Reclaiming the Sand

“You always called me names! You always made me feel bad, Ellie! I wanted you to be my friend. I wanted you to like me!” His voice rose and he had started to cry.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid anything I said or did would only set him off further. I had seen him like this before of course, when we were both much younger.

But then I hadn’t cared about calming him down. I had laughed and teased and tormented. I had milked his freak out for everything it was worth.

Not now. Now I just felt helpless.

I was the worst person to talk him off whatever ledge he was hanging over. I knew these outbursts were just a part of who he was. But they scared me.

“I’m not Freaky Fly

I took a deep breath. I needed to get myself under control.

I closed my eyes while he yelled. Murphy was pacing in circles now, clearly distressed.

I slowly, so as to not upset him further, walked toward Murphy. I made a point to keep a healthy distance from Fly

I kept rubbing the dog, keeping up a steady stream of soothing words. Murphy stopped pacing and settled on the ground, his tail wagging.

“That’s it, calm down,” I said softly. The words were just as much for me as for the dog. I realized Fly

“You’re a good boy,” I crooned to the dog as he nuzzled my hand.

I stayed like that for almost twenty minutes. Petting Murphy and waiting to see what Fly

Finally he came over and knelt down beside me, putting his hand on Murphy’s head.

I watched as Fly

We were quiet for a long time; the only noise was that of Murphy’s panting and thumping tail

“Do you want to sit down?” I asked as I lowered myself onto the ground.

Fly

A few moments later, he put his hand down on my leg. The simple touch almost reduced me to tears.

He had forgiven me. Even if he couldn’t say the words.

I loved this man. So much. But how many times would our destructive history derail the future we were attempting to build? Was it possible for two people who had hurt each other so badly be happy together?

I hoped so. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without Fly

Somehow, someway, we were going to have to find a way to not only forgive each other, but to forgive our past.

If that was even possible.

After Fly

So I had stayed outside with Murphy for almost an hour. When I went inside the house, I found Fly

I slept on the couch that night, just wanting to be close to him even if I didn’t know how.

The next few days were a bit strained but we eventually fell back into our version of normal. I had rescheduled my meeting with the Continuing Education Coordinator for later in the week. Fly

I had decided on applying to two schools. One in West Virginia a little over an hour away. The other was my dream school. It had an amazing English department but it was in Maryland. I had never left the state. The thought was terrifying. But I decided to go for it anyway. I had no hopes of getting in but I could at least say I tried.

I was feeling pretty buoyant by the time I was finished. Cathy, the CE Coordinator had been really nice and given me a bunch of brochures to look at.

I found Fly

I wasn’t exactly quiet when I entered the room but Fly

I came up behind him and looked over his shoulder and frowned at what I was seeing.

He was molding a miniature Mount Rushmore. I recognized the faces of the presidents as he scrapped and carved into the clay.

“What’s that for?” I asked, sitting down beside him on the bench, careful to give him enough space to work.

Fly

“I sell these,” he said, squinting at the piece of art he was making.

“Really. Just the Mount Rushmores?” I asked him.

He shook his head as he put down the tool in his hand and picked up a small, sharp bladed knife. “I like to make pyramids and Big Bens and The Great Wall of China and Machu Picchu. I find them in books then make them. Then I sell them. My mom helped me set it up. I make a lot of money,” he said succinctly.

I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it.

Fly

I stifled my giggles, knowing how he was interpreting it.

“I’m not laughing at you, Fly

“You’re laughing. I don’t like it. Stop it,” he said flatly.

“No, I promise. It’s just that I buy these,” I said, pointing at the Mount Rushmore in his hands.

He finally looked up at me.

“You buy my statues?” he asked, looking back at his tiny creation.

“Yeah. I’ve been buying them for over a year now. I have a lot of them. They’re amazing!” I enthused; a little shocked by yet another strange twist of fate.

The universe had been working overtime in throwing us together.

“And you like them?” he asked shyly, resuming his work.

I watched him as he molded the clay until he was happy with the product.

“I love them, Fly

Fly

He closed the door and walked back to the table.

“I want to go to the beach,” he said without preamble.

What?

“You want to go to the beach?” I asked, not sure where this was coming from.

“After my house burned down, my mom and I moved to North Carolina. She took me to see the ocean. I hated it. I hated the sand. I didn’t like the way it felt between my toes. She tried to get me into the water but it was too loud,” he said.

It was my turn to be confused.

“And you want to go again? It doesn’t sound like a very good experience,” I commented.

“Have you ever seen the ocean?” he asked me.

“No. I’ve never left West Virginia,” I confessed.

“I want to see the ocean with you, Ellie.” He spoke without leaving room for argument.