Being Audrey Hepburn

“He’s already a head case,” she said. “There’s this letter from the school district. He’s supposed to go to summer school if he wants to move up to the next grade. He could get sent to juvie if he doesn’t.”

After we exhausted our tears, we sat for a little while in silence.

“Well, I’ve got a plan,” I said. She looked at me like I was crazy.

“Yeah sure,” she said and reverted to her standard “you don’t know shit” expression she has given me since the day I was born.

“You’ll see,” I said. “This is going to work out. It’s bad now, but a lot of times good comes out…”

“… When bad things happen,” she said before I could. “I know that BS from Nan, and it’s for suckers…” She stopped herself because that was what Mom would have said. “I’m sorry, Lizzy, you’re the only one who thinks things can change. You’re the only one in the family who still believes in hope. I just don’t think it’s going to happen.” Courtney took another drag on her cigarette and let out the smoke in one long weary breath.

“What did they say about Mom?” I asked.

“They don’t know. She was going through really bad withdrawal symptoms. I don’t think they’re DTs, but they have her sedated. She was shaking and all that shit. I think there are some hopeful signs on the liver tests, but the cold-turkey is killing her.”

“The drinking is killing her,” I said.

“When do you start college?” she asked, her eyes narrowing in on me.

“I’m not going,” I said and waited for the look of alarm on her face. When it registered, I though she might throw something at me.

“Don’t even say that,” she said, astonished. “Mom will freak.”

“I have another plan,” I said.

“The Hole?” she asked with astonishment. “Word is you’re toast there. Have you even been to work for the last week? I have no idea how you pay for all the stuff you do.”

“I’m getting a job in fashion.”

“How are you qualified for that? Something with your dyke friend?”

“That’s not your problem. I’m going to figure it out.” I’d wilt if she lit into me, so I slipped ten crisp one hundred dollar bills from my purse and placed them on the table. I thought she was going to fall out of her chair.

“Did you rob an ATM?”

“Hopefully this is enough to cover the bills for now. Let’s figure out how we’re going to get Ryan to summer school, but first things first,” I said and headed for the kitchen cupboards.

In the cupboard above the stove, I found four half-gallon bottles of Gordon’s. Checking the cabinet below the silverware, I found three more. Then I went to the freezer and found three bottles of some other generic vodka I’d never heard of and put those on the table.

“What are you doing?” Courtney asked.

“Help me,” I said. Courtney thought a second, put out her cigarette, and got up and went right for Mom’s stash in the laundry room—four bottles of Captain Morgan’s rum and a bottle of Southern Comfort.

“What are you guys doing?” Ryan asked. He must have heard the bottles clanking, and it was the one thing that made him stop playing his game.

“Come on, Ryan, help us,” I said.

In a few moments, we were all combing the house for Mom’s booze like some perverse treasure hunt. The bottles were everywhere—in the garage behind the paint cans, forgotten bottles under Mom’s bed, an unopened case in her closet, half empties under the La-Z-Boy, and another shoved way back behind the towels in the bathroom cabinet. I think it was kind of blowing Ryan’s mind, because he knew Mom drank a lot, but this was totally off the charts.

We gathered them from the kitchen table, all thirty-one of them, and started taking them outside, lining them up in the driveway.

“Now what?” Ryan asked as he placed the last three bottles in a row.

I walked over to the first half gallon of Gordon’s, picked it up, and threw it down as hard as I could against the cement by the garage door, smashing the bottle to pieces, the vodka pouring out, ru

Ryan and Courtney looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Then Courtney picked up a couple of bottles and slammed them against the sidewalk so hard we all had to jump out of the way to avoid the glass.

The three of us took turns screaming as we decimated the bottles that had wrecked our mom and our lives. The ru

I’ve never loved my sister and brother as much as I did that very moment—the three of us standing in a pile of glass, the stench of alcohol ru

Courtney got a couple of brooms, and we swept the glass into a garbage can while Ry sprayed down the driveway with the garden hose. Hundreds of dollars of alcohol down the gutter.

We all sat on the curb and watched as the sun began to set.

“That was fun and everything,” Courtney said, calming down, “but what the fuck are we going to do about all the other shit?”

“Like I said, I have a plan.” I got up and walked back inside. “Let’s take a look at those bills for a starter.”

Courtney and I began tallying up everything, and it was clear that, as she became sick, Mom had stopped keeping it together. All that ammonia in her blood, I guessed. Some bills hadn’t been paid in three months. Ryan ran into the room, interrupting us.

“Hey, there’s a taxi outside,” Ryan said, ru

“Sorry I’m late, Lisbeth. I hadn’t realized it would be such an ordeal to check myself out of the old-biddy home,” Nan said as she entered, dropping her overnight bag on a chair.

She was as bright and vibrant as I’d ever seen her. “Betty nearly had a heart attack. I thought they’d have to finally institutionalize her.”

Courtney regarded Nan with bewilderment.

“Hello, Courtney,” Nan said and threw open her arms.

“Hi, Nan,” Courtney said sheepishly. She seemed like she might cry, but instead went ru

“Ry, say hi to Nan,” I said. He had already retreated to the living room, where he was thumbing the controller of his game.

“Just a minute, I’m in the middle of a raid,” he said.

“Excuse me, young man?” Nan walked over to the television set.

“Oh hi,” Ryan finally said and went back to his game. Nan walked around to the other side of the television set.

“Hmm. Let’s see how this works.” She ducked down and ripped the television cord out of the wall.

“Hey, that’s my game!” Ry was in shock.

“Well perhaps you can play some more after we get this house in shape. Let’s start with your mother’s room so I have a place to sleep tonight.” Nan grabbed Ryan by the wrist with her iron grip and led him to the stairway. Courtney’s eyes widened and turned to me, stu

“Hey, Nan,” she said, “can I give you a hand?”

“Why certainly, dear.” Nan gave me a wink as they all started up the stairs. I began to follow, but she stopped me.

“You go along to the hospital, dear,” she said. “I know you have some important things to attend to.”

48

The hospital was quiet that evening when I arrived. They had moved Mom to a different unit, so it took a little while to find her. But even the volunteer at the information desk seemed to know that I was Ella Wachowicz’s daughter, so they took me back as soon as they could.

As I passed the nurse’s station, all the nurses and the orderlies and doctors were watching me. A few nodded hello.

When I reached Mom’s room, Nurse Bry