Scorched

I’d been waiting for about five minutes when the door opened. I looked up and my tummy dropped as I saw him. Goodness, it felt like forever since I’d last seen him.

Ta

He came forward, his long-legged pace eating up the distance between us, and then I was in his arms. I let out a soft gasp as I squeezed my eyes shut as he held me close to his chest, and I soaked up the warmth of his body, breathed in the fresh clean scent of his cologne.

“I had no idea if I’d ever get to do this again,” he said, his voice gruff as his chin grazed the top of my head. “The last time I saw you…” He pulled back, sliding his hands to my arms. Despite everything, a tight shiver coiled down my spine. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I wasn’t thinking—”

“No. I’m fine. Nothing really hurts anymore.” My gaze drifted to his and caught. I didn’t know what to say.

It seemed like Ta

“I can imagine.” I laughed, but it was without humor. I studied our hands. “I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.”

“I wish that had never happened.”

“Me too.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know what to say. We only have an hour and I don’t want to waste a second, but all I can do is sit here and stare at you.”

Oh gosh, why did he always have to say the right stuff?

“I guess I’ll start with saying I’m happy that you were okay with seeing me. I knew you were okay, but I…I just needed to see it with my own eyes.”

“I know…you heard the call go out and that you came straight to the hospital,” I told him. “I’m sorry you had to go through any of that. I just wasn’t ready to…to see you.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” He squeezed my hand. “What’s been going on in here?”

I raised a shoulder and then became aware of what I was doing. I wasn’t being honest. I was hiding, and damn, if Ta

Taking a deep breath, I slipped my hand free. I couldn’t be touching him when I had to be honest. Weird, but true. “I’ve spent a lot of time talking.”

“About?”

I smiled wanly. “Everything.”

“Would you…would you tell me?” he asked.

This was hard. Putting voice to this stuff, especially to someone like Ta

So I told him.

I talked about always rushing toward tomorrow, my restlessness and all those quiet moments. I confided in my fear of letting my parents down and how I couldn’t settle on a future. I even told him about when I’d taken my first drink and how it felt to not care about anything, to feel like I was free, and I told him about the crash, because that feeling never lasted.

When I was done, I was exhausted. It was like shedding skin, but all of these things I spoke to Ta

I exhaled loudly. “So that’s…that’s everything.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, and I peeked at him. He was staring at the wall. “That is everything. I…”

My cheeks heated. “You’re probably wishing you hadn’t asked.”

“No. Not at all,” he replied quickly. “I just didn’t know. I mean, I knew you…I thought that there was something going on, but you’re getting help.”

I shifted. “Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve changed on my own. If I hadn’t gotten in that car and had the accident, if I would still be doing what I was doing,” I admitted.

Ta

I glanced over at him. “Really? That’s what counts?”

His brows knitted. “Yes.”

“I don’t know. I think it has to be more than that. I messed up, Ta

“It does.” He twisted toward me. “But you didn’t. You only hurt yourself. And you’re getting help. The fact that you are facing this is a big deal. And Syd told me you didn’t fight it when your dad said you were going to treatment. Facing this takes real courage.”

Courage? I wasn’t sure about that.

His gaze searched mine. “Just in case you’re wondering, I’m not looking at you any differently, and I’m still waiting for you to come to me.”

My jaw nearly hit the floor. “What?”

He gri

“I’ve been diagnosed with depression. They think it’s a chemical imbalance, since I haven’t had any major life changes that would cause this, but that’s not something that is as easy to diagnose as people think it is. I have anxiety too, and it could be coming from the depression or the drinking. Or it could be a whole different set of issues. It could take months to really give a definitive diagnosis, but I’ve been self-medicating,” I rushed on, getting it out there. “With alcohol, and God knows what else.”

Ta

A knot crept into my throat. “I think I’ve always known. I mean, I knew my head—my thoughts sometimes just didn’t make sense. Like it always went to the worst-case scenario and I…I don’t think I’m good enough or worthy enough, and those quiet moments, God, they’re killer. That’s what’s really going on with me, so please—please don’t say anything you really don’t mean.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment and then, “First off, you are fucking good enough and you are worthy. Okay? Yeah, you made a shit choice when you got behind the wheel of that car, but that’s not going to define who you are from this point on. You know why?”

My eyes widened. “Why?”

“Because you learned from your shit choice. You are still learning. You are doing everything to not make a shit choice like that again. And secondly? You have depression. So do how many million other people? I’m not trying to downplay it. I know it’s serious shit, but do you think that makes me think less of you? Depression isn’t a villain in this. The way you were trying to cope with it was. Depression isn’t the bad guy and neither are you. Not when you recognize what you’ve done.”

Tears rushed my eyes.

“And finally?” he continued. “I love you, Andrea.”

My lips parted. “Come again?”

He barked out a short laugh. “I love you. Okay? I’m not quite sure when I realized it or how long I’ve felt it, but I know that’s what I feel. Trust me. When I thought you were going to die, the panic and horror I felt? Yeah, I know how I feel.”

All I could do was stare at him.

“I’m not expecting you to say it back to me.” He gently cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back. “I don’t want you to say it back to me now, because when I hear those words, I want you to be sure. I want you to say them with only happiness in your eyes. I can wait for that. I will wait for that.”

As I stared into his eyes, in that moment, I knew that I still loved him, but I could not shake the feeling, the realization that I so did not deserve him.

I did not deserve the happy ending Dave loved so much.

Chapter 24