Finding Me

“Oh, that’s perfect! I can’t wear it, it washes me out, but it will look gorgeous on you! You have to wear it, Ace!” Kendall chimes with excitement.

Two hours later, the five of us pile into a taxi van and head downtown.

“Tonight, my goal is to dance with eleven hot guys,” Sava

“Eleven?” Je

“My goal is to get five free drinks,” Kendall adds, making me smirk.

“Let’s make this fun. Every hot guy you dance with is one point. Every free drink is two. Whoever gets to ten points first, wins,” Mindi a

“Wins what?” Kendall asks. “And who decides if the guy is hot? We need to establish some rules.”

“Oh lord,” Je

“Three sisters have to vote.”

I laugh and listen as Kendall and Mindi hash out the rules and details, knowing that this won’t come to fruition.

“Dad’s letter said that he imagined us having a lot of wild nights together once Ace turned twenty-one. He warned me that she’d probably always be able to drink us all under the table,” Sava

Her words make me stop. Stop moving. Stop breathing. I think even my heart has stopped. No one’s mentioned dad to me since Christmas.

“He warned me about that too. Said she gets it from mom’s side of the family,” Je

Kendall squeezes my hand. “What did your letter say?” Four sets of blue eyes turn to look at me.

My focus travels to my lap. “I never opened it.”

“Ace, you need to open it,” Sava

My chest burns with tears and the urge to flee.

I’m not ready for this.

“So what bar do we want to hit up first?” Kendall interjects, as though she too can feel the panic flooding me.

“Tin Man!” Je

The cab drops us off feet from the door where there’s a line already formed around the front and curling to the alley. Kendall wastes no time. She grips my hand in hers and nods her head toward the front to indicate her intentions to our older sisters and traipses to the front of the line. My feet already hurt, and I’ve only been in these heels for moments. I look down at them; they’re Kendall’s bright red leather pumps. They’re right up my alley. I’ve always loved really brightly colored heels that add pop to an outfit, but with every step that we take toward the front, hearing the people grumbling as we pass, I cringe and wish that I could sink back into the crowd and not have anything about me stand out.

She doesn’t even have to say anything. The bouncer looks us up and down appreciatively and then moves aside and asks us to place our left hands out.

“You didn’t even get carded! This dress is killer!” Sava

The place is already full due to it being a Saturday night, and we make our way to the bar that sits in the middle of the small club fashioned in metal, looking industrial and cold to the point I physically feel chilled even with the throbbing music and dancing bodies surrounding us.

Within seconds, a guy swoops in with dark, gelled hair and a slightly round face, wearing clothes that make him look more skuzzy than sleek. He offers to buy Kendall a drink. Without batting an eye she smiles widely at him and requests a shot of tequila. He turns to relay her order and she raises a finger to us to indicate that she’s counting.

Sava

Our sisters converge upon us, each holding a shot, Je

We deposit our empty shot glasses on the bar and make our way to the dance floor and begin dancing with each other. Je

I watch them for a while, making certain to turn any time someone attempts to catch my attention with a stare or by approaching me.

After an hour, the alcohol flows through my veins, loosening my nerves, and I follow Wes out to the dance floor near Kendall and Jameson. The four of us dance and laugh, a familiarity coating me that has me relax even further.

Landon’s the last to arrive, finding our small group, wearing a wide smile and long-sleeved shirt because although the weather seems warm to me and what I’m starting to become accustomed to, the weather’s a little cool tonight for locals.

“Where have you been?” Wes asks as Landon’s arms wrap around my shoulders.

“I had to take a nap before coming out here.”

“Old man!” Jameson cries, playfully throwing a punch into Landon’s side.

“An old man that can whip your ass,” Landon returns, making all of us laugh, even though I’m pretty sure none of us doubt the truth in his words.

The night progresses with us travelling to two additional clubs, our group growing with Adam and Kyle.

Landon’s been my dance partner for several songs, but I notice his attention keeps getting pulled away. I finally glance over my shoulder to see a tall auburn-haired girl with a deep cut purple dress and eyes that are transfixed on Landon.

“I’m going to go get something to drink,” I yell, disentangling myself from him.

His eyes meet mine, and then go back to the girl again, looking slightly guilty.

“Go introduce yourself, Romeo. I’ll be fine.”

His lips crack with a smile, and I shove him forward before turning to head to the bar.

“Ace? Ace?”

I turn reflexively at the sound of my name and find Amy Hall and her long blond hair approaching me with wide eyes conveying her surprise.

“Ace!” Her bare arms feel too warm as they wrap around my shoulders. Seeing someone that knows too much of my history and not enough of my present fills me with a growing sense of restlessness.

Her eyes flicker to mine but it’s not in the same way that my sisters do; it’s not to seek something out, but a brief stop as her eyes scan over me, likely finding that I’m still a little too thin, making my eyes appear too big.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I heard some crazy rumor that you moved to the East Coast!” Her smile shows how ridiculous she finds the rumor.

“I did.”

Her eyes widen further, and her smile begins to fall. “What happened? I mean, I know you and your dad, but I saw you at home quite a bit before he … you know.”

“Died?”

She nods, looking more uncomfortable by the word than she should with what all she’s asking me. “Did you and Max? I don’t know. I’m so confused. I heard that you guys were a couple, and were dating for a long time, and getting really serious, but I know you aren’t Max’s type because he doesn’t date, so…”

My eyebrow rises as soon as the word aren’t leaves her mouth, and I wait for the rest of her words, realizing as she shifts her weight to her other foot that I’ve been spending too much time with Kitty as I withhold the words she’s looking to me for.

“I mean, he slept with like, God knows how many girls.”

“No he didn’t.” My chin drops and my voice lowers as I feel a surge of defensiveness rush through me. Maybe it’s for Max, maybe it’s for my own self-respect, I don’t know. I can’t consider it too much because her eyes narrow on me and recognition dawns on her face.