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His features softened with understanding. “If you need to —”
I didn’t know what Cole was going to say and I never would because at that exact moment we both got a text message from Liv.
Jo’s gone into labor!
We both looked up from our phones, eyes widened, and I knew Cole’s was the same message because he whispered, “Fuck.”
He flew into action. In less than a minute he’d thrown on his boots and coat, grabbed his keys, grabbed my hand, and hauled me out of his flat. We got into his little rust bucket of a Fiat, which was older than Beth, and hurtled toward the hospital.
Nine hours later, Jo gave birth to A
There was a whisper in the back of my thoughts, a whisper too loud to ignore, that wished Marco had been there to enjoy the moment, to be a part of my family. He’d missed Ellie giving birth to Bray and now Jo to Belle.
There was a part of me that didn’t think that felt right.
That part scared the hell out of me.
CHAPTER 22
A little under a week later I was heading out of my flat. It was a Saturday, the ground icy where the snowfall of the past few days had melted with the rain and then frozen over with the newly falling temperatures. I sidestepped a large patch of ice on my porch and started to make my way down the steps.
I was excited to be spending the day with Jo, Ellie, Belle, and Bray and had a bag filled with goodies for both children and mothers.
“Ha
I glanced up at the question, stopping on the last step of the front stoop to stare at the pretty brunette who stood a few feet from me on the pavement.
My eyes washed over her, wondering why she looked so familiar. “Yes?”
The young woman took a few steps forward, seeming anxious, and that’s when I remembered where I’d seen her: the photograph of Marco and his son at the German Market. The pretty brunette at his side. Leah. The mother of his son.
My heart suddenly took off at a gallop.
“I’m Leah McKinley. I’m Dylan’s mum.”
Eyeing her warily, I replied, “I know who you are.”
She stared at me. “You’re just like he described.”
I frowned in response. “What are you doing here?”
Her expression tightened. “I’m here because I care about Marco. And Marco’s a mess right now.”
I couldn’t ignore the guilt and pain that knowledge caused me. Since we’d last spoken on the phone, Marco had given me time. But he’d been honest when he said he’d give me time but not a lot of it. When five days passed and I didn’t contact him, he called me. Having already told him I needed space, I didn’t answer.
I didn’t answer when he called me three times after that.
I couldn’t answer, because my fear had made up my mind for me about us, and I didn’t know how to tell him.
“Look, he didn’t go into the details, but he explained that something bad happened to you years ago when he left and now he’s blaming himself.” She crossed her arms over her chest, appearing a
Feeling cornered, remorseful, and pissed off that I’d been made to feel guilty by someone I didn’t know, I gave her a look that told her I wouldn’t be cowed. “I’m not sure any of this is your business.”
Her face grew hard. “Marco isn’t just my son’s dad, he’s my friend. He’s a good guy and I don’t like anyone hurting him.”
“Does he know you’re here right now?”
“No.” She huffed. “And he’ll probably be really pissed off when I tell him I came to see you. But if it gives you a kick up the arse to do the right thing, then I’m okay with that.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe not. But we both know Marco is a good person. He doesn’t deserve to be feeling the way he’s feeling.” She shrugged, shot me one last searching look, and said, “You think on that.”
My visit with Bray, Belle, and their mums was somewhat poisoned by Leah’s decision to try to force my hand in the situation with Marco.
I spent most of the day worrying about him, until I came to the conclusion I needed to stop being such a coward and call him.
There was no game playing on his part. He picked up on the second ring.
“You know how to keep a guy hanging,” he answered quietly.
“I’m just calling to tell you I want you to stop blaming yourself. I don’t blame you for what happened to me.”
“Easier said than done, Ha
“Honestly,” I whispered, “I did. I know that it wasn’t right, though, and I’ve worked through that. I know that what happened to me wasn’t your fault. What happened to me wasn’t anyone’s fault. We were both at fault for being irresponsible and not using protection, that’s all.”
“No. That was my fault. I was the experienced one. But it was you… and in that moment I was too lost in you to think straight.”
“Was that the way it was with Leah?” I asked caustically.
“Ha
“Okay, I don’t want to hear any more,” I interrupted.
He was silent for a while and then… “It’s about Leah, isn’t it?”
“No,” I answered, and then sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Ha
“Should it be this hard, though, Marco?” I asked. “Should it hurt this much?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what the rules are. All I know is that it means something pretty fucking important to feel this way about someone. I’d do anything for my son, Ha
My heart actually hurt in my chest.
“Ha
“If it was up to how I feel when it’s just us and the world is quiet and everything seems so far away,” I told him softly, “we’d be together. I’d put it all behind me and we’d move on. But life isn’t like that. The rest of the world never goes away. Our mistakes are out there and we can’t hide from them. I don’t want to mess you around and it’s not my intention to hurt you” – my voice cracked – “but I just don’t think this is what I want anymore.”