Deceiving Lies

“See you soon.”

I threw my leg over my Harley and tried not to overthink what I could be called in for. I’d gone against the department to find Rachel, and Mason and I had both already had three meetings with Chief and some of the detectives who had worked the case regarding that. Everyone had agreed that we wouldn’t be suspended or punished, but that still didn’t ease the fear of being called in to talk to Chief.

As soon as I was sitting in front of him, the fear left and was replaced by confusion when he placed a journal in an evidence bag on the desk.

“This was recovered from the building where they had been holding your fiancée.”

Rachel’s mention of writing to me floated through my mind, and I gripped the arms of the chair so I wouldn’t grab for it.

“It’s up to you if you tell her that we had to go through every entry in order to gain more information about the situation, but there’s nothing here for us. Nothing more than what she told the detectives when they interviewed her, and most are letters to loved ones about her fears. So I’m handing it over to you. She wrote a lot to you, but you know your fiancée, so it’s your call on whether you think you should read it or not. As well as if you should give it back to her. She might not want to have that reminder.”

Of course I want to fucking read it. “Thank you, Chief. I appreciate it. Was there anything else you needed to speak to me about?”

“One last thing now that we’re alone, Ryan. Completely off the record, and I’ll deny it if you repeat it.”

My lips twitched and I crossed my arms over my chest. Chief’s off-the-record-speeches were usually him venting about someone in the department, or his in-laws coming for a visit. And for the most part, they were fu

“I don’t blame you for what you did. If it had been my wife, or any of my kids, I would have done whatever it took to find them and get them back. The moment you got into the police department, I made the decision to pull you off patrol and put you in the worst situations imaginable by having you as an undercover narcotics officer. The things you and Gates had to go through there, and what you had to do to survive with those people, has made you both the incredible detectives you are today. Unfortunately for me, and some of our other detectives, it made it so that you don’t feel the need to follow the law sometimes. They don’t understand, because they’ve all had to follow the law, but to be honest, we can’t ask for much else after what the both of you did for us over the course of those years. I guess I just want you to know that I think you did what you had to as a man. As one of my officers, I will always stand behind you for what you’ve done for our department, and our city.”

Completely unexpected. Mason and I had gotten off free, but Chief still hadn’t looked happy with either one of us during our previous meetings. I sat there speechless until Chief stood and offered out his hand. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

“All right now, there’s already too much of a bro-mance in this office as it is, I don’t need you getting all mushy on me too. Get your ass out of here and go get some work done.”

“Yes, sir. And thank you for this.” I raised the bagged journal in the air and slipped out the door.

Mason was already at his desk when I got there, and after filling him in, I sat at my own and tried to get some work done. But hours later, even after I’d moved the journal to a drawer so it wouldn’t be there in plain sight to tempt me, it was all I could think about. I looked over at Mason throwing a baseball above his head over and over again and finally opened the drawer.

“Jesus, about damn time. I couldn’t concentrate thinking about that thing.”

Looking up at Mase, I glared at him as he continued to throw the ball up. “You couldn’t concentrate? How do you think I felt?”

“I don’t know, but we really don’t have a reason to go on the streets unless there’s a call for something today. I’m just in here catching up on shit, and since all I can think about is that journal, crack it open and read it to me.”

“Mase, I’m not reading you Rachel’s journal.”

“Well I don’t want to hear her love letters to you. Just read me the rest.”

Like her entries to her parents? Uh, no. “If there’s anything like that, I’ll read it to you.”

I went through the entire journal, and let Mason read over my shoulder through the parts that I thought of as the “captive entries.” Each day she had pages where she wrote to her parents and me, and then pages of everything that had happened during the day. What she ate, what she drank, what she and Trent talked about. Like I said, captive entries.

Over three-quarters of the way through the journal, one of her entries to her parents suddenly stopped, and there was nothing after it. I sat back in my chair and folded my hands behind my head.

“Is there more for me to read?” Mason asked as he scooted his chair over to me.

“No, it’s done. It just cut off.”

We watched as the last quarter of the journal’s pages slowly fluttered over to the other side from the weight of the rest of the pages, and I lurched forward in my chair at the same time Mason harshly whispered, “Shit, is that blood?”

“What the hell?” I sca

“What? What’s on— Oh damn . . .” He trailed off when he saw the top of the page.

I read over the words on the last page and hung my head when Mason eventually took the journal from me so he could read the entire last page too.

“Are you going to show her?”

I rubbed at the back of my neck and looked over at him before shrugging. “I have to. I can’t keep that from her. She would hate me if she found out later.”

He nodded and tossed the closed journal on my desk. “I agree. Shit, I hope this doesn’t hurt the progress you’ve both had though.”

“Me too.” I breathed out heavily. This could change everything. “Me too.”

Rachel

MY EYES KEPT DRIFTING SHUT as Trip and I watched TV on the couch while we waited for Kash to come home. I’d spent almost the entire day outside, writing in my journal, and hadn’t noticed how much time had gone by until I realized it was dark outside. After a shower and quick snack, I’d curled up on the couch and hadn’t moved since.

I knew I needed to start living my life again—having an entire day slip by without realizing it had been proof—but I was so used to doing nothing that it was hard to think of doing something as simple as going out for coffee with Maddie. And, to be honest, a small part of me was terrified to leave the house. It was a ridiculous fear, seeing how I’d been taken from home, but at least here I didn’t feel so vulnerable. Out in the open, anyone could see me. I needed to change that, though. I couldn’t let fears of what had happened dictate the rest of my life, just like I hadn’t let what happened with Blake define me or how I lived in the months after.

The sound of Kash’s Harley echoed in the cul-de-sac, and Trip jumped off the couch to wait by the door for him to come in. I sat up when I heard him unlock the door, and the smile fell from my face when I noticed his careful expression.

“Hey, Rach. You have a good day?”

“I did. Are you okay? Something bad happen at work?”

“No, work was pretty calm. But I do need to talk to you.”

My body instantly tensed up as I waited for what was coming next. We’d been doing so well these last three weeks, so what was wrong now? Did this have to do with why he still refused to actually kiss me? Was I not getting better fast enough for him?

“Stop overthinking, I can see you freaking out already. I got called in to talk to Chief today, and I’m fine. My job is still safe, but he gave me something . . . and I’m about to give it to you.”