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"Ever catch him in Houdini, Mark? Or see the TV movie they made with that actor who played on Starsky & Hutch? Did you know you can learn things from books and movies, Mark?" He wiped some perspiration from his neck. "Did you know, for instance, that in both movies about Houdini they describe how he was able to control his abdominal muscles and gag reflex to prevent himself from vomiting up things he swallowed, like keys? Keys he used to unlock himself from the restraints and chains they'd put him in before locking him in a trunk and dumping it in the water? Oh, yeah—the TV movie got really graphic about it, and almost all of his biographies went into a lot of detail about how he trained himself to do it. He used to say that anyone could learn how to do what he did, if they had enough discipline." His right leg was going so fast now you'd almost mistake it for not moving at all.
"Well, Grendel made sure all of us had that kind of discipline, didn't he? Didn't he?" His arm shot out and he hit the dashboard with his fist. "No matter how much or how little we'd eaten, no matter how long it had been since we'd gone to the bathroom or how badly we needed to go, no matter what got shoved up inside of us, we learned how to keep control, how to maintain discipline. I got really good at it. As of today, providing that the object isn't longer, wider, or thicker than my index and middle fingers combined, I can hold it down my throat or up my ass indefinitely, doesn't matter how bad it tastes or how much it hurts, old Christopher here can take it! Not only can I take it and hold it, I can puke it up or shit it back out at will! Don't even have to think about it anymore, that's how good I've gotten, it's just"—he snapped his fingers—"and out pops the prize—oh, it took time, and it took practice, but I had lots of both to work with."
He was past being agitated and moving toward frantic. "I think I'd like to start playing 'Bury the Cow' now, please."
He hit the steering wheel with the side of his fist. "Oh, no you don't—it wouldn't be fair, and being fair is important, fairness is what a good person shows another to prove that their word means something, and I gave you my word, Mark, and because I haven't answered your question yet we can't start playing 'Bury the Cow' because that would mean I was going back on my word—and, besides, now I want to answer all of your questions, so, let's see now—where were we? Oh, right—Houdini."
I thought he was going to rip the steering mechanism, wheel and all, right out of the floor and then take a bite out of it. He was beyond manic; he was in the grip of a sudden, blistering, searing rage that bordered on outright hysteria; he seemed about a breath away from insanity.
There are no words for how stark staring terrified I was right then; none at all.
I opened my mouth to speak, but a quick flash from his eyes killed the words halfway to my immediately- and wholly-dry tongue; I was so startled by that flash—how in a blink he ceased being Christopher and instantaneously metamorphosed into this possessed, snarling, livid, agonized, howling, frenzied thing that I knew would tear out my throat as soon as look at me—I was so shocked by it I'm surprised I didn't wet myself.
Maybe Grendel's discipline was contagious.
"All right, then," he yelled, beating a rapid drum roll on the wheel. "After Houdini—but before Mad Max, there was The Great Train Robbery—Sean Co
"Ha! Oh, fuck me we were on fire!—On fire, Mark!—He had actual antiques in the house, you know that? Just-in-case. You never knew—no, you didn't—you never knew who might be monitoring things, never knew if Dirty Harry and the boys might come busting in to check things out, so he had 'em, genuine antiques all over the place—a lot of them were chests and cabinets that didn't come with keys and you sure as hell didn't want to damage their resale value by messing up the locks—Grendel got himself a key-making machine and even showed Arnold and me how to work it and make keys—what the hell did he worry?—it wasn't like we could get to the important keys, the special keys, no—those were on his very important, very special, terribly personal über-extending keychain that was always hooked onto his belt—only the thing is, there's a scene in the movie where Lesley-A