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Martin realized he was wasting time—Bob couldn’t last much longer, no way—but he had no idea what he was supposed to do, what he was supposed to look for or find here, so he fumbled in the dark until he found the small desk lamp attached to the head of the bed and snapped it on.
It was only a forty-watt bulb, but that was all it took.
Dear God, he thought. No one should have to die like this.
It wasn’t just that Bob’s skin had the grey pallor of spoiled meat, or that his hands had locked into shapes that more resembled talons; it wasn’t even the smell of him—dried blood, ruined bowels, the mold from the sheets and the blankets, something both pungent and moist that could only have been a freshly-burst infected bedsore—no; these were bad enough, sure, because goddammit no one should have to endure a death this cruel: it was, simply, that Martin Tyler was looking at the crystalline image of his very worst fear: that he was going to end up old, sick, alone, and forgotten, living out the remainder of his empty days in some dim little shabby room with no one to talk to or care whether or not he woke every day to the promise of more loneliness, feeling like his life had amounted to nothing.
No one deserves to die like this.
Bob pulled in another terrible, thick, rattle-wheeze-pop! breath (the Death Rattle, Martin remembered a nurse using the term during his dad’s final hours; the Death Rattle), then sank farther down into soaked-through mattress.
“Hi, buddy,” said Martin. Whispered. Wept.
He found a rickety wood-backed chair that he pulled over next to the bed and—after testing it to make sure it would support his weight—sat down.
“Long time no see,” he said.
. . . rattle-wheeze-pop!
“I wish I remembered more about you, I really do. I’m sorry. I—Christ, I’m not even sure you can hear me. When each of my folks died, near the very end, one of the nurses told me that they could still hear me if I wanted to say something to them, tell them I loved them or say good-bye, and as much . . . as much as I wanted to believe that, I couldn’t bring myself to say a goddamn thing. I just sat there and watched them die. And even then it felt like . . . because I didn’t talk to them . . . it felt like I was failing them one last time.”
. . . rattle-wheeze-pop!
“I don’t think I can do this again, Bob, I really don’t. But I can’t think of what else to do. I don’t know where to go from here, can you understand that? Jerry didn’t have the chance to tell me. I’ve gotten this far but from here on . . . I’m winging it.”
. . . rattle . . .
“So I’m going to sit here for a minute while I try to think of my next move and keep you company, all right? I think maybe you’d like that. I hope so, anyway. I think maybe you didn’t have a lot of company, and you would’ve liked some.”
. . . wheeze . . .
“I’m sorry that you were so lonely that spending twenty minutes with me was a high point in your life. I wish I’d known that. I’ve never been anyone’s high point before.”
. . . pop!
“If it helps, that watercolor I bought from you is my prize possession. I really love that picture, you know? You were good; you were really good.”
. . . rattle . . .
“I’ll remember you, I promise. Even if no one else does, I will. Does that count for anything?”
. . . wheeze . . .
“I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone, if that’s all right, since we’re here like this, just you and me. All my life, I’ve
(been half in love with easeful death)
felt lonely. Even in a crowd of people, or with people I know, even the few times I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve felt that way. I’ve spent so much time looking back at the bad things, or imagining the good things ahead that never get around to happening, that I’ve . . . I’ve missed out on most of my life. You ever feel like that? Like you’ve
(Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme)
been living just outside the frame of the movie, except it’s in the frame where all the real living is happening?”
. . . pop!
“Ah, well, shit. My head really hurts, and I’m tired, and I’m scared right down to the marrow of my bones. And I sound like a whiny little kid. I’m sorry.”
He reached out touched one of Bob’s hands, gently stroking its surface; it felt rock-hard, clammy, a brittle used-up echo of something grand that once was.
“Why couldn’t I talk to my folks like this, at the end?” And son-of-a-bitch if that didn’t open the goddamn waterworks again. Martin didn’t fight it; he just leaned down his head and placed Bob’s hand against his lips, kissing it once, not too quickly, then pressed it against his forehead as he cried, and once he almost lost his grip but managed to grab hold before Bob’s hand dropped back down and—
—and Bob was holding something.
Martin slowly turned Bob’s hand around—wincing at the sound of the frail bones cracking—and moved it a little more toward the light.
Bob was clutching a piece of paper that had been wadded into the size of a lime.
Carefully working it free of Bob’s frozen grip, Martin smoothed open the sheet of stationary.
Hello, Dipshit, read the salutation.
Martin almost gri
The letter continued:
Since you’re reading this, then Gash woke up before I could finish telling you what you need to do.
Yes, I figured that you’d end up holding Bob’s hand; cop to it or not, you’re a hand-holder; held your dad’s hand, held your mom’s, it only stood to reason . . . .
Second floor above what used to be DeVito’s; first room on your left at the top of the landing. Bob’s old apartment many years ago. The painting is there, so is the key to the museum. You’ll know the key when you find it—or when it finds you. There’s a flashlight under the bed, you’ll need it.
Be careful; once you’re inside, Gash will know and he’ll come looking. Make damn sure he doesn’t spot you—and more important than that, make sure you don’t see him. It, actually. Trust me on this: you lay eyes on that thing, you’d sooner rip them out of their sockets than have to look at it a second time.
The exhibit you want is called Rights of Memory. In it, you’ll find a piece entitled As Was, As Is. Smash the case, and take the piece out of the museum. Once you’ve gotten out, destroy it—and don’t let your heart or hand be swayed by its appearance, that’s what Gash wants.
This piece is the disease; it is the physical form of the Alzheimer’s that is killing Bob; Gash is what the Alzheimer’s is becoming. As long as he and it are in the same place, the process can’t be stopped. He’s been using other pieces from inside the museum to build himself; when Bob dies, he will ingest As-Was and be complete. It is the single most powerful source of his strength; destroy it, and he’s toast.
No, this won’t save Bob, but it will stop Gash and buy the rest of the Substruo time to repair the foundation while they wait for Bob’s replacement to come of age.
Then there’s one last thing that you’ll need to do, and it’s going to take nerve.
Here Jerry had drawn an arrow at the bottom of the page. Martin turned over the letter and read the two short lines written there.
“Oh, no . . . .”
From the bed, Bob released another rattle-wheeze-pop! Martin looked at him. The gaps between each breath were growing longer. And Martin knew what this meant; he’d known it with Dad, known with Mom. There was maybe an hour left; probably less.
He grabbed the flashlight from under the bed, rose from the chair, leaned down, kissed Bob’s forehead, whispered, “Good-bye, my friend; I will keep you in my heart always,” then walked across the room, kicked aside the crate, wrenched open the door, and ran. And ran. And ran. Hitting the street, he kept ru