t I compare myself to Ma? I’m her daughter.”

“Your ma was the most beautiful—”

I cut him off with a fierce whisper. “No one loved Ma more than I did, but you have to stop that.”

“What?”

“Stop making me feel like I’ll never be as good as she was. I’m not her, I’m me. And I have a right to be myself.”

He gentled. “I never meant to make you feel that way, Charlie. Just, your ma was a trained classical dancer. Who would hire you as one?”

My voice was weak. “They didn’t. They took me on first as a receptionist but I was terrible.”

Pa stared, confused.

“So they gave me a job as a dancer.”

He scratched his forehead. “They’re crazy people.”

“Yes, they are. They taught me. I’m not bad. I teach lessons—waltz, tango, mambo.”

“Are you dancing with men? And what is this, then? Is this for lessons?” He waved the competition form in his hand.

I decided to pretend I hadn’t heard the men question. “No, I’m doing a show.”

“You are a showgirl! How can this be, my own daughter?”

“Pa! I have never given you any reason to—”

“I was too easy on you, I know it.”

It all flowed out of me. “You’ve always been living in your own world. You think that if you stick your head in the sand, everything will go away. Well, it won’t. I’ll tell you something. Winston and I already dated. He left me because he didn’t think I was cool enough. And I love to dance. It means everything to me. I’ve had to hide what I really did, what I actually cared about, for so long. But it’s my fault too. Maybe I should have given you a chance.”

Pa’s throat turned bright red. “You are not going to this competition show. This wild society, this America is no good for us. We need to go back home. Lisa has to return to China, and you too.”

“You see! This is why I could never trust you.” I felt the blood pulsing in my ears. Behind the anger, I was scared of losing everything: my dancing, Ryan. “I am doing the routine and I’m not going to China.”

“I am your father!”

“Hush! You’re going to wake Lisa. There is no way you can stop me from doing the competition or make me go to China. I’m an adult, Pa. You can’t dictate my life.”

He looked as if I’d slapped him. I hated how much this had hurt him, that he couldn’t understand.

“Then Lisa will. I will have Uncle book the tickets as soon as possible. I can save one of my daughters at least!” He opened the door and waited until I left his bedroom, then shut the door hard behind me.

Twenty-Three

R yan went to Evelyn’s wedding. I couldn’t stop picturing them in my mind that entire weekend: Ryan dancing with Fiona, Ryan and his number with Evelyn, Evelyn and Trevor doing their wedding dance. I wondered how Ryan felt when he saw his girlfriend again. I would have been out of place there anyway. I’d only seen western weddings in films, with the bride in white, the Chinese color for mourning. If I ever married, I’d wear red and gold.