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“Look at me, Vivian,” he shouts, bringing my attention to his sapphire orbs. “Every day I regret what I did to hurt you, but you are making the same mistake now. I can’t be without you again. We belong together. Don’t walk away from me, from us.”
My blood boils with his insinuation that our separation is somehow my fault, and my temper rises to the surface. My hands shake, and my breathing hitches with words that are stuck in my constricting throat. When he reaches for me again, I unleash every emotion that I had been struggling to hold at bay.
“You fucking lied to me!” I scream, shoving him away from me. My face is streaked with tears, but this time I let them fall, the salty drops occasionally slipping into my mouth, the taste only serving as a reminder of the pain he has caused. “I let myself fall in love with you not once, but twice, and both times you proved to be disloyal.” Finally gaining control of my voice, I step towards Brooks, jabbing my finger into his muscled chest. “You know what, Brooks? You’re right. I did make a mistake in regard to you. My error is not in walking away from you now, it was with ever trusting you with my heart in the first place.” Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes to avoid the hurt that I’m causing. I take a step back. “Please leave,” I exhale.
I stand frozen, feet planted, eyes tightly shut. I feel Brooks kiss my forehead, and then nothing. I know before I open my eyes that I’m alone. My gut twists into knots when I open my eyes to see that Brooks did as I asked and left the bar.
I forcefully wipe the remainder of tears from my rosy cheeks and head to the bar. I bypass every questioning pair of eyes and head directly to the bartender, the only man here that I actually want to see. I knew this evening would end with liquor and tears; I just didn’t figure on it happening so soon. The handsome young man behind the bar rushes to take my order, surprisingly remembering that I had ordered wine before.
“Another moscato, doll?” He pauses for a second, taking in my appearance and then shakes his head. “May I suggest something a little stronger?”
“Yes, please,” I say, nodding while attempting to fix the smeared mascara that I’m sure is plastered and smudged under my eyes–waterproof, my ass.
The bartender turns to make my potent mystery concoction of future inebriated bliss, but pauses and turns back to the disheveled mess before him. “For what it’s worth, he’s obviously an ass,” he says, leaning across the bar in my direction so that his words are only for me. “And let me add that you look like one hell of a woman, and any guy that has the balls to make you cry should have them removed.”
I let out a half-snort half-laugh and pat his hand. “Thank you, I needed that. Remind me to introduce you to my friend Jen. I think you two would get along great. One of her favorite pastimes is to threaten to damage the jewels of every breathing man.”
“Well, if it’s warranted,” he laughs before returning to my drink.
When he places the glass filled to the brim with electric green alcohol that looks like something out of Blake’s Ninja Turtle movies in front of me, I chug it down without a word, letting the burn of it slide down my throat until the fire spreads through my chest. I cough and gasp for breath, and I fan myself, trying to ease the burn. I finally get myself under control and give him the signal for another.
“I think that should do the trick, love, but I figured you might want something else, so I made you something to chase it, but drink it slowly.”
I grab the fruity-looking drink from the bar and take a sip. It is strong but delicious. I reach for my purse, but he reaches for my hand. “This was on me. I’ll just call it my good deed for the day,” he says with a smile.
“Thank you,” I say, and when he nods and turns away from me, I slip a twenty across the bar and under his order book. I figure the kid brightened my dreary night; I can at least leave him a decent tip. I take one last guzzle of my frilly drink and head toward the firing squad waiting for me.
Deer in headlights…that is the best way to describe the expressions staring back at me. I throw myself down onto the empty chair and glance around the table at a sea of purely-dumbfounded gazes. To their credit, they remain silent, letting me down more of my liquid courage before having to address our overly curious group.
I see Jen’s leg bouncing violently under the table, and I know my reprieve is quickly dissipating. Swallowing one last gulp, I neatly place my drink on the table, square my shoulders, and let the alcohol takeover.
“I found out his secret. I know now why he did everything he did in college.” I throw it out there so matter-of-factly that the looks of confusion remain in place.
“Babe, we are going to need a little more than that,” Jen coddles. I can tell she is barely able to contain herself though; her fingers are hastily tapping on the tabletop, a sign of her impatience.
I clear my throat and wiggle in my chair; the heat of the situation is causing me to sweat, and my comfort level is now at DEFCON 5. I wipe the moisture from my hands on a napkin on the table, and I begin to tear it into little shreds.
“You’re killing us here; tell us the fucking story already!” We all turn to look at Carly, whose out-of-character outburst has taken us all by surprise. Her eyes widen, and her hand flies to her mouth to cover the verbal eruption. She slowly uncovers her lips and looks around the table, searching for forgiveness. “I just mean,” she stutters, “I…we are dying to find out what this is all about. Please stop stalling, and tell us what happened. We thought you guys had moved past everything and the relationship was good. We were all putting bets in on when you guys were getting engaged.”
“Well, you can hang on to your Benjamins, ladies; I think this relationship might just be O-V-E-R.” I attempt to be nonchalant, but saying the words aloud slaps me in the face, and I feel the pain of its finality. As much as his dishonesty has injured me, I don’t think I can really let him go.
Jen waves her hand, urging me to continue and clarify. I take another swig to numb my bruised heart, and inhale deeply to prepare for the next part of the story.
“You all know that my father was killed when I was a little girl, right?” Everyone nods, but Jen scowls; the lines between her brows deepen and her lips purse.
“Brooks’ dad was the one that killed him. He’s known since college, but never told me. Instead, he disappeared. This time, I guess he thought he could just keep it from me. But when his father showed up on his doorstep when I was there, his secret spilled out.”
“That piece of shit!” Jen blurts out. “Get the supplies; it’s ball-busting time!”
“Everyone, just calm down,” I snip. “I don’t think we need to go to that extreme.”
“I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell you. I get that the situation sucked in every way, but why would he hide it? Especially if he wanted to marry you?”
“I have no idea. Maybe he thought I’m too stupid to figure it out on my own, or maybe he thought I would never cross paths with Raymond Michaels, so it would never come up. Really, who knows? To be honest, I’m not sure I want to know at this point.”
All of the previous confusion fades and a mixture of emotions stares back at me. Jen is obviously angry and ready for blood. She would defend me until the day I die, whether I was in the right or not, and I’m so thankful for a friend like her. Carly just looks sad; you would think I ran over her dog or something. She looks as crushed as I feel, and the sympathy is pouring out of her.
Campbell, on the other hand, has been very silent. I’m sure that Jen caught her up on all of the drama while it played out in front of her, so there is no need to go through the back-story with her. She has always been the down-to-Earth, call-it-like-she-sees-it friend, who told you how it was, even if it meant that you were wrong or made you feel like shit. Love it or hate it about her, she always meant well. We are the only family she really has, and we love her like a sister. Her silence means she is overanalyzing the situation, and I’m probably not going to like her conclusion.