Castle-Hill

I shifted, reaching out to him. “Please, just let me explain. I’ll—”

“Wrong answer,” he uttered bitingly, his expression shutting down. “I can’t believe you … after everything … that we’re back here again.” He turned, leaving me shocked, openmouthed as he stormed down our hall. A door slammed and I hopped off the bed and into the hall to watch a light come on, shining under the guest bedroom door.

Tears choked me and I swallowed the hitch in my breathing as I tiptoed back into our bedroom.

My husband and I had fought quite a few times in the last few years, but not once had Braden let it come between us. He always slept in our bed with me and he always pulled me close at night.

The hot tears slipped down my cheeks.

I’d hurt him.

And for the first time in a really long time, he’d hurt me too.

***

That whole night I tossed and turned, my eyes on the hallway. A big part of me wanted to go into our guest room and shake Braden awake and make him listen to me, but the more I lay there and the more I thought everything over, I thought it best to let him sleep so we could have a rational conversation in the morning.

Except, I was exhausted from lack of sleep. I got up just before six in the morning, sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and attempting to read a book. Just before Braden’s alarm was set to go off, I got up and made some fresh coffee for him.

Not too long after, he wandered into the kitchen in his pajamas, his hair in disarray, and I ached with hurt and love as he avoided my eyes.

“I made you coffee,” I told him quietly, trying to gauge whether or not this would soften him up.

“Thank you,” he muttered, taking hold of the mug. He leaned against the counter, staring at the wall.

My stomach flip-flopped unpleasantly.

I had to explain so he’d stop thinking the worst of me.

“Braden—”

“I have to shower.” He walked out of the kitchen abruptly.

“We need to talk!” I yelled at him angrily.

His answer was to slam the bathroom door.

This was a whole new side to my husband. And I did not like it one bit.

I got up, ready to do battle, when a knock at the door stopped me. That knock was followed by a key turning in the lock, and I knew then it was Ellie.

Bracing myself, I wondered if I’d be able to handle two of my favorite people being so mad at me. Three years ago that would have been a piece of cake. But these idiots had softened me up, whether I liked to admit it or not.

Ellie appeared in the kitchen doorway, her blue eyes instantly finding me.

Whatever she saw in my face made her pale and she came straight at me, arms wide-open.

I relaxed into her hug, not even realizing until right then how much I needed it.

“I don’t even know if I should say congratulations.”

I tensed.

Ellie pulled back, peering at me cautiously. “Braden’s really upset.”

I couldn’t speak. I wanted to. But I was afraid if I did I would scream.

“Look, I’m here, Joss.” She rubbed my shoulder in comfort. “I’m here if you need me.”

Swallowing past the gust of screams, I nodded and thanked her hoarsely.

We were quiet as I made her a cup of tea and we sat down at the table together. It occurred to me as we sat in silence that maybe if I told Ellie everything I was feeling, Braden would listen to her. I didn’t know what was going on with my usually understanding and compassionate husband, but what I did know was that he was angrier than I’d ever seen him, and clearly unwilling to listen to anything I had to say. He might listen to Ellie.

I opened my mouth to speak when the sound of the bathroom door opening halted me. Both Ellie and I turned to watch for Braden and as he passed the doorway he gave his sister a taut nod of hello and continued on into the bedroom to get ready for work. On a Sunday.

Ellie turned to me, her eyes questioning.

I took her hand and squeezed it. “He slept in your old room last night,” I whispered. “He’s never done that before.”

My friend’s expression grew pained. “Joss … talk—”

Nausea hit me before Ellie could finish her sentence and I was up, bending over the kitchen sink.

I felt her hands in my hair, holding it back. After spitting up the last of my morning sickness, I sank back against Els, glad for her comforting presence. A flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye drew my gaze and I froze at the sight of Braden staring at me, a muscle ticking in his jaw. He turned to Ellie. “Give Elodie my apologies for missing Sunday di

And, uh”—he cut me a look before glancing back at his sister—“stay with her until she feels better.”

Anger burned through me as Braden walked out of the flat, ignoring Ellie’s shocked and questioning calls of his name.

Ellie’s pitiful and sympathetic looks suddenly became painful rather than comforting.

I pulled out of Ellie’s arms. “I’m sorry, hon. I just … I’m going back to bed.”

She nodded carefully and let me go.

***

I couldn’t sleep. I kept playing everything over and over in my head, trying to work out what to say to Braden first to make him stop and talk to me. I had it all pla

Then evening.

I texted him and didn’t get a reply. I called. No reply.

I texted Adam but he wasn’t with Adam.

Finally, just after two in the morning, our front door opened. Fury propelled me out of our bedroom and I stormed into the hall as Braden shut the door behind him. His eyes moved to me but it was like he was staring right through me as he started toward the guest room.

Oh, no! Not again!

“Where have you been?” I snapped, grabbing hold of his arm so he’d look at me.

He jerked his arm away from me like he couldn’t stand to be touched by me. “Out,” he told me simply, his tone cutting. And then he disappeared into the guest room, not even aware that I probably looked like he’d run me over with a car.

I had theories as to why he was so angry. I knew he thought I didn’t want his kid. I wondered if he was questioning everything about us. I wondered if he was scared. I wondered why he couldn’t just tell me all that. I thought we had come further than that. No … I guess I’d just, probably unfairly, thought he’d see me through anything.

A long time ago he’d almost left me for good for shutting him out. And now he was shutting me out.

He’d dived inside his head and he wouldn’t let me near him.

He didn’t even want me touching him, and that hurt and scared me so much I didn’t want to feel anything. I’d sleep to help with that, but sleep was eluding me. Instead I shut myself in the bathroom and undressed. I switched on the shower and stepped into the freezing-cold water, allowing the shock to dissipate into numbness. My mind adrift, my hands covered the small of my stomach protectively, and I closed my eyes. I could be numb everywhere but there.

I thought I heard a muffled “Fuck” and it brought my eyes open just as Braden was sliding the shower door open. He reached in, his features like granite as he switched the nozzle to warm. His eyes cut to me. “Are you trying to catch fucking pneumonia?”

Chittering, I blanched. I hadn’t been thinking. Obviously.

“Stay in there until you warm up,” Braden snapped.

Where was my husband?

Everything I’d been feeling suddenly broke out of the numbness. All the fear, the guilt, the anger, the loneliness of the past few days, and most especially the hurt.

Braden jerked back, confusion and something like fear entering his expression.

But since this man was a stranger … I couldn’t give a fuck how he felt.

I reached over, staring at him blankly, shut the shower door, and turned my back on him.

Chapter 7

Castle Hill

“It’s been a while, Joss. What’s been happening?” Dr. Pritchard asked in that careful voice of hers.