Love, in English

I stopped on the other side of the island and cleared my throat until they looked at me and Josh.

“What is it, sweetie?” My mother asked.

Oh, she wasn’t going to be calling me sweetie in a minute.

I looked up at Josh. He nodded at me encouragingly.

I felt so sick, like I’d eaten a pile of nerves and they were sitting at the bottom of my stomach, wriggling around.

“I have something I need to tell you,” I said, my voice no louder than a whisper.

Mercy put the cheese down and cocked her head quizzically.

I was afraid to look them in the eyes, so I looked at the island instead. I cleared my throat. “I’ve decided to move to Spain.”

There was silence. I risked it and looked up.

My mother cocked a brow. “Okay. Well, I guess we can discuss this.”

Mercy looked at her, appraising her expression. She sucked on her teeth and said, “Sure, Vera. I could see you were really happy there.”

“You’re going to have to start working more,” my mother said. “And you can’t let it interfere with your studies.”

“I saved up a lot of money in a year,” Mercy said. “It’s hard, but it’s doable.”

“When did you want to go?” my mother asked. “Next fall? I don’t think you could make next summer work. You’ve got Mercy’s wedding and everything.”

“Yeah, my wedding.”

Ooh, boy.

I felt Josh nudge me.

I gulped. “I’m going next week.”

Mercy dropped the cheese grater. It landed with a clatter that echoed through the kitchen.

“What?” my mother hissed.

“You’re joking,” said Mercy, shaking her head. She looked at Josh. “What’s wrong with her? Is this a joke?”

“No,” Josh said. “I had nothing to do with it, but I’m here for support.”

Thanks, Josh, I thought angrily. Well, it was too late now. They were already freaking out. I wondered how long I could keep Mateo a secret, my whole reason for going.

“You aren’t going,” my mother said, putting down the wine glass. “You have school. Jesus, Vera. Use your brain. Sometimes I wonder about you and your flights of fancy.”

“I’m not going to school this year.”

“Like hell you aren’t,” she growled, really starting to get mad.

“I’m taking a year off. Or maybe two. Maybe I’ll go to university in Madrid. I’m sure—”

“Are you on drugs again?” Mercy asked, folding her arms together in a huff, her lip curled up like somehow this was affecting her life in some way.

I glared at her. “No. I’m not on drugs. I’m just going to Spain.”

“Well, you can’t and you aren’t,” my mother said with finality. “Wait till your father hears about this.”

“Right. Why is it that you always call dad when something wrong has happened, but never with something right?”

“Because things never go right with you,” my mother sniped.

Ouch. Okay, don’t cry, don’t cry, I told myself. She had a wicked tongue and I knew this going in.

“Mom,” Josh warned her.

“I’m disappointed in you, Joshua,” she said, her voice taking on that icy competitive realtor tone that she was really, really good at. “You’re actually supporting her decision?”

He gulped but nodded. “Yes. She’s an adult, she can do whatever she wants.”

“No,” Mercy interjected. “She can’t. She’s in school that’s paid for by mom and dad. She barely makes any money at her shit job. She can’t get to Spain even if she started turning tricks.” At that she gave me a pointed look, as if that was a possibility.

“I already have a plane ticket,” I said, and I knew once I said it that the can of worms was going to turn into a bucket of snakes. There were all coming out, unstoppable.

“How the hell did you get a plane ticket?” my mother asked. She shot Mercy a nervous look, as if Mercy had been right.

“It was bought for me.”

“By whom?” she demanded.

“By the man I’m in love with.”

Silence. I could hear the fridge motor kick on. Somewhere outside a dog barked. The blood inside me was pulsing loudly.

My mother looked truly confused. “What man?”

Suddenly Mercy shrieked, “Oh my god!” and put her hands over her mouth.

She figured it out.

“What?” my mom asked again. “What am I missing here?”

“The soccer player!” Mercy yelled. She pointed at me, jabbing her finger in the air. “You’re in love with the soccer player!”

I could see my mother mouth, “Soccer player?” out of the corner of my eye but all my focus was on Mercy as the disgusted look came into her eyes.

“Vera, he’s married!” she yelled. “Oh my god, you were with a married man?”

“What?!” my mother screeched loudly.

“He’s getting a divorce,” I said feebly, as if that would help. It wouldn’t. The damage was done.

“Oh my god, Vera,” my mother said, putting her hand to her head like she was going to faint. Her face had gone pale. “Vera, you stupid idiot. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?”

“I’m not an idiot,” I retorted helplessly.

“You had an affair with a married man!” Mercy was beside herself. She kept shaking her head, flapping her hands. “I can’t even…I can’t.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not like that.”

“Oh, sure it’s not. We all know what you’re like. Can’t shut your legs for one moment, can you?”

“Shut up, Mercy,” Josh sneered.

“Vera,” my mother whispered, holding on to the edge of the island. “Please tell me this is all a joke.”

I shook my head. “It’s not. He’s flying me to Spain. I’m going to live with him. I love him.” She gasped. I continued. “It’s not a joke, it’s just life and it’s happening.”

“You’re such a slut,” Mercy said, practically spitting at me. “After what Dad did to Mom? After the mess you both became? What about me? I’m getting married next year, married, and you’re such a selfish whorish brat that you go and take up with a fucking married man, some Spanish scum, and you think you’re so cool about it?”

I couldn’t breathe. My face turned red, hot, tight. I felt a panic attack coming on, anchoring me in a terrible state of paralysis. I was afraid if I did move, I was going to punch my sister right in her self-righteous face.

“Hey, why don’t we all calm down here,” Josh said commandingly, raising his hands.

“Oh fuck off, Josh,” Mercy said. “You’re getting in the way and this has nothing to do with you.”

I didn’t care anymore if Josh did go. I couldn’t get any more hurt than I already was. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but damn, I didn’t think their words would be so vicious, so hateful.

“Vera Elizabeth Miles,” my mother said, her tone suddenly hard. I eyed her wearily, suddenly afraid again. I did not like that tone, the dead tone of indifference and disappointment.

She breathed in sharply through her nose. “If you leave this house, if you forgo your studies, you will never get a dime from me for tuition. And you will never be allowed back in this house.”

“Mom!” Josh yelled at her. “Are you crazy?”

“Oh shut up, Joshua,” she snapped, eyes flashing. “I expected more from you. Instead, you’re supporting your sister during her most idiotic move ever.”

Okay. Apparently I could get more hurt. My insides twisted around, the pain physical, as if my whole body was under fire. But she couldn’t be serious, could she? She was just overheated, overreacting because of what happened with her and Dad and Jude, right?

I swallowed painfully and stared at her. She stared right back at me. There was no love in her eyes.

“Do you hear me?” she went on, her expression made of ice. “If you walk out that door next week, you aren’t allowed back here. You’ll get no help with school. You’ll be totally on your own. And don’t even think your dad will help you either, because he won’t. You understand? If you’re going to be a damn homewrecker, throwing away your future for a man who can’t keep it in his pants, then you are going to suffer the consequences. These kinds of things do not go unpunished in life. Hope you learn from this, sweetie.”