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“Oh, honey. This is good.” She sounded elated, and I almost wanted to slap her as nausea hit me harder, just thinking about the bastard.
“No, it’s not. It’s not. “ I punched my fist against the pillow. “Did you not hear what I said? I’ll forever be broken if I choose him. He’s too close to Cole.”
“Kendy, Cole happened seven years ago,” she tried to reason. “You were dumb, naïve, and blinded by first love’s symptoms. Brian is nothing like Cole. You would’ve weeded him out by now if he was.”
“I don’t know. I’m . . . I’m scared,” I whispered, my voice leaving my mouth in broken puffs.
And maybe that was the real truth here—I was so damn scared I couldn’t see straight, not even to read my own feelings. Cole had left such a deep gash inside of me, I wondered if I’d ever truly be able to read love when it came along.
That’s why it had to be James. He was the safe choice for me. The one the psychic had predicted. He was more mature, older, and more importantly, the one she had chosen.
“Don’t let fear stop you from being happy. Unless you’re a hundred percent sure this doctor guy is it.”
But I wasn’t sure. I was realizing that I really didn’t even know him, yet I wanted to give him a chance. I needed to give him a chance to prove the psychic right, but that was beyond my control. He wasn’t even giving me a second glance lately. How could I make a guy love me? I couldn’t force a thing like that.
“Kendy, I love you. You know I do.”
I gripped the phone closer to my ear, needing to hear those words, letting them wash over me and calm me. “I know,” I exhaled, wishing I could blink her across the country and into my apartment.
“Sometimes, we only see what we want to see and miss the very thing that’s right in front of us. Don’t miss the opportunity with this awesome guy, just because you want someone else to be it for you. From experience, I know that sometimes you don’t realize the perfect guy could be right in front of you all along.”
I rubbed at my brow, still unsure.
“You don’t need to decide today. Go to sleep, honey. Let that mind of yours rest.”
“Maybe you’re right.” All of the day’s energy was leaking out of me, exhaustion hitting me straight in the face as I yawned into the phone.
“I love you, Kendy.”
“You too. Bye.” I let the phone drop onto the bed, and then turned over, taking in the scent of my pillow.
As I closed my eyes, all I could see was Brian’s handsome face as he stood over the stove, making me my hot cocoa. I hadn’t even tasted it. It was the drink that usually calmed me, but not tonight. Not when an internal battle was brewing inside me.
My heart wanted this man with such certainty; the one who made me laugh, the one who I cared for, and the one who I knew I could count on.
But my mind was fighting my heart’s every instinct, using fear as its sidekick to push down all those i
And as I fell asleep, I decided I had to think with my head. Thinking with my heart would only get me hurt.
***
Brian had called all week. We had exchanged a couple of texts, but luckily I had been working back-to-back twelve-hour shifts, so I didn’t have to lie to him about not having the time to see him. As the light from the morning sun filtered through my window, my phone vibrated with a text.
Brian: Morning, Beautiful. There’s Fourth of July fireworks tonight at the East River. Wa
After a couple of minutes, when I didn’t respond, he texted again.
Brian: I impressed the Tiggins Corp and landed a meeting with the CEO and their board members tomorrow, so I’m aiming to just go out and have fun. Put this work alcoholic out of his misery.
I sighed. How long could I avoid him? He’d know something was seriously wrong, if he didn’t think that already. And I wanted to see him, but fear was the heavy-duty steel door keeping me at a distance.
He looked nothing like Cole. Cole was tall, dark, and handsome. Brian was the all-American male with the bluest eyes—eyes that sucked you in.
Their outward appearance was nothing alike, but the way I had felt for Cole, the deep attraction and passion, was the same, or even stronger for Brian, which frightened me to no end.
But I couldn’t deny I missed him.
Without thinking, my fingers moved across the screen, texting him back. Maybe I could set him straight, reiterate what our platonic relationship entailed. Or maybe . . . I was lying to myself, and my mind was already losing the battle against my heart. Either way, I wanted to see him. If lying to convince myself that I was in control of this situation would justify meeting him, then so be it.
Me: Okay. Meet at my place.
***
BRIAN
As I knocked on her door, my palms began to sweat. I had no idea why I was so damn jittery. I wasn’t usually the nervous type, and this wasn’t a first date.
Still, I hadn’t seen Kendy in almost a week, and a part of me was a little worried, because she had been so brief over our texts. An unsettling feeling came over me. Had Stiff finally made his move? Was she done with me?
The thought of either scenario made me sick to my stomach, but I’d made the decision that I was all in with her. Just like a game of poker, even though I didn’t know if I had the wi
Today was the day. I was going to claim her, make her mine—tell her how I feel.
My knuckles were about to hit her door again when she opened it. At first, she seemed hesitant, and then she bit her bottom lip, a telling sign that she was nervous.
Half of her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, the rest cascading down her back. Her short shorts revealed the span of her toned legs, and her fitted Cubs T-shirt was straining against her chest, the red ‘C’ stretching to the max. She didn’t have on an ounce of makeup on, but damn was she gorgeous.
A second later, that hesitation washed away and she smiled, stepping aside to let me in. I swear if I hadn’t seen her smile before, today it would’ve knocked me on my ass.
***
KENDY
Brian stepped into my apartment and wrapped one arm around my lower back, leaning in to me to give me a kiss on my cheek. I swear he inhaled me as his arm tightened around my waist, and his head dropped to the crook of my neck. My whole being felt content just being in his arms, but I was having a hard time shaking this nervousness.
I bit the inside of my cheek and told myself this was not a repeat of history. I repeated Beth’s words in my head: paths can change; futures can change.
His hug lingered a tad bit longer than what could be considered just friendly. Not that I minded.
My body molded to his, fitting against the span of his chest like this was my natural place, caged in his arms. Just like a book in its natural spot on a bookshelf, snug between two other books.
I inhaled his masculine scent and let out a soft exhale. I hadn’t realized until now how much I’d missed him this past week.
He released me and tucked an escaping strand of hair behind my ear. “I missed you.” The way he said it, the seriousness in his tone, made my heart race faster than before, faster than I should’ve allowed it to.
I shied away. “I know why you missed me, you horny little man.” I was playing off how much his words affected me. I stepped away from him and tried to calm my raging pulse. “Let me grab my purse.” My voice sounded shaky when I hadn’t meant it to be.
But he reached for me, squeezing me from behind. “I missed you. Your smile. Your laugh. I’ve had a very uneventful, boring week without you.”
I closed my eyes, my eyebrows pulling together. He didn’t even realize he was going from zero to one hundred, not giving me a chance to breathe. I headed down the hallway, not meeting his eyes. “I need to potty first.” Torment was happening inside of me, a battle brewing between my heart and my head, and I was confused as hell.