Filth

– New . . . I mean Artie. He had just come oot ay detox the week before for his coke problem. He had the heebeegeebees big-time and this spastic with a shrill voice started giein it loads aboot getting a fucking lawyer and making a fucking phone call when Artie was just trying to ask a few simple questions.

Gillman smiles, in the cold ma

When I return, I find Toal back on the blower. He’s on about the lack of progress again, which means that Niddrie’s been on to him and somebody’s kicked Niddrie’s erse. Nowt surer. Not my problem so

I head for the bogs with the paper to have a wank to Jilly from Bath. Somebody has written in magic marker over the graffitti in our favourite trap, new graffiti. My blood runs cold for a moment:

HALF-MAN

HALF-SPASTIC

ZERO COP

ROBBO COP

THE FUTUE OF LAW ENFORCEMENT MY ARSE

I can’t concentrate on Jilly from Bath now. All I see in my hand is a flaccid, flaky, itchy cock. I scratch and claw at my bollocks. Fu

Nice try spasticworks!

Ha. No way, Jilly’s here . . . Jilly from Bath, you fuckin little hoor . . . Le

. . . I’m coming . . . I’m spurting mair muck than a Weedgie on amphetamine sulphate and Toal and Le

That was a good one.

After a Christmas canteen di

– Ken what he says tae me, we ask Ray Le

– Naw, Ray replies, chopping out another quality line.

– He goes: The craft’s changed. Ah goes: What dae ye mean?

– Fuckin spastic.

– And he turns roond and ye ken what he says tae ays then?

Ray shakes his head.

He goes: If ye dig yerself intae a hole, di

– What’s that cunt on aboot? Le

– Ah goes: What dae ye mean by that? He says: Just what I said. Di

– Cheeky cunt, scoffs Le

– See, he’s feart Ray. He’s feart ay our craft co

– Naw.

– Eh goes: Craft co

– Eh! What a fuckin . . .

– But wait till ye hear this, then eh sais, wait till ye hear this yin, eh goes: Besides, you’re no the only one wi craft co

– Hah hah ha! What a fuckin wanker! That’s . . . that’s . . . ah mean, ye ca

– Exactly Ray. That’s what we felt like saying: You ca

Ray smiles and then lets a silence hang for a bit. I can feel the cunt has been working up to something. – Listen Robbo, I’ve got something to tell you, he says, lowering his voice, – I don’t want you getting the wrong end of the stick, that’s why I’m telling you first. I want to get on in the department, but I’ve no real chance of a promotion over the next few years. Not enough experience.

You’ve just got your D.S. you cheeky wee cunt. Of course you huvnae goat enough experience. – I du

– I was even thinking of applying for the D.I. vacancy in the reorganisation myself. I ken I’ve nae chance, but it would be a good idea to give myself the experience of applying for some of those jobs, of going through a couple of promotion board selection procedures, just soas I know what tae expect when I am experienced enough. I’d hate to think that a couple of years or so down the line, when I was ready, that I’d fuck up, simply because I’d no experience of a panel interview. What do you think?

I think you’re a smarmy wee cunt. – Don’t see why not Ray, can’t do any harm, I nod.

Ray Le

Treacherous Ray Le

– Not a bad idea Ray, we wheezingly repeat, – can’t do any harm . . . puts a marker for the future.

– That’s it Robbo, just fly up a wee kite to let them know who Ray Le

Criminal Le

When he goes to the toilet I watch the hoor-house red cushion covers on his settee retreat under the implacable heat from the end of my cigarette. I do a few more of these, then turn it over.

Merry Christmas Mister Le

Christmas Shopping

Cuntybaws Le

C&A’s catches my eye, as I need to get some new fla