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494
Rosie
This is ridiculous.
check my phone for the
hundredth time this weekend. No news is good news,
right? If Nana knew by now, surely she’d have rung me?
Or maybe not
Maybe she’ll never want to speak
to me again
My insides twist as
stare fearfully at the silent
phone.
This is torture! I’ve tried not to think about it, tried to get on with other things, but can’t concentrate, can’t
sleep, can’t live like this—not knowing, fearing, waiting
for the phone to ring, yet dreading it so much—it’s driving
me mad!
take deep breath and pick it up determinedly.
I’m going to do it this time tell myself. I’m going to tell her have to. She has to know.
If she doesn’t already
hesitate, then punch in the last number, steeling
myself as it rings at the other end.
I’m not going to hang up— I’m not going to hang
up— I’m not going to
“Hello—”
“Nana!” cry quickly, before have the chance to
chicken out again. “Nana, I—”
495
“You have reached Laura Fisher’s phone—I’m not
here at the moment. Please leave
message after the
tone.”
Shit! can’t tell her on machine
snap my phone shut and hurl it onto the bed,
pacing the room like trapped animal, tearing at my hair.
This is hopeless! can’t just sit here waiting, wondering,
worrying
My eyes fall on my rucksack.
grab my stuff and start shoving it in.
can at least wait somewhere useful.
496
Holly
The silence is broken by peal of jangling bells, the
sudden noise startling me and sending
flock of
chattering sparrows scattering into the sky like confetti.
group of giggling girls spills out the church doors,
followed by fleet of young mothers with strollers, their
children racing and chasing around the headstones.
More people stream out of the church, flowing
along the path behind me, chatting loudly, their footsteps
noisy on the crunchy gravel. duck my head as they pass,
hurrying away from the crowd, the noise, my eyes glued
to the ground as quickly cross the street.
“Mrs. Fisher! Laura!”
spin around, my heart pounding. scan the crowd
quickly, urgently, my eyes flicking quickly over each
person, afraid I’ll miss her, though don’t even know what
she looks like.
Until see her.
know it’s her. just know. Her white hair is fluffy
cloud around her heart-shaped face, her lilac coat and
skirt flattering on her small frame, her laughter warm and
bright as she turns to gratefully receive her forgotten scarf
from little boy.
497
My nana. stare at her, absorbing every detail. She’s
got my nose, realize suddenly, tingling. Or rather, I’ve got
hers. wander along the street, trying to keep track of her
as she moves, craning my neck to see past the
churchgoers who keep wandering into my way.
Frustrated, cross back over the road, anxious for better
view.
Suddenly, she looks my way, and freeze, my heart
in my mouth.
stare at her, my eyes locked tightly on hers, my
breath caught in my throat.
don’t even see the car skidding to avoid me.
Until suddenly do.
498
Rosie
take
deep breath, hitch my bag onto my
shoulder, and walk into the living room.
Megan’s reading, and Jack’s doing jigsaw with Ben,
so it takes moment for them to notice me. watch them
silently, imprinting the scene on my memory, my heart
heavy.
Finally Jack looks up, taking in my coat, my
backpack. He puts down his jigsaw piece. “I thought your
flight wasn’t for couple of days?”
“It’s not,” admit. “But want to go and wait at the
airport. There might be stand-by seat, and if I’m there …”
“You know, you don’t have to go,” he says quietly.
“I do,” sigh. “I really do. need to be there—to tell
Nana myself.” blink fiercely. “If I’m not too late.”
Jack pulls me to him, strokes my hair, and close my
eyes tight, trying to remember this moment forever, his
warmth and love equally comforting and heartbreaking.
My dad
With great effort, pull myself away, swallow hard.
“Can use your phone to call cab?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll drive you.”
499
“I think I’d rather get cab,” say gently. “It could
take hours to get flight, and—” look away. “I’m no good
at goodbyes.”
Jack swallows hard, rubs his brow, then nods.
And if you’re there think, moving past him toward
the phone, might not ever get on the plane
500
Holly
open my eyes and have no idea where am. blink
couple of times, struggling to focus. People in white
coats drift past, and I’m lying down, my body heavy, with
an odd feeling of having been abducted by aliens.
try to move, and pain spears my temples, stopping
me short. screw my eyes shut, and, in flash, remember
the car.
The baby
Suddenly can’t breathe.
try to sit up, my hands flying to my stomach.
I’ve lost it, know have
“Holly?”
nurse appears next to me, taking my
hand. “Holly—good, you’re awake.”
look at her
desperately and she smiles. “It’s okay, the doctor’s just
going to check you over—can you tell me where it hurts?”
“My baby,” tell her. “Oh, God, my baby …”
“You’re pregnant?” she says, frown flickering over
her face. She smiles again quickly. “Don’t worry, we’ll do
complete check on you and your baby.” She squeezes my
hand. “You’re in the best place now.”
nod weakly, the fear inside me so deep, so real, it
takes my breath away. My baby, my precious baby
it’s
my fault,
didn’t deserve it—I was going to have an
501
abortion
an abortion! Bile floods my mouth and close
my eyes. I’m sorry tell it, too late. I’m so sorry …
“Is there anyone you’d like me to call for you?” the
nurse asks. “To let them know you’re all right?”
shake my head, and she turns to leave. watch her
go, feeling small and helpless.
“Dad,” say suddenly, my voice thin and childlike.
“My daddy.”
502
Rosie
The phone rings just as I’m about to call the cab.
stare at it, startled, then lift the receiver. “Hello?”
“Hello,”
distant voice says. “Hello, can speak to
Mr. Jack Woods?”
“Just minute.” hand the receiver to Jack. “It’s for
you.”
“Hello?” Jack says as sit down again, my backpack
between my knees. Megan hugs me tight as Ben climbs
into my lap.
“We’ll miss you,” she whispers, kissing my head.
“You too.” hug them close. I’ll miss all of them so
much—Megan and little Ben—and especially Jack. look
at him, talking on the phone, and my heart aches. My
dad
But this is something have to do.
Jack hangs up, and move to take the phone, but he
stops me.
“You won’t need cab, Rosie,” he says, rubbing his
face. “I’m coming with you.”
“Jack—”
“To England.”
Megan stares at him. “What?”