Endless

My mouth was dry as sand. “So they think I failed.”

“They think you were tricked,” my mother corrected. She took a breath and turned me to face her. “Now you need to decide whether you wish to stay here, in the Light, with us, or go back to Juniper Landing and continue your mission.”

My heart thumped extra hard. I glanced over at my dad and Darcy. “What about you?” I asked my sister. “Do you get the same choice?”

“Yeah, but I already made it,” she said. “I’m staying here.”

“Oh.”

“When I really thought about it, I realized I’m not go

“But what about being a Lifer? What about our mission?” I asked.

She lifted her shoulders. “I was never technically a Lifer. I never really got what it meant. Honestly…I think I’d rather stay here and just…be.”

“Rory, we want you to know that whatever you decide, we’re here for you and we’re happy for you,” my father said. “If you want to go back, we’ll understand. And we’ll always be with you.”

I nodded, looking at my mom. The only thing I’d wanted for the past four years was to see her again. To hear her voice. To have her hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And there she was. Right there. Could I really imagine letting her go again?

“I want to be with you,” I said plainly. “It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since the second you told me you were sick.”

“I know, sweetie.”

“What’s it like here?” I asked. “Are you happy?”

“I’m at peace,” she said gently. “There’s a certainty about being here. Knowing nothing can ever hurt you again. There’s no confusion, no longing, no guilt. You just…are.”

It sounded like perfection, never having to worry. Never feeling pain or uncertainty. But there was something leading in her tone. She was trying to tell me something. I looked her in the eye and flinched in understanding.

“But there’s also no Tristan,” I said. “No confusion, longing, pain, uncertainty, or guilt means no passion, too. No…love?”

“Oh, there’s love,” she said. “It’s all around us. But it’s not the same. It’s not what you have with him.”

She tilted her head and smiled. “C’mere,” she said, holding out one hand.

I took it and she pulled me into her side, wrapping one arm around me and holding me close in a way that tickled me enough to make me laugh.

“You love him, don’t you?” she said. “With all your heart?”

“Yeah,” I croaked.

“And your mission there…it fulfilled you?” she asked. “It made you feel good, useful, accomplished?”

I straightened up, pulling away from her, and nodded, but my fingers still found her hand, unwilling to break apart for more than a second. “It did.”

“I so looked forward to this when I was alive,” she said, looking from me to Darcy. “That day you girls would come to me and tell me you’d found the one. And then, after everything that happened…” She looked away, then back to me, smiling. “The point is, I never thought I’d get to do it, yet here we are.” She squeezed my hand, her eyes shimmering, and I knew she thought that I should go back. That I should be happy. That I should have a life, however odd and unconventional and of the unliving it was. “It’s amazing how the universe works, isn’t it?”

I nodded, a half sob, half laugh rumbling from my throat. “Yeah. It is.”

“It’s okay,” my mother told me. She drew me into her chest and held me close, her chin against my shoulder. “It’s okay, baby. You go. You be with him. You deserve to be happy.”

“Mom,” I choked out. “Mommy. I wish you could come with me.”

“I know,” she said. “I know. But we got through this once before. We can do it again.” She pulled back and touched my face. “And who knows? Eternity is a long time. We may just find a way to meet up in the future. We Miller girls seem to have a way of getting around the rules.”

I snorted a laugh, tears and snot ru

“Tell Fisher I said good-bye,” she told me. “And that other jerk, too.”

I smiled. “Will do.”

Then, finally, I returned to my mother for one last bolstering hug. She kissed one cheek, then the other, then my forehead, and put her hands on my shoulders.

“Never forget who you are,” she said.

“Who is that again?” I asked tearfully.

“You’re Rory Miller,” she said. “You’re strong and smart and fierce and defiant and compassionate and caring and true. You’re my daughter, and I’ve got your back.”

I smiled as best I could and tried not to choke as I said, “Thanks, Mom. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, baby.”

For a long moment, we stood there, gazing at each other, and even though I knew this was good-bye, and even though my limbs felt heavy with sadness, this was so very different from the moment I’d said good-bye to her on Earth. There had been so much uncertainty then, so much finality, so much never-ever again. Now I knew where she was going to be, I knew she’d be safe, I knew she’d be watching. And the reality of that made my heart feel light.

My mom nodded, then turned me around slowly. Gradually, quietly, a vortex opened in front of us, this one white and long and far less intimidating. My mother leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said.

A velvet bag appeared in her hands, and she handed it to me. It was heavy, bulbous, and I had a feeling I knew what was inside. “Here,” she said. “You’re going to need these.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said lightly. “You always did give the best presents.”

She shrugged and kissed my forehead. “Your mom knows what you need better than anyone.”

I smiled, turned around, and stepped through.

Home Again

When I returned to Juniper Landing, I was at the foot of the bridge, standing right behind Joaquin, who was standing right behind Tristan. It was as if no time had passed between the image my mom had shown me in the Light and this moment. Overhead, the clouds were starting to break up and disperse, giving way to small, jagged pieces of blue sky.

“Hey,” I said. “Who died?”

Joaquin whirled around, so startled he almost lost his footing. “Rory?”

Tristan rose to his feet. He kept his back to me for what felt like an eternity before finally turning around. His face looked haggard, like he hadn’t slept in days. There were purple shadows under his eyes, and a tear clung to the underside of his chin.

“Too soon?” I asked, biting my bottom lip.

“Oh my god.”

In two long strides, he closed the distance between us and pulled me into a deep, passionate kiss, his arms locking around me and bending me backward. As I held him, the heavy velvet bag my mom had given me rested against his back. I felt the warm sunlight against the side of my face and laughed even as I was kissing him.

Finally Tristan pulled away and looked into my eyes with wonder, brushing my hair back from my face. “I thought I’d lost you,” he said. “I thought you were gone forever.”

“I know,” I said as the clouds continued to part. “So did I.” I glanced at the deserted area around the bridge, the dozens of muddy footprints peppering the ground. “Where is everyone?”

“I sent them down to deal with the crowd,” Tristan told me, holding on to my hand. “Hopefully they’re getting things under control.”

“What the hell happened in there?” Joaquin asked, hovering to my left. “Did Darcy and your dad get out?”