Being Audrey Hepburn

“Try this,” I said. She took the two hangers, ducking behind the armoire again.

“By the way, RF said you were absolutely stellar and impressive,” she said as she dressed. “He said he admires you.” She reappeared, her strawberry-blonde hair falling in luxurious waves over the black silk shirt.

“What do you think?”

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

“Good. We’re all ready to go,” she said and noticed for the first time what I was wearing. “Wait, aren’t you getting dressed? What’s in the bag?”

44

Robert greeted us at the door, and you’d think I was his long lost daughter. He was holding Morris, a tiny shih tzu that all the girls cooed over as they passed by. The apartment was magnificent with floor-to-ceiling windows and enormous unobstructed views of the Hudson. There was a huge skylight over the oversize dining room, and if it ever got dark enough in New York City, I’d bet you could see the stars from there.

“Allow me to give you the tour,” Robert offered as Tabitha and I followed him from room to room. It was jarring how quickly Tabitha’s mood had shifted again. She and Robert seemed fine with each other. I didn’t know what to make of it.

Partygoers were everywhere, young girls lounging on the couches picking at hors d’oeuvres and sipping sugary pink martinis, men smoking cigars and playing billiards.

On the rooftop garden, guests reveled beneath the towering Empire State Building, which loomed overhead and seemed close enough to be next door, its upper stories glowing red, white, and blue. But everyone seemed so used to it they didn’t notice. Ho hum, another dazzling skyline, another gorgeous view. I found myself in awe of it all.

There were huge paintings in all the rooms like the ones I’d seen at Palazzo Chupi and in the Mary Boone Gallery, and the place was packed. Music blasted from invisible speakers in each room, young girls danced and writhed to the beat, and bars were set up at every corner. Though it was only 9:30, the crowd already seemed to have imbibed significantly more than usual.

Scattered throughout the apartment were attractive, refined, slightly woozy young women. Interspersed were noticeably older men, some of them Robert’s age and even older, chatting and flirting.

I turned to Tabitha to remark on the intense number of young girls, but she was gone. Only Robert was there, holding Morris and surveying the scene like Dracula presiding over his subjects. I almost expected to see his fangs come out.

Back inside, I wondered if ZK was actually here or if Tabitha simply said so to lure me.

“May I offer you something to drink?” a waiter summoned by Robert asked, carrying a tray of the sugary pink cocktails. I sipped one, wondering how I let myself be convinced to come to Robert Francis’s penthouse. An antique clock sitting on the fireplace mantel reminded me that I’d forgotten again to call in sick to work that night. Work. Jake. It all seemed so far away. I flashed on Mom, Courtney, and Ryan.

“I’m flattered that you actually came to my little gathering,” Robert said, waking me from my trance. “I didn’t think you would, considering our last meeting.” I felt curiously silent, and he seemed not to mind that I wasn’t responding. I remember trying to come up with something witty to say.

“You look absolutely stu

I sipped on the foaming pink confection, feeling oddly lightheaded and thinking how I might excuse myself to find Tabitha. I wanted to sit down. I wouldn’t put it past Sleazebag Mr. Armani to add something narcotic to these pink drinks. It took a moment to realize that the short tour had ended. We were in an enormous room with vaulted ceilings, a large mirrored armoire at one end, and a bed at the other.

Scooting across the floor, Morris jumped up on a footstool at the bottom of the bed and barked as if expecting something. Robert said a few words I couldn’t quite understand and offered me a flute of champagne, which I groggily accepted. As I tried to make sense of where I was, a light crossed the room and reflected in the mirror. I saw an immense tiled bathroom and Robert’s silhouette entering the light.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, and I remembered wondering, Right back from where? To where? What was I doing here? Why was I in his bedroom? I thought about the St. Regis and the story of Jacob Astor and his schoolgirl wife. I felt like I was going to be sick.

I staggered, and Morris yelped at me. The incessant barking gave me an instant headache. I could see him yapping at himself in the mirror. I wanted to just fall on the bed and go to sleep, but in my reflection I saw myself in Jess’s new dress and felt the urge to get out of there.

I burst out of the bedroom and ran past the partygoers, who barely noticed me, until I reached the terrace and the summer night air, breathing in and out as deeply as I could, until I felt a little better. I found a bar and drank two glasses of water to clear my head.

Still groggy, I sought out a room filled with partygoers and sat on an armchair in the corner to rest. I resisted the desire to close my eyes for fear I’d fall asleep, and decided to keep moving. I needed a bathroom to throw water on my face. I must have turned around without knowing and found myself a few steps away from the bedroom I had run away from moments ago.

The door opened, and there was Robert in his bathrobe, smoking a cigarette and holding Morris. I stepped back in the shadows so he wouldn’t see me, and I watched as he took a girl, my age, just like me, gently by the elbow into his room. He paused for a moment, sca

He nodded, a slight smile on his lips, and dragged the door closed behind him.

45

I wanted a cup of coffee, but I settled for an espresso at the espresso station by one of the bars. The bitter shot of caffeine did the trick, and I felt awake and a tad wired.

I sca

In the elevator, I tried to make sense of what had just happened when the doors opened one floor below. Incredibly there was Tabitha with this ubercute boy, and I mean boy. He might have been sixteen. Where on earth did she find him in this party of creepy old men?

“Lisbeth!” Tabitha screamed, squealing as usual. She dragged me out of the elevator before the doors closed.

“This is Liam,” she said. “He’s in one of those new boy bands.”

“We’re really famous on YouTube, actually,” he said, shaking his head and smiling. He had a nice, soft Irish accent.

“Maybe with eight-year-olds,” Tabitha said and kissed him. I was happy to see her having fun for a change. I didn’t understand what had happened with Robert Francis, but Tabitha seemed liberated. Totally smashed, too.

“Let’s go back to the party,” she said excitedly.

“I’m afraid I’ve had my fill of pink martinis,” I began, trying to regain some of my Hepburn poise. I wanted to crawl home to New Jersey, unless I could figure out how to crash at Jess’s house without Sarrah throwing a fit. But I realized Tabitha wasn’t listening. She and her boy toy were snogging right in front of me.

“Darling, I’m going home,” I said, turning to press the elevator again. Tabitha drunkenly pulled away from Liam long enough to register that I was leaving, and together they dragged me from the elevator. Linking their arms in mine, they marched me down the hallway.