Mambo in Chinatown

“I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

I was on my own.

—

The first time I saw Nina and Keith dance together, a pang ran through me. She was simply stu

Nina existed in a relaxed glow that just made you want to be near her. She made it all look easy. I saw Keith smiling with her and knew that her popularity in high school hadn’t been because of her looks. It was just Nina. Despite their age difference, Keith and Nina looked fantastic together. He blossomed as well, dancing with a passion and freedom I hadn’t seen in him before. Watching their rumba, my heart rose with the thrill of the dance, then sank as I thought of the competition. Of course Nina had learned their routine in a heartbeat. They would undoubtedly win. For a moment, I was consumed by jealousy.

Then I remembered something Ma once said to me. “The hardest part of making a sacrifice isn’t the moment when you do it. That’s the easiest. You’re too busy being proud of yourself for being so noble. What’s hard is the day after that and the following one and all of those days to come. It’s needing to make that sacrifice over and over again, the rest of your life, while in your mind, you can still taste that which you lost. Or what you think you lost.”

—

Now that Lisa was out of school for the summer and didn’t need to keep up appearances, I felt like she wasn’t even really trying anymore. I gripped Lisa’s upper arm with one hand and the stopwatch with the other. Pa was on the left side of Lisa, propping her under her armpit, straining a bit from the effort. Lisa let us hold most of her weight. I hated being at home more and more. But I continued to make Lisa do her exercises, not because I still believed I could save her that way, but because I couldn’t think of anything else to do for her. I’d told Mr. Song that my father refused to sign the documents. He’d offered again to talk to Pa but I knew that would do more harm than good.

“I’m tired,” she said. “I hate this. Let go of me.”

“Just another minute and then we can stop, Lisa,” I said. There was no response. She swayed, then tried to drag herself back into her chair.

“Lisa? Hey.” I had to struggle with her body to keep it upright. “Stop it! Stop!” I yelled. Her left arm flailed out and struck Pa in the stomach. He hung on.

Suddenly, all of the frustration and fury burst inside me. I grabbed Lisa’s arms and held them to her sides. “Stop it! Lisa, what are you doing? Do you care about anything anymore? What is going on? Just talk to me!”

“Charlie, it’s all right,” Pa said. I barely heard him.

“Let her go,” he said, pulling at my arm. I didn’t look at him.

Lisa was staring into the distance, beyond my face, still leaning her body backward. I shook her, twice, hard.

“Let her go!” Pa cried.

“Lisa!” My entire body was boiling hot. “What is happening to you? Why are you like this? Tell me!” I was shouting into her face.

Lisa stirred weakly. “What?”

“No! Stop being like that. Stop it!” I grabbed her under both armpits and shook her. Lisa slumped, off balance. Her head rolled back and forth. I swung my left arm and slapped her hard.

“Enough.” Pa’s face was wet with tears. “Enough!” He grabbed me and pulled me off of my sister. She sank into a chair, while I batted weakly at Pa’s arm. Her cheek was crimson. She was gasping, as if she was too stu

I ran from the apartment.

—

There was nowhere I could go to escape myself. I fled to the temple and knelt on one of the burgundy cushions in front of the goddess Kuan Yin. I bent my head so no one could see my expression. I felt like I was ru

After a while, a figure approached. I looked up to find one of the monks, clad in his saffron robes. “I apologize for the intrusion but walking meditation is begi

“I’m sorry.” I stood up with haste and wobbled for a moment on my feet.

He steadied me with a hand. “I wish you peace.” His face seemed ageless and kind.

I could feel the weight in how he held my forearm. He was present in every gesture. “I just hurt someone I love.”

“The great gods have great compassion. They have already forgiven you. You did not act from evil.”

I took a half breath, unable to fill my tight chest completely. “She’s young and defenseless. We promised never to hurt her.” Corporal punishment was common in many traditional Chinese families but Pa and Ma had never believed in it. Even though Uncle had told Pa he was spoiling us, Pa had never raised a hand. But now I’d struck her and, more important, I’d betrayed her trust in me.

“To be human is to be under assault. So much around us leads us to close ourselves off, to harden. And sometimes we act thus. But in spite of all this, we must choose to open, and to open again. Breathe. Open. You will be all right.” With that, he left.

I did as he said and felt the scent of oranges and incense seep into me. I moved to the back of the room to join the line that was already forming for walking the winds of fate, which was what we called this form of meditation. We believed that this was a way to turn aside the evil winds of fate that entered every life. Slowly, I gave myself over to the chanting of the monks as I followed the line of practitioners circling the temple. I did not find salvation, but something of the turmoil inside quieted. When the walking meditation was over, I realized Todd had been a few feet behind me in the line. I’d always thought witches avoided temples since they were willing to engage in darker rituals the monks would never condone. Monks had contact with the true gods, while witches trafficked with the petty ones. I avoided his eyes and hurried away before he could greet me.

—

I returned to the apartment, where Lisa was sleeping on the couch. I bent over and kissed her on her hair. She stirred, realized it was me, then turned away, huddling into the cushions. I deserved it. I held her anyway. “I’m so sorry, Lisa.”

A heavy hand clasped me on the shoulder. It was Pa. He looked at my face, then without a word, he took me in his arms.

Twenty-Two

Aweek later, I was surprised to find a text from Grace on my phone saying she wanted to see me. She must have gotten my number from Godmother Yuan. I met her on a park bench in Gossip Park the following Sunday in the early afternoon. She was waiting for me, as perfectly made-up as a doll, with huge and darkly fringed eyes. I wondered if she was wearing those circle lenses Mo Li had.

I felt strange as I stood there. “Hi, Grace.”

Grace held her hand out to me. “Charlie, it’s good to see you. I know we haven’t been friends in a long time.” Her honesty made me more comfortable, and I gave her hand a quick squeeze as I sat down next to her. She gave me a rueful smile. “I just don’t know who to talk to anymore. I need your help. My family is going nuts and I don’t know what to do.” She stared into the distance. “They want to marry me off. You remember that matchmaking session back in March was a disaster. So now they’re taking things a step further.”