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“Je
I push my blonde, curly hair away from my face, noticing the beads of sweat, which have gathered along my hairline, square my shoulders, and glide toward the door to the office. I pause before taking the cool door handle into my hand. I take a deep breath, and slowly creaks open the heavy office door to see my father standing behind his large mahogany desk. I’m thankful his back is to me and his attention is focused on the papers he’s shuffling through; I don’t think I’m ready to see what he thinks of me. Instead of entering the room completely I stand, waiting for instruction. There will be instruction, there always is. I am never in control of household conversations, and this situation is no different.
“Take a seat, Je
I take a deep breath, gathering the strength to defend myself and explain as best I can. I have no memory of the evening, only the end result of the events, which occurred. My father is the least understanding person I know. I can only hope he will show me at least a slight bit of compassion.
“I know you think I’ve been careless. I can only imagine what this will do to the upcoming campaign, but Daddy, please believe me. I had no idea.” I exhale the ragged breath vibrating in my throat from fear. I scoot closer to the edge of the couch in an attempt to further plead my case. “I was at a party, a few weeks ago. Preston Lexington had finally asked me out and we went together. He acted like such a gentleman, offering to get my drinks all evening, even though I only drank soda. Amber hung out with us for part of the night and we had a good time listening to the band that was invited to play. But then…”
“Enough,” he interrupts, almost sighing the word as if my story is hurting him.
“But Daddy, let me explain,” I beg, the lump in my throat becoming unbearable. “I woke up in my car the next morning with tattered clothes and no memory of most of the night after arriving at the party. Preston was gone, Amber was gone; I was alone in the driveway with no idea of how I got there.” The tears roll down my cheeks and I choke on the words I’m trying desperately to spill out. My mother just listens, and my father hasn’t even turned to look at me. My pleas are falling on deaf ears. “Please, Daddy, believe me,” I whisper.
“Believe you?” he bellows, turning swiftly to challenge my request. “It doesn’t matter what I believe, it doesn’t matter what really happened. They only thing which matters is what we can prove, what we can make other people believe.”
He throws the documents he was clutching onto the coffee table in front of me; the pictures spilling across the slick varnished top. I hear my mother gasp at the sight before her. I can barely see the images through my tears, but I recognize enough to know nothing I say will ever matter. I’ve ruined us. The churning in my stomach takes over as I rush to the trashcan and empty the little bit of food I have in my stomach. Once my body has stopped shaking and the nauseous wave passes, I take a tissue from my father’s desk and return to my seat.
“I didn’t do this, I don’t remember doing any of this,” I stutter.
“Stop. Just stop it. This is an election year; do you realize how damaging this is? Even if the pictures were our only issue here, this could ruin us,” he snaps. “I’ve done what I could to contain everything, but you can’t be here right now. I’ve arranged for you to stay with your Aunt Margaret in Montana for your senior year; she will homeschool you. I plan to tell everyone you are caring for your sick aunt, which will help to explain the doctor’s appointments.”
He states everything so matter-of-factly; my feelings are completely disregarded. “You can’t just send me away, I can’t disappear like that, Dad. I can’t just disappear.”
“Yes I can, Je
“Andrew, what about these pictures? We can’t just hide these. The wives will surely catch wind of them; we will be social pariahs.” Of course, my mother is only thinking of herself. She, too, could care less about me, her daughter, her only child. She has no concern for the assault, which I have no recollection of, or consequences of the horrific event for me. Her primary concern is where this will land her within her social circles.
“These are the only remaining copies, Kim,” he says, taking a seat behind his desk while looking at documents laid out in front of him. He is finished with this conversation, not even bothering to look at us as he speaks. “It took a little legal muscle, but we have the photos. All other copies and negatives have been destroyed. Soon these will be too.”
Bracing myself, I grip onto the arm of the couch and pull myself up to stand before my father. I wipe the mess of snot and tears from my face and address my father one last time. Gathering every bit of courage I have, I finally speak the words I need to say to these people who claim to be my parents.
“I hope one day the two of you learn to love something more than just yourselves, more than power, or social status. I hope one day, you figure out how to protect the people you should love, and hopefully I still care enough to want that love.”
Before they can respond, I turn and leave the room, walking away from the life I knew and the friends and family I never really had.
Spring 2014
Jen
“What in the hell?” I croak out, pulling the cocoon of blankets off my head and slightly cracking open one eye to see the sun is barely peeking through the curtains. I reach for my nightstand to find the source of my uninvited morning wakeup call…Campbell. After sliding my finger across the answer bar, I snuggle back down into my warm haven, to find out what in the hell has her panties in a twist.
“Cam, there better be a good reason for this phone call before the hour of butt crack. The normal population is not up right now,” I say, ending my rant with a yawn to emphasize my point.
“The hour of butt crack?” she chuckles. “As in the butt crack of dawn?”