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“It’s Andrew.” She smiles, and my heart sinks. “I’ll
just go and make another brew,” she whispers, closing the
door behind her.
Andy. Great. No doubt Rosie’s put him on my case
sigh as put the phone to my ear. “Hi, Andy.”
“Holly, thank God—I didn’t know how to get hold of
you.”
“Look, Andy, you don’t have to worry,” tell him
irritably. “I haven’t said anything, and anyway it’s really
none of your—”
“Holly,” he interrupts. “It’s not about that.”
falter. “It’s not?”
“Holly, the clinic rang—they still have my mobile
number for you.”
freeze. The clinic? So soon?
“You need to call the clinic in Westhampton,” Andy
tells me. “They want to see you. Today.”
“Why?” ask, the phone trembling in my hand. “Is
there problem?”
“No,” Andy says carefully. “Not that know of.”
“Then …” can hardly hear, my heart’s pounding so
loud. “Then what?”
“Holly,” he says gently. “Your results are in.”
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Rosie
As soon as Sarah slows down, spill out of the car
and race up Nana’s driveway, skidding on the gravel as
run to her front door, ringing the doorbell and knocking
madly on the glass.
Please beg. Please tell me it’s not too late!
“Rosie!” Nana’s eyes widen as she opens the door.
Her hands fly to her mouth and stare at her, paralyzed.
Does she know?
“Oh, Rosie!” she cries, engulfing me in hug. “I can’t
believe it! What are you doing here? Holly didn’t say
anything about you coming back so soon!”
freeze. Holly So am too late. close my eyes, limp
in her arms.
“Nana,”
begin. “Oh, Nana, I’m so sorry,
can
explain …”
“Tush!” Nana chides, stroking my hair. “There’s
nothing to explain—it’s lovely surprise.”
“What?” pull back and look at her, confusion and
fear jostling in my head.
“We had
lovely chat, Holly and I—she’s
charming girl, isn’t she?”
stare at her, searching her eyes, tortured.
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“Oh, it’s just so good to have you home!” She grabs
me in another hug and
feel myself relax slowly. She
doesn’t know. Holly didn’t tell her. She was here, but she
didn’t tell her.
“I’m sorry—and you are?” Nana smiles, turning to
Jack.
“Jack Woods,” Jack says, extending his hand. “Holly’s
dad. mean—”
“Oh, how wonderful!” Nana says, “But I’m afraid
you’ve just missed her—Andrew rang and she had to dash
off in taxi.”
Andy? Andy rang Nana’s house? He stopped Holly
telling her?
“Do you know where she went?” Jack asks.
She frowns. “Yes, Westhampton, think she said.”
Westhampton
the genetics clinic!
“Thanks, Nana—I’ll be straight back, okay? We just
have to find Holly.”
“Oh, okay then, dear. Doesn’t she know you’ve come
to see her?” Nana smiles at Jack. “What day of surprises!”
kiss her cheek, then hurry back to Sarah’s waiting
car.
She can say that again.
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Holly
pay the cabdriver and stand for moment, staring
up at the redbrick building, unable to move. Across the
street is playground. How ironic. look away, the sound
of children’s laughter playing like torturous music in my
ears, and just concentrate on breathing— in, out, in out—
watching my breath rise in wisps and float away to
nothing.
I’ve longed for this moment, for the waiting, the
endless waiting to be over. And now it is
finally.
You don’t have to know Charlotte said. You don’t
have to collect your results— lots of people pull out partway through gaze up at the clinic. You have to be ready to live with the result, whatever it is. Positive or negative …
thought was ready. I’ve imagined this moment so
many times—both bad news and good news—I thought
was prepared
But here am. Now. Today. look at the clinic, my
heart hammering madly, all my hopes and dreams and
wishes whirling with my fears and doubts and anxieties,
about to hear the news of my life. Literally.
close my eyes, trying to preserve this moment, to
predict what the outcome will be. For both of us. Our
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future. Or not. Fifty percent Heads or tails. Place your bets now.
take
deep breath and force my legs to move,
slowly, one after the other; force myself to breathe— in,
out, in, out— and suddenly I’m at the door, my breath fogging the glass. My last clinic visit? Or the begi
lifetime membership?
With the last of my strength push inside, the rush
of warm air making me dizzy.
“Holly Woods,” tell the receptionist. “I’m here to
get my results.”
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Rosie
“Come on, come on,” Jack urges as Sarah speeds
through Bramberley, through Maybridge, and on toward
Westhampton, to the clinic.
stare out the window, willing the roads to clear,
the lights to turn green.
We have to get there in time—she can’t go through
this alone, it’s too hard.
“It’ll be okay,” Sarah says quietly, catching Jack’s eye
in the rearview mirror. “Whatever the outcome, promise
it’ll be okay.”
He looks away.
We finally arrive at the clinic, and race into the
waiting room, an awful feeling of déjà vu hitting me like
sledgehammer as scan the patients waiting anxiously on
the hard plastic seats, reading the same magazines
flicked through just weeks ago. feel sick.
“Holly?” Jack cries, bursting through the door.
“She’s not here,” tell him miserably. “She must’ve
already gone in.” All on her own
“Can help you?” the receptionist asks.
“I’m looking for my daughter,” Jack tells her
breathlessly. “Holly Woods. Is she here? Has she gone in
yet?”
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The receptionist glances at me, then back at Jack.
“I’m afraid can’t give you that information, sir,” she says
awkwardly. “Patient confidentiality.”
“Screw patient confidentiality!” Jack bangs his fist
on the counter, sending leaflets scattering to the floor.
“She’s my daughter—my little girl!”
The receptionist backs away, startled. “I’m sorry,
sir.”
“I’m her midwife.”
turn, surprised, as Sarah walks confidently up to
the counter, showing her ID.
“I need to see my patient urgently. Could you tell
her I’m here, please?” She eyeballs the receptionist, who
hesitates.
“Look,” she says slowly. “I’ll let the counselors know
you’re here, all right? Then if Holly’s here, she’ll be told.
Okay?”
Jack hangs his head, exhausted. “Thank you,” he
sighs as she picks up the phone. He glances at Sarah.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” She smiles.
“Take seat,” the receptionist says, and Jack slumps
into
chair.
follow silently. There are no words. No
comfort. Only the wait. Always the wait. The weight.
sigh, my eyes wandering aimlessly around the
room, feeling uncomfortable and restless in this too-
familiar place. This was me. I’ve lived this. This is where
sat while Mum had her tests, got her results, where sat to
get my own. The familiar wallpaper, the saccharine-
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smelling air freshener. But this time it’s worse. This time