Beautifully Shattered

It’s been 3 weeks & I still can’t stop thinking about you. If you feel the same, let’s see where this can go.

-K. D.

He sent me the flowers. Wow, I never would have guessed that. God, I’m such a bitch! I wonder if I should call him to apologize for yesterday, but decide against it. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I’m not interested and it’s better for him to learn that now then think he has a chance. Even if Jax wasn’t in the picture —well he’s not technically— I still wouldn’t give him a chance. Sure, I’m attracted to him, what woman wouldn’t be? But it doesn’t change anything. My heart will forever belong to Jaxon Chandler.

I get up and take a quick shower. Taking advantage of the perfect weather, I choose one of my favorite sundresses with a cutout heart on the back and my beige Steve Madden’s to complete the look. I curl a few pieces of my naturally curly hair, apply mascara, add a light coat of rose color lipstick, and I’m ready to go. After retrieving my phone off the nightstand, I pick up Kohen’s note and slip it into my purse.

Deciding to skip breakfast and buy a smoothie, I’m almost ready to leave when I spot the camera bag Jax bought me. Without over-thinking it, I quickly grab it and walk out the door.

Smoothie in hand, I browse at a few stores to buy supplies for Logan’s surprise party. Two hours later, I have everything that Jax and I will need, and much more. I’d rather be overly prepared than realize too late that we’re missing something. I want the party to be perfect for Logan. He deserves it.

After a cab ride back to my place, I drop off the bags in the living room and close the door. I’ll put everything away later, it’s too nice of a day out to be stuck inside. Looking to kill an hour until I meet the boys, I head over to Central Park with my camera bag still in hand.

Cedar Hill is my all-time favorite place in New York. I always come here when I feel like the world is crumbling down on me, so it’s the perfect place for today, even though I doubt I’ll be able to take any pictures. I play with the zipper and remember the first time my dad bought me a camera. He wanted me to try to get into something other than swimming. Apparently it’s important to have more than one thing to love.

If only he could see me now.

With shaking hands, I reach in and grasp my new camera. I have so many mixed emotions right now. I want to remember how I’ve felt being behind the lens, how I share the same passion as my dad had, but I can’t help feeling guilty.

The last time I ever held a camera was the last day I ever saw my family. If I take a picture, I won’t be able to share it with my dad anymore. I don’t know if I’m ready to move on with this chapter in my life yet. The day my dad took me to buy my first camera was one of my favorite times with him. He was able to see that I was missing a creative outlet, even if I didn’t see it myself.

I’m afraid that if I pick up this camera, I won’t feel the same, everything will be different, and I will lose what my dad gave me that day. I don’t want to taint that memory with my demons.

Another fifteen minutes pass before I’m finally able to talk myself into capturing one simple picture. I can take one picture without ruining everything. I stand up and examine the area. I spot a butterfly landing on a flower a few yards away. Bringing the camera up to my face I focus on the scene before me. With a shaky breath, I press the button to forever imprison the image before me. As I view the digital photo, I feel a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I’ve just found a piece to my soul again.

Without realizing it, I start snapping away. I capture the scenery, a couple holding hands, and an older woman reading a book underneath a tree. I click until the memory card is full. As I put away the camera, my phone rings. Startled, I notice that two hours have flown by and I have several missed calls from Logan and Co

Crap, I’m so late. I jog towards the exit to catch a cab.

After sitting in traffic, I’m at the boys’ office in Manhattan with our burgers. I promise the security guards that I’ll bring them cupcakes from the bakery tomorrow before I swipe my ID to access the elevators.

Gloria, Co

“Thanks Gloria. Have a great day!” I say before opening Co

Ignoring the fact that Co

Co

I cringe, I know that tone. I feel bad for whoever is on the other line. Giving him a knowing look, I steal two waters for Co

“Exactly. So either do what I pay you for or I will find someone else to do your job.” He eats a fry. “Last time I checked, it’s not my problem. It’s yours.”

I shake my head and mouth “be nice” to him which he ignores.

“I expect a copy on my desk by the time I walk in tomorrow morning.” He hangs up without waiting for a response.

“I’m so glad that you’re basically my brother,” I state as he joins me on the couch.

“Me too, if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t have a cool brother,” Co

I ignore his last comment. This isn’t the first time he’s suggested it.

“If you have to say you’re ‘cool,’ you really aren’t.” Co

“Someone was hungry.”

“I may have worked through breakfast,” Co

I don’t say anything back. There’s no point reminding him that he has an assistant that can order him breakfast. We’ve had that talk so many times I’m tempted to record myself reminding him how important it is too eat just so I don’t have to repeat the speech. Co

For some reason I think about the note from Kohen that is burning a hole through my purse. I want to get Co

I thought I didn’t want to see where things could go with Kohen, hence me being a complete bitch to him the other day, but after using the camera Jax bought me, I have a new urge to take Liv’s advice. I need to live again. And it’s not like Jax will be my boyfriend anytime soon. Maybe it’s time to see what else is out there. I fiddle with the straps of my purse, coming up with a brilliant idea. If I have Co

When I peek at Co

“Really, you’re not going to say anything?”

He leans back onto to the couch, and stretches his feet in front of him. “What would you like me to say, Addie?”

I could smack him right now. I’m tempted to just drop it and ask Logan. Who am I kidding, that’s not an option and Co