Filth

I fancied some fucking coke awright, in fact I had some on me. Especially after Toal’s news, Drummond heading up the team. Toal. The cunt’ll not be happy until he turns me into a fuckin junky.

Me answering to a silly wee lassie?

shake off Bladesey after I’ve pumped the sorry cunt for more information about Bunty’s mental state. Then we abscond back to his flat. Ray’s place is furnished post-Thatcherite nouveau schemie single-shagger style. That is to say, no real style at all. It’s dominated by a red suite, a two-seater velvety love-couch and matching chair. It’s like a hoor’s room back in the Dam! I’m no sitting in that couch, Le

Ray’s looking for the mirror, spoon and razor-blade kit I brought him back from the Dam. He reckons that it gives extra quality tae the chop and never uses credit cards indoors now. I realise that the set cost me the equivalent of twenty quid in UK cash and feel a resentment rise up in my chest. It was a moment of weakness giving Le

Le

– The last sniff I got off these morons I busted, I’m telling you Robbo, what a total waste ay time. There was so little coke in it, I should’ve just left the spastics to it and saved myself the fucking paperwork. They’d have felt a hell of a lot worse if they had done that rubbish than they did getting a poxy two hundred quid first offence fine.

Le

– Urquhart. Surprise surprise, Le

– Mr fuckin pat-oan-the-heid-and-pe

– Conrad fuckin Donaldson defending the cunts as well, Ray scoffs.

I smile at that name. I wonder how his wee lassie’s doing. We could handle another gam fae that little sweetheart. I kid you not.

Ray nods at me to come ahead. I’m on the first line, my twenty’s already rolled. I close one nostril and snort for Caledonia. It hits me hard. Good gear. Phoah, ya fuckin cunt that ye are. My mouth is instantly numbed and I start gabbing. – Listen Ray you should’ve heard that cunt Toal on aboot you the other day. It was Ray Le

– Eh? What’s this, Ray asks, looking at me tentatively.

– Between you and me Ray, I wouldnae be surprised if you get drafted into the team on this coon case.

– Like fuck! Ah’ve been stalking these fucking Sunrise Community hippies on this ca

– I’m just saying Ray. You know these cunts, same rules apply. One other thing as well . . . this is between you and me likes, I drop my voice canteen-style, even though we’re in the privacy of Le

– What? says Ray, trying to be cool but obviously alarmed.

– Watch Gus.

– Gus Bain?

– Precisely.

– Gus is awright . . . he’s been good tae me . . .

– Of course he’s awright. He’ll have been awright tae you as long as he sees ye as a young laddie, as second fiddle. The thing is Ray, you’ve earned a lot ay respect in this department, and it’s starting tae get tae the auld boy. Ye ken what ah’m saying? I look Le

– You saying that Gus is a squealer?

– Known for it. Watch what you say about cousin charlie when he’s around.

– But I never say anything about charlie.

– Aye, well mind and keep it that way.

– Right . . . Le

This is all bullshit, but life is one big competition. Ray is a pal, but he’s also a potential or actual competitor and the only way to handle competitors is to control their level of uncertainty. That’s what life is all about: the management of your opponents’ uncertainty levels. We don’t want this cunt getting too big for his boots, thinking that he somehow counts.

It’s a troubled-looking Ray Le

A Testimonial

I got in early last night but I couldn’t sleep. I’m back in the office early this morning but I’m totally fucked with that cocaine. I was wired. My sinuses are shrivelled and my nose is ru

He tells me that he wants to see me in his office straight away. Never mind our routine, the selfish cunt. Thinks of nothing but his ain fat erse and how to keep it covered. Does fuck all but write that film script. Ah ken what the cunt’s up tae. I put the paper down and head upstairs. I feel nauseous by the time I get up to Toal’s office. The lifts are out of order and I’m out of breath after these two flights. Those fuckin maintenance cunts, they dae fuck all.

– Bruce, we need to have a wee blether. Niddrie’s called a team meeting up at his office this afternoon, this sweetie wife tells me. He’s using a distasteful ‘Niddrie’ rather than a pally ‘Jim’ or a respectful ‘the Super’. He’s obviously had his gangrenous nuts chewed and is looking for pals. Or perhaps not. The cunt could just be fucking me around. Drummond still hasnae been in touch. Playing silly fa

– What time? I ask. I need to spend some time with the paper. That Claudia Schiffer’s in it. A fuckin ride, nae two weys. It says she’s opening a restaurant or something like that. Who gives a fuck about that? Show us your erse and tits doll, that’s what we want!