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Taylor glared at me. “Belly is my oldest friend in the world. Of course it’s my business. I’m warning you, Conrad. Leave her alone. You’re confusing her. Again.”
I started to stand up. “Are we done?”
“No. Sit your ass back down.”
I sat down again.
“Do you have any idea how badly you’ve hurt her, over and over again? You treat her like a toy that you just pick up and play with whenever you feel like it. You’re like a little boy. Someone else took what was yours, and you don’t like that one bit, so you swoop in and shit all over everything just because you can.”
I exhaled. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
She bit her lip. “Belly told me that a part of her will always love you. Are you still trying to tell me you don’t care?”
She said that? “I never said I didn’t care.”
“You’re probably the only one who could stop her from going though with this wedding. But you’d better be damn sure you still want her, because if you don’t, you’re just effing up their lives for no reason.” She put her sunglasses back on. “Don’t eff up my best friend’s life, Conrad. Don’t be a selfish bastard like usual. Be the good guy she says you are. Let her go.”
Be the good guy she says you are.
I thought I could do it, fight for her till the end, not think about anyone else. Just grab her hand and run. But if I did that, wouldn’t I be proving Belly wrong? I wasn’t a good guy. I would be a selfish bastard just like Taylor said. But I would have Belly next to me.
Chapter Fifty
That night, we all had di
My dad, who wore the same white dress shirt with gray stripes for every “fancy” occasion. He was wearing it that night, sitting next to my mother in her navy shirtdress, and my heart just swelled with love every time I looked at the two of them.
And there was Taylor, pretending to be interested as my dad went on about a lobster’s nervous system. Sitting next to Anika, who actually did look interested. Next to Anika was my brother, who was rolling his eyes.
Conrad sat at the far end of the table, with Jere’s friends. I made a conscious effort not to look in his direction, to just keep focused on my plate, on Jeremiah next to me. I didn’t have to bother, because Conrad wasn’t looking at me either. He was talking to the guys, to Steven, to my mother. To everyone but me. This is what you wanted, I reminded myself. You told him to leave you alone. You asked for this.
You can’t have it both ways.
“Are you okay?” Jeremiah whispered.
I lifted my head and smiled at him. “Yeah! Of course.
I’m just full.”
Jeremiah took one of my fries and said, “Save room for dessert.”
I nodded. Then he leaned over and kissed me, and I kissed him back. After, I saw his eyes flicker over to the end of the table, so quick I could have imagined it.
Chapter Fifty-one
Conrad
I felt like I was going out of my mind that night. Sitting there at the table with everyone, cheersing when my dad made a toast, trying not to watch when Jere kissed her in front of all of us.
After di
We sat at the kitchen table with our beers. She clinked my bottle and said, “To … what should we toast to?”
“What else? To the happy couple.”
Without looking at me, Laurel said, “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I said. “Great.”
“Come on. This is your Laura you’re talking to. Tell me. How are you feeling?”
“Honestly?” I swigged my beer. “It’s pretty much killing me.”
Laurel looked back at me, her face tender. “I’m sorry.
I know you love her a lot, kid. This must be really hard on you.”
I could feel my throat starting to close up. I tried to clear it, unsuccessfully. I could feel it coming up in my chest, behind my eyes. I was going to cry in front of her.
It was the way she said it, it was like my mom was right there, knowing without me having to tell her.
Laurel took my hand and clasped it in hers. I tried to pull it away, but she held on tighter. “We’ll get through it tomorrow, I promise. It’ll be you and me, kid.” Squeezing my hand, she said, “God, I miss your mom.”
“Me too.”
“We really need her right now, don’t we?”
I bowed my head and started to cry.
Chapter Fifty-two
I wanted to sleep in Jeremiah’s room that night, but when I started to follow him upstairs, Taylor wagged her finger at me. “Uh-uh. It’s bad luck.”
So I’d gone to my room, and he’d gone to his.
It was too hot. I couldn’t sleep. I’d kick the covers off and flip my pillow over to cool off, but it didn’t help. I kept looking at the alarm clock. One o’clock, two o’clock.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I threw off my sheets and put on my bathing suit. I didn’t turn on any lights, I just found my way downstairs in the darkness.
The moonlight was enough to guide me. Everyone else was asleep.
I made my way outside, down to the pool. I dove in, held my breath for as long as I could. I could already feel my bones start to relax. When I came back up for air, I floated on my back and looked up at the sky. The stars were out. I loved how quiet it was, how still. The only thing I could hear was the ocean lapping against the sand.
Tomorrow I would become Isabel Fisher. It was what I always wanted, my girlhood dream come true a thousand times over. And I’d wrecked it. Or rather, I was about to wreck it. I had to tell the truth. I couldn’t marry Jeremiah tomorrow like this, not with a secret that big between us.
I climbed out of the pool, put the towel around me, and went inside the house, up to Jeremiah’s room. He was asleep, but I shook him awake. “I need to talk to you,” I said.
Water from my hair dripped onto his pillow, onto his face.
Groggily, he said, “Isn’t it bad luck?”
“I don’t care.”
Jeremiah sat up, wiping his cheeks. “What’s up?”
“Let’s talk outside,” I said.
We went down to the porch and sat on a lounge chair.
Without preamble, I said, quietly, “Last night Conrad told me he still has feelings for me.”
I could feel Jeremiah’s body go rigid beside me. I waited for him to speak, and when he didn’t, I went on.
“Of course I told him I didn’t feel the same way. I wanted to tell you sooner, but then I thought it would be a mistake, that I should keep it to myself—”
“I’m going to kill him,” he said, and hearing those words coming out of his mouth shocked me. He stood up.
I tried to pull him back down next to me, but he resisted. I pleaded, “Jere, no. Don’t. Please just sit here and talk to me.”
“Why are you protecting him?”
“I’m—I’m not. I’m not.”
He looked down at me. “Are you marrying me to erase him?”
“No,” I said, and it came out more like a gasp. “No.”
“The thing is, Bells, I don’t believe you,” Jeremiah said, and his voice was strangely flat. “I see the way you look at him. I don’t think you’ve ever looked at me like that.
Not even once.”
I jumped up and grabbed at his hands desperately, but he pulled away. I was breathing hard when I said, “That’s not true, Jere. It’s not true at all. What I feel for him is all memories. That’s it. It has nothing to do with us. All that’s in the past. Can’t we just forget the past and make our own future? Just the two of us?”