On Dublin Street

“You’ve just told me you’re extremely attracted to this man. When you talk about him, it’s clear to me you like him, so, no. I wouldn’t say you’re alright—you don’t want to want to have anything to do with him.”

“Same thing.”

“No it’s not. Why are you afraid of him, Joss?”

“I don’t know,” I retorted, pissed off with the topic and with Rhian for making me discuss it. “I just know that I don’t want to start anything with him.”

“Why not?”

Jesus C, sometimes it was like talking to a brick wall with this woman. “It would mess things up. With Ellie, with me, with him. No.”

She tilted her head to the side, her expression blank. She was good at this. “Joss, maybe it’s time to stop thinking fifty steps in front of you and just let things play out naturally.”

“The last time I did that I woke up in bed with two strange guys and no panties.”

“I told you that’s not the same thing. You’re not the same person, and Braden is not some stranger. I’m not telling you or asking you to do anything you don’t want to do, concerning Braden or otherwise. But I am suggesting you stop predicting the future and take each day as it comes. Not forever, not even for a few months. Try it for a few days, a few weeks even. I know it might be scary, but just… try.”

***

As I had been for the last few weeks I was working Saturday’s now at Club 39. Ellie had gotten home earlier around di

“So, is everything okay with Rhian?” she asked, a little furrow forming between her eyebrows.

Guilt lodged in my throat. I hadn’t felt too awful lying to Braden since his three-sixty back into predatory hottie with wicked eyes and a fuck-me smile was the sole reason I’d had to resort to lying in the first place. But lying to Ellie was a totally different ballgame and it made more than a little uneasy.

I mumbled around a mouthful of pasta, nodding and avoiding her eyes, hoping she’d get that I didn’t want to talk about it.

At her answering silence I glanced up and found her watching me curiously. I swallowed. “What?”

Ellie shrugged. “Just… when Braden was walking me home he said he thought maybe… that maybe you were lying about the call from Rhian so you could avoid the picnic.”

Jesus C, he had such an ego on him!

Never mind that he was right.

I guffawed. “What? Because of him?”

She shrugged again. “Was he right?”

More avoiding her eyes. “Nope.”

“Well, just so you know, I get the impression he’s pla

I raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

She sighed leaning back in her chair. “With Braden you never know. I’ve just learned to recognize the signs. I know my brother better than he thinks I know him. You’re under his skin, Joss. I’m actually impressed he’s been so patient. Although, that probably means he’s pla

I was surprised, and couldn’t pretend I wasn’t. I sat back, momentarily abandoning my food. “Under his skin? Whatever it takes?”

“As much as my brother’s sex life makes me squeamish, I sometimes can’t avoid hearing about it, and what I hear is that Braden always gets what he wants.”

I snorted. “Please, Ellie, you think I’m what he wants? I’m not exactly his type. Jocelyn Butler doesn’t come in Supermodel.”

Ellie looked adorably confused. “You’re kidding right?”

“Um… about what?”

“You.” She pointed at me indignantly. “You’re seriously hot, Joss. Okay, you don’t look like the pretty coat hangers Braden usually goes for, but you have those amazing eyes, that throaty sex-phone voice, a cup-size I’d die for, and this broody, standoffishness that’s completely at odds with the seriously cool and fu

I was stu

Was that really how these people saw me? Embarrassed, I picked up my fork, mumbling, ‘whatever’.

I could feel my roommate’s smile without even looking up. “You need a mirror.”

I shrugged.

Then Ellie grew quiet and I found myself raising my gaze to make sure she was alright. She wasn’t smiling now. “No matter how much he denies it, Braden’s interested in you, Joss. He asks me about you a lot, which he’s never done before with anyone else and, believe me I’ve lost at least three friends he serial-dated out of my life. I don’t tell him much-

You told him about my family.

-because you don’t say much, so of course he’s even more intrigued. And like I said, Braden usually gets what he wants.”

“Please,” I huffed, “Give me a little more credit. I don’t just fall into a hot guy’s bed because he’s used to getting what he wants. Guess what? I’m used to getting what I want too. And what I want is not to fall into his bed.”

But it was like Ellie hadn’t even heard me. “If you don’t manage to resist, just be careful with him, okay. He’s been treated badly before, and I don’t want to see that happen again.”

Wide-eyed, I heard my fork clatter to my plate after my fingers dropped it of their own accord. They were in shock, as was the rest of me. “Wait. Are you worried about me hurting him?”

She smiled apologetically. “You’re a good person, which makes the fact that you don’t trust anyone, really hard for the people who care about you. And Braden, when he cares about someone, has to know everything so he can cover all the bases and protect them. He has to be a guy people can trust. It’s just who he is. If he started something with you, he’d only be hurt when you refuse to let him in.”

I only sort of took that in. Mostly, I just kept hearing ‘you’re a good person, which makes the fact that you don’t trust anyone, really hard for the people who care about you.’

“Am I hurting you, Ellie?” I didn’t want to admit how scared I was for her answer.

She exhaled heavily, seeming to weigh her words. “At first I was. But knowing that you don’t mean to hurt me helps. Do I wish you’d trust me more? Yes. Am I going to push it? No.” She stood up. “Just know that if you ever do decide to trust me, I’m here. And you can tell me anything.”

I felt my throat close up and I could only nod. In an effort to expel the moment, Ellie gri

Hmm, what are you up to, young lady? “Are you playing games with him?”

She scowled. “Yesterday I discovered he’d warned off Nicholas when he wanted to ask me out. So yes. I am.”

“Whoa, hold up.” I pushed my entire plate back now, totally confused. I’d met Nicholas. He was one of Ellie’s friends who hung out at the apartment sometimes. He was also a tutor in her department. “Adam did what?”

“I made some crack yesterday about not having had a date in months and Nicholas said maybe I would have had a date if Adam would stop threatening prospective guys. I was completely confused so Nicholas explained. Nick was pla

I laughed in disbelief. “And of course Adam’s built and Nicholas looks like the promotion guy for Twiglets so Nick backed down.”

“Exactly.”

“What the hell is Adam playing at?”

“That’s what I want to know. He’s messed with me, so I’m going to enjoy messing with him.”

I had to admit, I liked this side of Ellie. People thought they could walk all over her, but they were wrong. I gri