Finding Me

“Where are my nieces?” I ask, looking to my sisters.

“We didn’t want to have to worry about bedtimes, or them being bored or anything while we got the chance to visit. You’ll see them all on Sunday though, at the shower,” Mindi replies, stepping forward and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“What about Kyle?”

“He’ll definitely be here. He was just held up at a worksite and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I brought you something,” she says, slipping her hand from my shoulders and making her way back to the cars.

“Oh, my salad!” Je

“Ta da!” Mindi cries, pulling out a large, clear bottle with a bright red label and top that’s adorned with an even larger pink bow. “We’re doing twenty-one all weekend!”

“We’re doing the bridal shower. I’m here for Je

“And to have a belated birthday celebration. It’s a must,” Je

We make our way inside slowly as I guide them over the slick floors. My sisters and Adam exchange greetings with Jameson and Kendall when we reach the kitchen.

Conversation is light and filled with jokes and stories about wedding pla

The doorbell rings four times in quick succession before the front door swings open and Kyle a

“Shit, dude, I’m sorry. You okay?” Jameson asks over my shoulder.

“Christ! What did you guys do? You need to raise your homeowner’s insurance.”

“Yeah, we rent,” Jameson replies as he extends an arm to Kyle. “I’d lose the flip flops. It will only make it worse.”

“Jesus! What did you guys do?” Kyle cries as his foot slides with a wary step forward.

“The floors got cleaned in a very unorthodox fashion,” Kendall shares.

Kyle shakes his head and kicks off his shoes before his head snaps toward me, and I see the focus returning to him. He takes three long strides and crushes me against his chest, sharing no words. The others’ voices stop as well as we hold on to one another. My eyes swim with tears for the first time since I found out about Kitty.

His arms are tight around my back, and I hold him just as tightly and hear him take a few long breaths to calm his own emotions from spilling over.

“Kyle, you forgot the salad!” Caulder’s deep voice carries from the still-open front door, and I peek around Kyle’s shoulder to see him trying to balance a large bowl with two other containers.

Kyle’s arms tighten once more before he lowers his grip and turns to the door. “Dude, stay there a second. These floors are like ice. You’re going to fall on your ass and be covered in food.”

Caulder stops abruptly, making Sava

My hands barely make it in time to catch a large tray before it fumbles from her grip.

“Sorry, babe!” Caulder says, watching her work to balance her remaining items.

“I didn’t even see you,” she replies.

I take a free hand and pull her sunglasses off to reveal her bright blue eyes taking everything in.

“I can’t hug you because I couldn’t stop baking! I need to hug you!” she says, looking down at the multiple dishes she’s still managing to hold.

Kyle grins and steps forward, managing to take everything from both our arms. Sava

Kyle and Caulder’s footsteps descend toward the kitchen with a quiet warning about the floors. Sava

“I’m sorry we’re late. Je

“You made cupcakes and potato salad?”

“And those brownies Aunt Kelly makes that you love. And a pineapple upside down cake because I remember you saying at Christmas that you’ve never had it, and I don’t even know how that’s possible, but after twenty-one years, you need to try some pineapple upside down cake.”

“Sava

“I love you too, Ace.”

Food covers nearly every inch of the kitchen counters when Sava

As she greets our other sisters, my hip leans against the counter and I stare at my family, stopping on Caulder. “Caulder, I thought you were sick?” I ask, turning my gaze to Kendall as I ask my question. She keeps her back turned, but I notice her shoulders flex.

“I had a cold a few weeks ago, but nothing noteworthy …” His voice trails off at the end as he looks around to see if he was supposed to admit that.

“Is your house under construction?” I ask, turning to Mindi.

“Yes it is,” she replies instantly.

“Yes, that’s what you’re supposed to say? Or yes, it really is.”

“It really is. I swear. You can drive by. It’s tented.”

“Did you guys spray furniture polish on the floors?” Sava

“It does smell like lemon. I know. My face got an up close and personal inspection,” Kyle says, uncapping the bottle of vodka that Mindi brought.

“I know, right? That’s what I said,” I cry, allowing my sisters to move forward and not home in on the fact that I’ve been misled. I’m really not surprised. I should have known. I think a part of me did and was just excited to be back here and with Kendall and the others, like things could somehow be normal.

Kendall turns and her eyes focus on me as her lips press into a thin line before lifting at the corners. It’s a hopeful smile, and I’m pretty sure an apology for deceiving me. “No, it’s a long story,” she answers.

“Where’s Landon? We’re going to need some extra man power to make a dent in all of this.”

“He’ll be back. He just had to run by his work really fast for something,” Kendall responds like the fact that Mindi just so casually asked about Landon and avoided mentioning Max as though he doesn’t even exist is completely customary, even though we’re gathered in his kitchen.

The thought distracts me from their current conversation, and my eyes rake over nearly every surface in the kitchen. I’ve cooked at this stove. I’ve emptied this dishwasher. I’ve cleared this table, and have even done fairly obscene things on the countertops that are now laden with food, yet traces of me have nearly vanished. I’ve noticed the small changes in practically every room that I’ve been in. Things that I had brought over of my own, or purchased either alone or with Max, are now gone, leaving bold shadows for my eyes to focus on.