The Line Between

“You’re playing a dangerous game,” he said. The timbre of his voice was low, and grave. Threatening.

“No,” I replied. “That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t a game. Not anymore. I’m done.”

I lifted what was left of the rose stems, and Reid’s hand flew out. He gripped my forearm, and pried them from my aching hand before I could do anymore damage.

“I think it’s time you left,” said Reid. “You’ve made your point.”

I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell he wasn’t impressed with my outburst. That was too bad, because I felt like it was long overdue. I should have done it years ago, but I was too afraid, and to be honest, a little too blinded by the way my body seemed to respond when Dane was close by.

“Good,” I replied.

Dane’s jaw ticked, and he looked ready to retaliate. I wasn’t going to give him the chance, so I turned on my heel, aware that all eyes were on us, and walked out of the cafeteria with faux confidence. It wasn’t until I was outside that I took my first real breath of air. Even through the glass windows I could feel Dane’s eyes on my back.

Walking away left an odd feeling in my gut. Part of me felt liberated, and I told myself I should have done it a long time ago. But the other part of me was afraid that it was really over. What I couldn’t understand was why the second part bothered me more than the first.

CHAPTE R EIGHT

Dane

MY EYES ROAMED the length of Ke

The sound of my heart’s volatile thump-thump drowned out all other sounds, and in my mind I tried to piece together what had just happened.

“That girl needs help,” muttered Amy. I didn’t bother acknowledging her comment. She didn’t know Ke

She was a tall, voluptuous redhead who I’d met last year during one of my architecture classes. We’d fooled around a few times, and for the last few days she’d been hanging around more and more. Until now it hadn’t been a problem, but I didn’t do exclusivity or ‘clingy’.

“C’mon, baby. Let me take care of those cuts,” she said. That nasal thing she did with her voice in an attempt to sound cute was a

Looking down at where her hand rested on my arm, I saw the marks left on my skin. They were red, and angry, and a few of them had even started to bleed a little. Ke

The noise levels rose, and everyone in the cafeteria had returned to whatever it was they were doing before Ke

“Dane, hello?”

Amy’s nasal voice interrupted the visual party going on in my head, and I had to refrain from letting out an audible groan. Her timing was impeccable though. The last thing I wanted was to imagine those kinds of things about Ke

“Leave it,” I said, pulling my arm away. “I’ll clean it up later.”

I caught Reid’s eye, and saw that he was just as taken aback by what Ke

“You okay?” He asked. He discarded what was left of the rose stems, and kicked away the petals on the floor.

“Yeah. I think I’m going to head home, and get cleaned up before we head out to Billy’s.”

I wasn’t in the mood to go out anymore, but going to a bar was more appealing than sitting at home brooding.

“I’ll see you in a while,” he replied. “I have a call to make.”

That was his way of saying ‘I’m calling Jade’.

He grabbed his bag from the floor, and weaved his way through the tables to the exit, his phone already at his ear. Maybe now that him and Jade were talking again he wouldn’t be so damn temperamental. It felt like I’d been living with a hormonal woman since Saturday, and I’d be happy to have Reid back to normal again.

“So, will I see you later?” Asked Amy. Her hand traveled up my arm, and the sight of her suddenly made my ‘hard’ problem down below not so hard anymore.

“Not tonight,” I replied. “I need to spend time with my boys.”

Her protest died behind me when I picked up my bag and left. I needed to get out of there, and do something to rid my head of all Ke

I was half way to our apartment when my phone rang. Pulling it from my pocket, I saw ‘mom’ flashing across the screen and sighed heavily before answering. I loved my mother, dearly, but sometimes having the simplest conversation with her was hard work.

“Hey mom,” I greeted. My voice was thick with the practiced enthusiasm I had whenever she called.

“Hi sweetheart. I haven’t heard from you in a while so I thought I’d check in.”

Melanie Winters was a beautiful woman, with a heart to match, but unfortunately life had tainted her. I understood her pain, and her loss, but we coped with it in different ways.

My mother became a shell of her former self, like she’d crawled deeper into herself and never came out. I, on the other hand, chose whatever would numb the torn edges of the hole in my chest, whether it was too much alcohol or sex with faceless girls. God knows I should’ve made better choices, but at the time it had worked and I’d felt nothing.

“Sorry, mom. Classes have been really busy, and dad got me that assistant coach position that’s also taking up my free time.”

“I understand sweetheart, I just…” the line went quiet, and when my mother spoke again I could hear the hitch in her voice. “I miss you,” she sniffled. Fuck. I couldn’t deal with her when she got like this. I didn’t want to be insensitive, but it was just too damn hard. “You’ve been so absent lately, Dane, and sometimes I feel like I’ve lost both my children.”

The air left my lungs like I’d been hit with a sledgehammer. I hated talking about this.

“Your birthday is coming up,” she said. “Your father thinks we should do something this year.”

“No,” I snapped.

My mother’s sharp inhalation on the other side was audible, and I winced. She didn’t deserve my hostility. We were after all carrying around the same sorrow.

“Don’t you think we should do something this year?” My mother asked quietly.

“What’s the point?” I asked. “Jewel isn’t here anymore mom, and I don’t feel like celebrating when my twin is buried six feet under.”

I regretted the words immediately, knowing they would cause my mother a world of hurt. I should’ve been more considerate, but bringing up my sister, and the fact that she was no longer alive, was a trigger.

“Dane.” She hiccupped, and it scratched at my self-condemnation.

“Sorry, mom,” I said. My body suddenly felt weary, and I wanted the conversation to be over already. “I just…”

“I know honey, I know, but you can’t hide from the rest of your life just because she’s gone. You have to live enough for both of you.”