The Stillburrow Crush

"What's wrong with my brother?" I snarled, batting at his hand.

I saw a glimpse of Luke's face then. He flushed and lit into a half grin. "Nothing's wrong with him. He seemed to be doing fine to me."

I stared at his face. Luke had us turned around now and I saw the tree-tops lining our path again. We were heading back out of the camping ground. And that's when I realized what was going on. His hand loosened in my hair and I immediately sat up, glaring at him as I shoved my bangs out of my eyes.

"He was out there with someone, wasn't he?" Luke's silence was admission enough.

"It was Abby," I said, already knowing the truth. 120

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

Luke gave a slight nod of the head. We turned away from the camping ground and I looked back, though I couldn't see anything now.

"What'd you see?" I needed to know.

"A lot more than I wanted to," he said with a snort. I stared at his face. He shifted in his seat as if he were uncomfortable. I turned back around to face the front and folded my arms over my chest. "That idiot."

"Marty?" Luke glanced at me. "Why do you say that?"

"He's going to get hurt," I whispered. The car slowed and pulled down a different country road. Luke parked to the side by a row of trees and killed the engine. The music that had filled the interior died, and silence spilled in around us. When he turned to me, he said softly,

"You really care about him, don't you?" I couldn't look at him. I stared at the road that stretched ahead of us. It seemed to go on forever. "He's my brother," I finally said.

I felt warm fingers touch the back of my hand. "Don't worry about him so much. Abby's a nice girl." I spun toward him then. I could feel the heat rise in my face. "Oh, I'm sure she is. She's perfectly nice for someone like you."

His mouth fell open in surprise. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, it's fine for her to date someone like you or one of your friends. Her mom and dad would compliment her for her choice in boyfriends. But not my brother. I guarantee you the principal and his wife don't know anything about them 121

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

being together. I guarantee you that would be the end of Abby's little fling if her parents did know. And yes, I know it's a fling," I said, when I saw Luke's mouth open as if to argue.

"I heard Abby's sister, Sidney, talking to her friends in the girls' bathroom at school," I continued. "I heard her say Abby thought she was so cool to date an older guy. But it's not going to stop her from going off to college next year and leaving him behind."

Luke shook his head. "And how do you know it's not just a...what'd you call it...a fling for your brother too?"

"Because Marty's never spent so long with one girl before." I didn't know how to make Luke understand but I suddenly wanted to. "I think he moved out because of her." I turned to stare out the passenger-side window as I said it, because it seemed too personal to admit to Luke's face. "I found out he was seeing her right after he packed up and rented that place with Austin Fitz. I think he wanted to show her he wasn't a loser. To impress her, you know?" When I glanced over at Luke, I was startled at the intensity with which he stared at me. "Next year, she's going to run off and find some college stud and Marty's going to be left here alone."

"You don't know what's going to happen." He took my hand and looked deep into my eyes. "Paulbrook isn't that far away. Abby could come back to visit him every weekend."

"Why would she want to?" I yanked my hand away. "She'll be a fancy city girl by then, and Marty will still be a small town guy that works at a grocery store." I sighed and stared out the window again. I couldn't look at Luke. "She's going to make a laughingstock out of him."

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"Carrie, I think Marty can take care of himself. He knows what he's getting into."

I didn't want to say it wasn't as much Marty I was worried about, as it was me. Being with Luke was what I wanted more than anything. And that had even less promise than thinking Marty and Abby would end up happily ever after. I didn't want to go back to town where Luke was the cool guy and I was best friends with the school dork. Where he hung out with cheerleaders and football players and I stayed home every evening and either read or wrote.

I wanted to be like other girls. I wanted to understand why they put on so much makeup and worried about clothes. I wanted to have lots of friends, talk on the phone for hours, and gossip about who liked who. I wanted to care about stupid stuff like that. I wanted to be normal. No, that's not quite right. I liked being who I was. I liked being editor of the paper and focusing so much of my attention on that. I just didn't want to feel so odd anymore. I didn't want to be ashamed to be a grease monkey's daughter. I wanted to stay right here, in this new car where it was just Luke and me. I wanted to stay me, but I wanted Luke to stop being the macho guy he was in school, and be the poet who was shy about his abilities and liked to argue and debate everything with me. This was my Luke. And I didn't want him to go away like I knew he would.

But who was I kidding?

"You're right," I said, feeling miserable. "Marty can take care of himself."

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I turned to stare out the passenger-side window, focusing on an old house that had been abandoned for as long as I could remember. I said, "They really ought to tear that place down. Just look at that sagging roof." Luke gave a soft laugh behind me. "That would involve change."

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you ever noticed this town's stuck in a time capsule? It's like we've never heard of the term progress. I mean, there's hardly any cell phone towers around and forget about high speed internet."

"High speed what?" I asked, glancing back to give him a puzzled look.

He opened his mouth to explain, when it dawned on him I was joking. "You always have to be a smart-aleck, don't you?"

We shared a smile.

I looked into his face and relished these minutes where I could ogle him selfishly. I knew I should give him the information he wanted from me now, but I could only stare. It took me a moment to notice his expression, though. His gaze had been roaming my face but had paused on my left ear. When he snorted out a surprised laugh, I frowned. He pointed a finger toward my hair. "Uh, I think the wind messed it up some."

I patted my head, my face flaming.

"Here," Luke said, and flipped down his visor, lighting up the mirror underneath. I looked up and groaned. Not only had the wind caught a hold of my hair and ripped it half out of its 124

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ponytail, it had also knotted and twisted it into a healthysized rat's nest. I tried to ignore the fact that Luke was sitting next to me—

and already knew exactly what the disaster looked like—and ripped the holder out of my hair. I combed through the mess with my fingers but there were knots everywhere. When I caught him staring again, I glared.

"What?" I demanded. But he continued to gawk. I patted at my hair and wondered what he could possibly be thinking about the mess.

"I've never seen it all down before," he said. Startled, I glanced back in the mirror. I'd seen it down millions of times. I just didn't leave the house with it loose. There was too much of it to let it run wild. I tried to see it how Luke must see it. It was curly—so curly it bobbed. Tight little curls framed my face like a border full of personality. From the corner of my eye, I saw Luke lift his hand toward one spiraling lock.