Sunburst

So even while it was love, it wasn’t enough to sustain the rest of my life. It was real, and honest, but it wasn’t the end-all love I was meant to feel.

It wasn’t the love that would get me through the very difficult destiny that laid out before me.

I was embarrassed at the two traitorous tears that fell from my eyes, landing hotly on my cheeks and ruining my makeup. Tristan felt them, or sensed them- I wasn’t sure- and immediately kissed them away. And when his lips returned to mine they were salty and wet from the evidence of my heartache.

With a last punishing push of exposed emotion, Tristan branded his love against my lips so that I would never forget him. There was a climax to our kiss that screamed our feelings for each other, the fullness of finally tasting each other while the world crumbled around us, and the utter heartbreak that would shatter us when we pulled apart.

It was as i

Eventually, Tristan pulled back and I gazed up into the eyes of a man that I believed was the greatest man I knew. The entire reason I fell in love with humanity was because I fell in love with him first.

His eyes were dark with a greedy hunger and his lips were swollen and lovely.

“I love you, Stella,” he growled while unshed tears shimmered in his forest green eyes.

“I love you, too,” I whispered at the same time my heart fell out of my chest and splintered into a million pieces. “I will always love you.”

I reached up and cupped his smooth jaw. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes, depriving me of his consuming gaze. He shuddered under my hand and I immediately went up on my knees and wrapped my arms around him. His arms went around my waist and we held each other like that for as long as we had kissed.

The sun set while we stayed like that, the Stars came out and the dark of night enshrouded us. We were living in our own world, existing in a reality that only included us. But there wasn’t a moment that ticked by when we didn’t realize we would have to come back, when we weren’t severely aware that in only a few more moments we would have to give each other up.

He pulled away first, looking up at me with a resigned pain that cut me quickly to the core. “We missed our di

I laughed with a release of adrenaline and emotion. “I’m not hungry anyway.” I sat back down and leaned into him.

“Let’s go to the dance,” Tristan suggested.

“Yeah? You still want to go?” My voice was a shallow shell of my crushed soul.

More confidently and sounding more like himself he said, “Yeah, I do. I want this night.”

I pulled back and smiled. I couldn’t help it. I wanted this night too. “K.”

“K.” he echoed.

He hopped off the truck and turned around to help me down. Lifting me from the waist, he set me back on the solid ground but didn’t let go. “Remember me, Stella.”

“Always,” I swore. “I will always have this.”

He pressed another gentle, claiming kiss to my lips. I breathed him in one last time and let myself get swept away by feelings for a boy that could never be. He would always be my first love.

He just couldn’t be my last.

He helped me into the cab of his truck and then grabbed the blanket and closed the truck gate. Before I knew it we were back on the main highway and headed toward school and the prom.

Prom was supposed to be this major event in my life, in my youth. But it would pale in comparison to these stolen moments with Tristan. And I had to wonder if the rest of my human moments would all shrink in the shadow of the greatness of that kiss, in the culmination of a love that would only fade after today.

There was so much joy and fulfillment in finally being open with Tristan, in finally taking our relationship to where it always wanted to go. But there was so much heartache that accompanied it.

That was it. The grand finale. And every moment after this we were both willingly and openly walking away from each other and the intense feelings that tied us together.

And while I was definitely and completely traumatized, I was also already healing. Tristan and I were never meant to be. There was something strong and powerful in giving that up, in fully embracing the life I was supposed to have.

Meant to have.

The life I now wanted.

Seth.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Dance, bitch!” Piper demanded as she laughed and followed her own command.

I gri

It was good to be surrounded by so many friends. It was nice to relax after weeks of high stress and tension.

The song changed to a slower one and Piper grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the punch. She put up a hand to keep the boys from following us and while they obeyed her, they still wandered away from the dance floor.

Piper and I stumbled over to the punch on sore feet and chugged one glass and then another.

“Have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?” she laughed breathlessly.

“Yes, but only a hundred times already,” I smiled back. “You too, babe.” And she did, in her bubblegum pink feather dress. It had a deep scoop neck that made her boobs look fantastic without being revealing, then the back clasped in a high collar at the nape of her neck and while it was completely covered, it was a sheer netting kind of covering that she was supposed to wear a shawl over- but wasn’t. The bodice was tight, but poofed into a huge skirt covered in pink feathers on top and puffed up with layered black tulle. Her fishnet stockings and black studded chunky four inch heels completed her edginess. She finished her look with big, wavy hair and extra heavy eyeliner.

She was gorgeous. And totally herself tonight. I loved her look.

“Thanks for making up with Tristan,” I called over the music.

She rolled her eyes, “It’s a temporary treaty. He asked to have this one good night with you. And if he wasn’t so pathetic I would have been able to hold out.”

I shook my head at her. “It’s not what you think, Pi.”

“It is what I think,” she argued. “He has had feelings for you since forever, Stella. But he’s been too much of a coward to do anything about them. So he’s let you sit there, pining for him for years while he’s dated every other thing that moves and has a vagina. And while he’s off whoring himself out to the entire school, he scares every other prospective boy away from you. You have no idea how frustrating it’s been for me to watch you get your heart broken over and over by him. And then Seth finally comes into the picture- a decent, good, super-hot guy that’s interested in you and not intimidated by Tristan at all. Then Tristan decides to go after you. I mean, I know Seth is technically out of the picture now, but Tristan doesn’t just get to have his way whenever he wants it. As far as I’m concerned he lost his chance with you years ago.”

I loved my fierce, fighter of a friend. But she had no idea what happened underneath the surface during all those years. She had no idea Tristan was loving me at a distance because I asked him to. And that Seth wasn’t a catalyst to Tristan coming face to face with his feelings, but the final barrier that kept him away. Tristan wasn’t being selfish, he was doing what he had to until he literally couldn’t make himself anymore.