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“I...don’t know what you mean.”
Dawn smiled gently. “I think you do.”
Je
“Nitsokan…admires you very much,” Dawn said, reverting to the use of Lee’s Pikuni name, choosing her words carefully. “He is most unhappy right now.”
“I am sorry to hear that.”
Dawn’s eyes were wise. “You are an intelligent woman, Je
“Dawn—”
Dawn held up her hand. “Please let me finish. You did not know Nitsokan as a child, as I did. I was younger, yes, but I saw a great deal with the clarity of a child’s vision. You do not know what his life was like. He was taken away from us to play football, and he has been straddling two worlds ever since, not completely at home in either one. For a man of his strong loyalties, deep commitments, it is very difficult.”
“I can appreciate that.”
Dawn smiled again. “Can you? I think not.”
Je
Dawn folded her hands in her lap. “I see that you resent me, because you think I am his lover. I am not I wish to be, and his wife also, but he does not love me. I think he wants to, but he does not.”
Je
“You look surprised,” Dawn said.
“I am. I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”
“To help you,” Dawn said simply. “I know how hard it is to care for Nitsokan. Others have come and gone, attracted perhaps by the money and the glamour, what he calls ‘the image,’ but I sense these things mean little to you. If you were like the rest, he would not think so much of you. He has not told me this, but I have guessed. He would be very angry if he knew I was talking to you this way, but because of his regard for you, I have done so.”
Je
“I must go,” Dawn said, rising.
Je
“I hope he does find happiness, Dawn.”
Dawn smiled sadly. “For Nitsokan, it will not be easy. Like the sun which is his totem, he bums brightly, but with a dangerous light.” She inclined her head in farewell as the doors closed in front of her.
Je
“What?” Dolores demanded. “What?”
“You’re stuttering, Dolores.”
“Why did she come here?”
“She wanted copies of some of Lee’s releases. No big deal.”
“Then why did you look like that when you came out of your office with her?”
“Like what?”
“Like she had dropped a bomb on you.”
“Your ever-exotic imagination is working overtime again, Dolores.”
“Don’t give me that If you would only—”
“Do you like your job here, Dolores?” Je
“Boy, are you a grouch.”
“I seem to recall telling you that a memo had to be hand delivered to the city editor at the Inquirer by four o’clock. To my knowledge, you haven’t left yet.”
Dolores took her jacket from the back of her chair and picked up the envelope from her desk. “I’m gone,” she said. “But I hope your disposition has improved by the time I get back.”
Her boss reflected glumly that there wasn’t much chance of that.
* * * *
Je
Her hand froze in the act of reaching into the closet, and she slowly sank to the edge of the bed. She’d missed a period, but had thought that was caused by her bout with what she’d assumed was the flu. Until now she hadn’t co
There was no doubt about it. Her breasts were fuller and her usually flat stomach looked rounder, more pronounced. The difference was slight, but noticeable if you looked for it.
She raced to the kitchen, stark naked, and ripped the calendar off the wall. Her breath coming in excited gasps, she counted off the days, and then dropped it on the table, a look of wonder on her face. It was true.
Je
Je
Not for a moment did she consider the alternative. She wanted to be a mother, and a mother to this child in particular.
A curious calmness descended over her after the initial burst of emotion. Je
Telling Lee was out of the question. His strong sense of duty would compel him to marry her, and she didn’t need a shotgun husband. If he hadn’t wanted her enough to take the step before, she would not use this as an added inducement.
Je
* * * *
Je
“Hi, Jen,” Marilyn said, as she unlocked her door and staggered inside. “What are you doing here?”
“I need your advice.”
“What, again? Cawassa’s favorite son up to his old tricks? Come on in, just let me dump this stuff.”
Marilyn set her bundles down on the kitchen table and kept walking, finally collapsing in a living room chair. “Well?”
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Marilyn got up again instantly, raising her hand to forestall further discussion. “Don’t say anything else, I beg of you. I need a drink before I hear the rest of this.” She got a bottle and a shot glass from the dry sink in the corner and bolted two fingers before looking at Je
“Would you mind repeating that, please?”
“You heard me the first time.”
“You think you’re pregnant Don’t you know?”
“Well, I’m new at this, Marilyn, I’ve never been pregnant before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. But I’m pretty sure, and I’m going to Dr. Bellini next Wednesday.”
Marilyn closed her eyes. “Je
“Don’t scold me, Marilyn. I’ve been thinking.”
“I certainly hope so.”
“I’m going to have it.”
Marilyn set her glass down with a bang. “Now I’ve heard everything. Do you realize what you’d be taking on? Raising a child is a full-time, lifelong responsibility. I’ve done it alone for years and I know what I’m talking about.”
“That’s exactly my point,” Je