Provoke

I stood up and wiped my brow with my forearm. I could really use a friend to talk to. The guys were my buddies, but it wasn't like we sat around and shared secrets. We’d known each other for years, but it was a case of meet up and relax, play a few games of pool, drink a few beers—typical guy stuff. We didn’t do feelings and shit.

I struggled to open up to Leet, let alone Fi

“Just having a few problems,” I muttered.

Fi

“Yeah, thanks man,” I said, smiling awkwardly. The thing was, I couldn’t ask his advice on anything without going into a shitload of detail.

I resumed working on the bike, unsuccessfully trying to keep my mind off Leeta. After busting my third oil filter, Fi

“Dude, maybe you should go home and relax or something.”

“That's the problem. I can't relax.”

“Yeah, well, no offense, but all you’re doing here is breaking shit.”

I threw the spa

Fuck. Maybe I shouldn't be here. I stood up abruptly, sending the milk crate I'd been sitting on flying backwards.

“Fine,” I muttered. “Have it your way. I'm gone.” I ignored Fi

For the next hour or so, I just rode. I was heading nowhere in particular, and it felt good.

Why hadn't I thought of that first?

There was no better way for me to clear my head than on my bike—especially finding an unused back road somewhere, where I could take my helmet off, do a few burnouts, and just let off some steam. This is what I needed. I already felt better.

Parking my bike, I jumped off and sat down on a grassy patch beside it. It was as good a time as any to try and think out my next move. I couldn't think straight around Leeta. Never could. I knew I didn't want her to be any more involved than she already was. If anything happened to her because of me, I’d never forgive myself.

But I also knew how stubborn she could be.

I gripped hold of a few blades of grass between my fingertips, and tugged them from the ground. Lifting my hand above my head, I let the blades fall, watching as they slowly floated towards the ground, not really knowing where they would end up.

That was kind of how I felt—like I was free-falling without a parachute, with no idea how long it was until I hit the ground.

#

I got to my feet and picked up my helmet. I had to get back there. I could put it off facing her for a while, but not forever. The last thing I wanted was to get into another fight. What I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before—which was ridiculous, considering I'd built our whole relationship around lies.

I shook my head. What she’d ever seen in a fuck-knuckle like me, I would never know.

Chapter Ninteen

Mace

“Hello?”

I knocked gently on the door before entering the room. Tim's car was gone, which was good, because I sure as hell couldn't handle him right now. I was on edge enough as it was.

I shut the door and took in the complete silence. I didn't need to check the bedroom or the bathroom. I knew she was gone.

“Fuck,” I cursed. Fuck me and my overreactions. Fuck me for keeping things from her. Fuck me for ruining the only good thing in my life. Fuck everything.

I walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. And fuck this piece of shit motel for not having a minibar. I slammed the door shut and headed for the bedroom. Throwing myself down on the mattress, I buried my face in the pillow. I was wrecked. I hadn't slept in days, and it was starting to show. I was no good to myself at the moment, let alone her. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to fucking sleep.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. Picking up my phone, I found her number. My finger hovered over the call button. But then I hesitated. She wasn’t here for a reason. The least I could do was respect that. Closing my eyes, I pictured her face. Her smile. Everything about this woman I loved. How could I make her see that?

A few hours later I woke up, feeling worse than I had before. My head ached like a jackhammer was pounding through it, and the anger I felt at the world had doubled. Kicking back the covers, I grabbed my stuff and left.

Sitting around here feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to fix anything. If I wanted to change things, then I was going to have to work at it.

Chapter Twenty

Leeta

After he dropped me home, Tim insisted on sticking around for a while. The last thing I wanted was company. I wanted to have a long soak in the bath and spend some time with Marcus who, judging by his full plate of biscuits, had been well cared for while I was away. My heart swelled at the thought that Mace had stopped in here and topped up Marcus's food bowl.

I mean, how cute was that?

Tim finally left, but only after making sure I had eaten a proper meal. His version of a proper meal? Takeout pizza.

I was so damn tired. I hadn't slept properly in days, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I walked into the bathroom and ran the bath, sprinkling some bath salts into the water. I undressed, discarding my clothes on the floor, not bothering to put them in the hamper. Pouring myself a glass of wine, I carried it back into the bathroom.

Stepping into the hot water and lowering myself under was equivalent to experiencing the best sex I’d ever had. That’s how exhausted I was: I’d take a bath over an orgasm. Maybe that was my age showing.

I took a sip of my wine and closed my eyes.

“Leet? Are you here?”

I sat up with a start, sending water and wine splashing everywhere.

What the hell is Mace doing here?

“I'm in the bathroom,” I yelled out.

Seconds later, he appeared in the doorway. “I meant I'd be out in a minute,” I said tersely, trying my best to cover myself.

He cocked his eyebrow, the ghost of a smile on his face.

“It's not like I haven't seen it all before.”

“Yeah? Well, I haven't decided whether you’ll ever get to see it again,” I snapped back.

“Fine,” he said, shaking his head as he walked out of the room. “Do you want a drink?”

“Yes, can you get me a wine, please?”

I stepped out of the bath, grabbing a towel off the rack. I wrapped the soft material of the towel tightly around my body. After drying my hair and my face, I walked out into the living room just as Mace walked towards me, carrying two glasses of wine. I raised my eyebrows.

“What?” he asked. “I drink wine.”

“Isn't there any beer?” I smirked

“That's not the point,” he said, narrowing his eyes. He took a sip and raised his eyebrows.

I chuckled. I set my glass down on the coffee table. “You want to know what Tim had to say before you stormed out?”

He winced. “Look, I'm sorry about that. I just needed to clear my head, you know? That’s why I came over—to say I’m sorry.” He paused for a moment. “And I might have been a little angry you showed him the video.”

“How else was I going to see if he could help us? Besides, it's not like he's seen you naked. He'd have no idea that was you,” I pointed out.

“That’s not the point,” Mace sighed. “How do you think it made me feel having him watch that?”

 “How do you think it makes me feel?” I asked softly.

He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I don’t know what else I can say, Leet. I love you, but you have to be ready to forgive me or nothing I say will make a difference.”

He was right. I did have to be ready. And I wasn’t yet. Would I ever be? I hoped so. I really did.