On Dublin Street

“Jocelyn?”

My chest rose and fell rapidly in shallow breaths, my frightened eyes searching for the voice.

Braden.

He dropped his fork, leaning across the table toward me, a frown of concern between his brows. “Jocelyn?”

I needed to get out of there.

I needed air.

“Jocelyn… Christ,” Braden muttered, shoving back from the table, intent on coming around the table to help me.

Instead, I shot out of my seat, holding my hands out to stop him. Without a word, I turned and raced from the room, ru

Shaking hands pushed up the window, and they and the rest of me were grateful for the rush of air that blasted over my face, even if it was warm air. Knowing I needed to calm down, I concentrated on slowing my breathing.

A few minutes later my body and mind came back to itself and I slumped onto the toilet seat, my limbs all jellified. I felt exhausted again. My second panic attack.

Great.

“Jocelyn?” his voice rumbled through the door.

I closed my eyes against it, wondering how the hell I was going to explain myself. Embarrassment warmed the blood in my cheeks.

I thought I was over this. It had been eight years. I should be over it by now.

At the sound of the door opening, my eyes cracked open too, and I watched as a concerned Braden stepped inside and closed the door. Briefly I wondered why he had followed me and Ellie hadn’t. When I didn’t say anything he came closer, dropping slowly to his haunches so we were at eye level. My eyes searched his gorgeous face and for once, I wished I could break my own damn rules. I had a feeling Braden would be able to make me forget everything for a while.

We gazed at one another for what seemed like forever, not saying a word. I was expecting a lot of questions since it must have been clear to everyone, or at least the adults at the table, that I had had a panic attack. Surely, they were all wondering why, and I really didn’t want to go back out there.

“Better?” Braden finally asked softly.

Wait. Was that it? No probing questions?

“Yeah.” No, not really.

He must have read my reaction to his question in my face because he cocked his head to the side, his gaze thoughtful. “You don’t need to tell me.”

I cracked a humorless smile. “I’ll just let you think I’m bat-shit crazy.”

Braden smiled back at me. “I already knew that.” He got up, holding a hand out to me. “Come on.”

I looked at his proffered hand warily. “I think maybe I should just go.”

“And I think you should have some good food with some good friends.”

I thought of Ellie and how warm and welcoming she’d been to me. It would be an insult to walk out of her mother’s di

Taking Braden’s hand tentatively, I let him pull me to my feet. “What will I say?” No use pretending to be cool and collected with him now. He’d already seen me at my most vulnerable. Twice.

“Nothing,” he assured me. “You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.” His smile was kind. I couldn’t decide what smile I liked more. This one, or the wicked one from before.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and followed him out. He didn’t let go of my hand until we reached the dining room, and I refused to acknowledge the bereft feeling in my chest as his touch fell away from mine.

“Are you alright, honey?” Elodie asked as soon as we walked into the room.

“A little bit of sun stroke.” Braden waved Ellie’s mom off with reassurance. “She was out in the sun too long this morning.”

“Oh.” She turned her motherly concern on me. “I hope you at least wore sun screen.”

I nodded, sliding into my seat. “Just forgot to wear a hat.”

As their conversation picked up and the tension drained from the table, I ignored Ellie’s suspicious glances and shot Braden a grateful smile.

~6~

By the end of the di

My plans for being alone were foiled by Braden and Ellie who were meeting up with Adam for drinks. I tried to get out of going with them but Ellie wasn’t having it. It was like she sensed I was going home to brood or something.

After bidding the Nichols a goodbye and promising Elodie I’d be back, we headed out to grab a cab to take us back to the apartment so I could pick up my purse. I only had my cell on me and was determined nobody – as in Braden – was buying me drinks tonight, but me. The less I was in this guy’s debt the better.

As the cab drew up to the apartment, a tall, lanky figure sitting on our front stoop made my chest tighten. Heart racing, I jumped out of the cab first, hurrying over to James who stood up, his duffle bag kicked at his feet. Large dark circles plagued his eyes, his face was drawn and pale, the corners of his mouth tight with pain and anger.

“Just tell me one thing. Did you encourage her to leave me?”

Taken aback by all the bristling anger directed at me, I shook my head numbly, taking a wary step toward him. “James, no.”

He pointed his finger at me, his mouth twisted with bitterness. “The two of you are so fucked up… you had to have had a hand in this somewhere.”

“Hey.” Braden stepped in front of me, calm but intimidating as he spoke to James, “Back off.”

“Braden, it’s okay.” I gazed back at Ellie who was standing watching us wide-eyed. Eyes pleading with her I gestured at Braden. “You two go on ahead without me.”

“I don’t think so.” Braden shook his head, his eyes never straying from James.

“Please.”

“Braden.” Ellie tugged on his elbow. “Come on. Let’s give them some privacy.”

A

“Wha-”

He reached for my hand and curled my fingers back around the phone. “You’ve got my number now. Call if you need me. Okay?”

I nodded dumbly. As Ellie dragged her brother away, I gazed down at the phone in my hand. Was Braden looking out for me? Was he concerned? I glanced at him over my shoulder. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had done something like that. It was just a little thing but…

“Joss?”

James’ impatient voice pulled me back around out of my musings. I sighed heavily, so exhausted, but knowing I needed to deal with this. “Come inside.”

Once we were settled in the sitting room with coffee, I jumped right into it. “I told Rhian I thought she was making a mistake. I would never encourage her to leave you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her.”

James shook his head, his dark eyes bleak. “I’m sorry, Joss. About earlier. I just… I feel like I can’t breathe. It doesn’t seem real, you know.”

Feeling hopeless, I leaned over to rub his shoulder in comfort. “Maybe Rhian will change her mind.”

“I thought she was over her bullshit,” he continued like I hadn’t spoken, “It’s all because of her parents, you know that right?”

“Kind of. Not really. We don’t talk about that stuff.”

He eyed me with something akin to disbelief. “You two are supposed to be best friends, but sometimes I think you do each other more damage than good.”

“James-”

“Rhian’s mum loved Rhian’s dad. Her dad was an emotionally-stunted, alcoholic prick, but that bitch loved him more than she loved Rhian. He beat the shit out of Rhian and her mum all the time. And Rhian’s mum kept going back to him. Eventually, he took off, filed for divorce, met someone else. Rhian’s mum blamed her. Said she was a fuck-up and that she’d end up just like her dad. For years she’s told Rhian she was just like her dad, a disaster waiting to happen. And Rhian believes it.