Backlash

I also can’t help wondering what would have happened if Lara hadn’t tried to kill herself. If I hadn’t been stuck at the hospital. If I’d been able to go to auditions instead of being caught up in Lara’s drama.

Maybe it could have been me. It’s not like I’m mad at Cara — if anyone other than me had to get the lead, I’m glad it was her.

But the thing is … I wanted the role sooooo badly. Even if I didn’t get the part, at least I wanted the opportunity to try out. All that practicing for weeks leading up to auditions. And because of Lara — no, because of Bree — I didn’t even get that chance.

It makes me mad at Bree all over again. And at Liam. Is he crazy? How can he expect me to feel sorry for Bree? I mean, it’s not like I want people to make death threats. That’s going totally overboard. But she deserves something bad to happen to her because of what she did. She shouldn’t just get to keep on going on with her life like nothing ever happened. Because we don’t have that option. Not Lara. Not me. Not anyone in my family. Especially now.

“Ohmigosh, did you see the latest about Bree and her mom on the news?” Maddie says between bites of carrot.

Jeez, Maddie, didn’t anyone ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?

“You mean Monster Mom?” Cara giggles. “Wouldn’t that be a great new reality series?”

“Yeah, sure,” I say. “If it weren’t actually my life at the moment.”

The smiles fade from my friends’ faces.

“I’m sooooo sorry, Syd — I … just spaced,” Cara says. “I’m not used to stuff on the news having anything to do with people I actually know. You know … real people.”

“Trust me, this is all too real. For my family and the Co

They both gape at me.

“Wait — are you sticking up for Brea

“Totally messed up,” Cara agrees.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been confused every minute of every single day since we found Lara unconscious in the bathroom. I alternate between being confused and mad. Mad at everyone and everything. Mad about why everything in our family always revolves around Lara. Confused about why life is so freaking unfair all the time. Wondering why people have to be jerks instead of being nice to one another.

“No … I’m not sticking up for her … exactly. It’s just … I don’t know.”

How do I explain that as much as I hate Bree and Mrs. Co

“Never mind. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.” I get up and clear my stuff.

“I’m sorry if I upset you, Syd,” Cara says. “Really, I am.”

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Things are just … you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” she says.

But the thing is, Cara doesn’t know. Neither does Maddie. Neither of them have the faintest idea what it’s like. How can they?

The only person who really understands is the brother of the one who started all this. And now that I’m mad at him, I feel absolutely and totally alone.

It’s not till I reach the nearest bathroom that the realization hits me: I’m turning into my sister, Lara — a walking, talking buzzkill.

I’m working on my homework later that afternoon when I get a text from Liam.

Need to talk. Can u meet me in the tree fort?

My thumbs hesitate over my phone. Part of me is still mad at him and wants to stay that way, because it’s easier than trying to figure out the mess of feelings I have for him if I’m not. Also, if there are any press people lurking around, and they catch a picture of us together … I can’t even think about that.

But the other part of me, the one that feels so incredibly alone in this insanity — that part wins out.

K. Be there in 5.

I finish the problem I was working on, then go brush my hair and put on lip gloss, even though it’s only Liam and I’m just meeting him in the tree fort. So why am I bothering?

Slipping out the back door, I check for camera people, but they seem to be congregated around the front of the house. Still, I keep to the back of the yard and detour around the rusting swing set that none of us use anymore, just in case.

Liam’s already there when I climb up into the tree fort. It’s dusk and there’s no electricity up here, so he’s lit a few candles. In their flickering glow, I can see the fort is noticeably cleaner and less cobwebby than the last time I was there.

“It looks cleaner up here.”

“Yeah,” he says. “You should see me with a feather duster. The spiders were quaking in their webs.”

“Well, it’s a lot nicer being up here without getting them in my hair, that’s for sure.”

And then we just look at each other in an awkward silence.

I break eye contact first, unsure of what to make of what I see there.

“Syd … I feel bad about this morning. You know … on the bus?”

I meet his gaze again. His green eyes glow, reflecting candlelight and what I think is … what I hope is … honesty.

I nod, afraid to say anything. And then he reaches over and takes my hand, warming my cold fingers.

“I totally get it that this is all Bree’s fault. And my mom’s. I really do. I know that because of what they did, Lara almost …” He swallows, and I’m temporarily distracted by his Adam’s apple, so it’s not till I look back to his eyes that I realize how upset he is about this. “Almost died, and I get how sick that is.”

Then he kind of tugs my hand, pulling me toward him, and we are in an awkward hug. I’m suddenly aware of how close his lips are to mine, and I wonder if Liam wants to kiss me. Because I want to kiss him. And then he’s leaning in, a brush of lips, soft and warm on mine, with the candle in between us, like a warning that I might get burned.

I pull away and bite my lip. I wanted that kiss, but this is all just so messed up. My first kiss ever — and it’s with Liam Co

“I know how hard things must be for you, Syd. I just … I just wanted you to understand that things are pretty messed up at our house, too.”

“I know,” I say. “And I know it’s not your fault.” I sigh. “Are you still getting the death threat calls?”

“We haven’t plugged the phones back in yet,” Liam says. “We’re not going to until we’ve changed the phone number to an unlisted one. But in the meantime, someone hacked Dad’s business website and redirected it to a porn site.”

“Eww — that’s disgusting.”

“It’s more than disgusting. It’s shut down his online business until he can get someone to fix it,” Liam says. “Not to mention how it’s hurting the reputation of his store. He says this could end up ruining everything he’s worked for his entire life — because Mom and Bree were idiots.”

What does he want from me? Sympathy? Comfort? Understanding?

“Bet that went down well with Mary Jo,” I say.

Liam laughs bitterly. “Oh yeah. I’m surprised you couldn’t hear the shouting from your house.” He moves the index finger of his free hand back and forth through the tip of the candle flame.

“Stop!” I exclaim. “Doesn’t that hurt?”

“This?” he asks, doing it again, gri

I shake my head. I already feel like it’s dangerous enough being up here with him. Kissing him, even. I don’t need to make it even more real by sticking my finger through a flame.

“I spent a lot of time doing this up here last night when Mom and Dad were fighting, and the phones kept ringing off the hook, and Bree was crying,” Liam says, ru