Being Audrey Hepburn

“Ha, sorry, I’m so clueless.”

“This is what’s left of Queen Hatshepsut, the great female pharaoh who ruled Egypt during Dynasty Eighteen, approximately 1473 to 1458 B.C. Her son did it. Thutmose the Third. He must have been a total dick. When she died, he destroyed all the images of his mom in existence. Thankfully he missed a few. These are the smashed pieces of the funerary temple.”

“Maybe he was pissed about that name … Thutmose—that had to really suck in middle school.”

“For sure. But, lucky me, I get to bar code and enter each of these little fragments into the collection management system. Fun, huh? And you get to help.”

“This will make for a thrilling night,” I said. “Why do I let you rope me into this drudgery?”

“I guess you must like me,” she answered and gave me a goofy grin.

“Hey, didn’t you say there was something I had to see?”

“Oh yeah, I have a little surprise for you.” With a mischievous look, Jess lifted up a large box from under the table.

“Apparently it was recently logged in on loan from Hubert de Givenchy’s private archive, no less,” she said. “I came across it in my last plunge into the frozen depths of the Met’s Costume Institute archives. I’ll have to put it back right away.”

She gently opened the box and pulled back the paper. I felt my breath catch short as I realized what was inside.

I could hardly believe it.

6

“It’s going to be fine,” I said, sliding my arms through the holes above my head. My heart was thumping so hard it felt like it might just pop out of my chest.

“Why didn’t I know I had asthma until now?” Jess asked, dropping down onto one of the swivel work chairs. “I’m so stressed I can’t breathe.”

“You’ll live,” I said as I carefully avoided sticking my hands through the neck opening.

Being a total Audrey fanatic, I knew from endless Internet searches that this was the dress that almost no one in the history of the world besides Hubert de Givenchy had seen and only one person had ever tried on—Audrey Hepburn. That’s because the actual dress Audrey wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s didn’t exist. It was covertly destroyed under the supervision of the notoriously controlling Queen of Hollywood Costume and Wardrobe, Edith Head, and Audrey herself, at least that’s what every fan site on the Internet said. Edith Head was kind of the Wicked Witch of the West when it came to Audrey’s wardrobe.

But the dress in Breakfast at Tiffany’s wasn’t the dress Givenchy created for her anyway. Givenchy’s original, which had a slit along the left leg and a slightly shorter length, was even more exquisite and dazzling than the one in the movie. Givenchy designed the entire ensemble, adding the perfect accessories to match the gown: a bundle of pearls, a foot-long cigarette holder, and opera gloves. Hard to believe, but in those days Hollywood was prudish about showing a little leg—long before Angelina Jolie’s gams came peaking out of her dress at the Oscars. Even though Holly was supposed to be an escort kind of call girl, the studio didn’t want her to look like one.

Shimmying the dress over my hips, I was actually thankful, for once, that I didn’t have any. To think … I had to be the only person to try it on since Audrey Hepburn.

It’s a bit of a mystery, but most people assumed that the dress Audrey wore in the opening scenes of the movie was a Givenchy. In fact, the dress was a phony redesigned by Edith Head. The dress I was pulling on, with its weighted hem and opening at the leg, was one of three versions in existence that were all Givenchy originals. Audrey likely wore the hand-stitched version when she was fitted by Givenchy, but a photograph of her wearing the dress has never surfaced.

Edith Head’s version did away with the open leg and lengthened and tightened the bottom to deemphasize how “revealing” it was. That’s why Audrey had to take such tiny Geisha girl steps, almost waddling to the windows at Tiffany’s.

It seemed like there was some kind of agreement between Paramount and Audrey that Edith would destroy the two phony dresses she had made after filming, perhaps to save Givenchy the embarrassment of the bogus dresses floating around that were more sedate and conventional than his original design. It’s believed that they were taken apart and burned at the Western Costume Company’s cavernous warehouses in Hollywood.

The swoon-worthy dress was sliding down my back, and the black lining felt incredibly smooth against my skin, more like a silk hug than a dress.

Of the three dresses Givenchy created that still existed—all with the exposed hip-length slit down the leg—one, a machine-stitched version, was donated to the Madrid Museum of Costume and is permanently exhibited there. Another was sold at a Christie’s auction to an anonymous telephone bidder. That anonymous bidder is suspected to be none other than Posh Spice, who is an Audrey fanatic like me, but with money. They say she has an Audrey room in “Beckingham Palace” that she shares with her soccer hubby. I cringed to think what Audrey would have thought of her dress sitting in a Spice Girl’s mansion.

Lastly there was the Audrey-fitted original hand-stitched dress, which was the one I had just slipped on.

“Well, instead of sitting there—you could help?” I said, trying to adjust the shoulders.

“Sure, why shouldn’t I make it easier for you to get me fired?” Jess snapped off her blue gloves, stood up, and helped pull the dress down. Turning the hem, she had a surprised expression on her face. “Dude, this hand stitching is awesome.”

When she gently drew the zipper up, a tiny gasp escaped her lips.

“Ohmygod, Lisbeth, this dress fits like it was made for you.” The gown settled perfectly around my hips with a snugness and a lift I had never felt before.

My cheeks flushed with excitement as I searched for a mirror. Spotting one in the corner, I lifted up the dress, feeling the weights that Givenchy had strategically placed in the hem to ensure the fabric fell perfectly on Audrey’s body.

“You need shoes,” Jess said.

As she rummaged through her giant bag I pulled on the long black gloves.

“How about these?” she asked, holding up a pair of black patent stilettos like she’d just caught a pop fly as it was about to go over the left field fence.

“Ooh! Gimme!” I said, wondering why Jess would keep a pair of these CFM pumps in her bag.

Jess steadied me as I slipped into the heels. I didn’t want to sit down for fear I’d wrinkle the dress, imagining Jess trying to explain to the curator how the most famous dress in the history of all dresses ended up with my ass creases.

Jess’s shoes were too big (I wear an 8½, Jess wears a 10), but they were for looks, not for dancing, so I didn’t really care. I shuffled the rest of the way to the mirror like a kindergartner in her mother’s shoes, my heart floating in anticipation.

I was already hyperventilating when I saw myself for the first time. I seemed long and lean and elegant, and with Jess’s shoes, even the length was perfect. It just skimmed the patent shoe—an inch or so off the floor, and the fabric revealed just a tiny bit of my ankle. I could hardly believe my eyes. The black dress was perfection.

“You must be the best friend ever.” I glanced back at Jess. I’d never seen such a wide-eyed expression like that in her eyes before.

“I can’t believe how perfect you look!” A glaze had come over her eyes, as if she were mesmerized by a hypnotic illusion. “Wait! One more thing!” she said and ran out of the room.

She was gone for thirty seconds—but it could have been an hour for all I knew. I was busy staring at myself in the mirror. Someone entirely new was staring back.

“Sorry we don’t have the Audrey tiara.” Jess reappeared. “Jackie Ke