Reclaiming the Sand

But now, I wanted to look nice. I wanted to look pretty. Because it made me happy to feel good about myself.

Fly

“What is it, Fly

But either way it usually gave me the answers I needed.

“I just want to go with you. I don’t like it when you leave,” he said. Even though his tone was emotionless as ever, it was his eyes that told me everything. And his eyes were unhappy.

I walked across the room and kissed him softly. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair but there were still times when touching him too much was not okay. He would still tense up and pull away and I struggled with an irrational sense of rejection because of it.

While I accepted him and cared about him for who he was, it didn’t change the difficulties that were involved with being with someone like Fly

We were a messed up, complicated pair. But somehow, together, we worked.

“I don’t like leaving you either. How about you meet me at Ma’s Diner at noon. We can get lunch and then you can come with me over to campus for my meeting,” I suggested, pulling back before he was able to.

Fly

This had been an ongoing discussion. Fly

That it would make me happy.

Everything always came back to that. What made me happy. And to Fly

I was terrified to commit to something like that. I didn’t know if I was ready for that significant of a step.

But the longer I stayed in Wellsburg, the harder it was to pretend I was content with where my life was headed.

I was happy with Fly

I would never have been able to dream of it without Fly

My eyes fell to the guitar case propped up against the wall in the corner of Fly

That was what being in a healthy relationship was. Cheering someone on even when their efforts blew huge monkey balls.

And that’s what he was doing now. He’d tell me if I fucked up. But he’d encourage me anyway.

“I have a meeting with the head of the Continued Education Pla

Fly

Professor Cha

And it wasn’t until he calmed down and called Kevin, his therapist in Greensboro, that he was able to say he couldn’t do it. That he hated people staring at him.

“But they think you’re awesome, Fly

But that didn’t stop me from delicately pushing the topic whenever I felt it safe to do so. The conversations hadn’t gone too well but he was encouraging me to take some pretty huge leaps of faith in my life. I felt it only right to return the favor.

“Maybe,” Fly

“What was that? Did I just hear a maybe?” I asked, smiling.

Fly

“Yes. I said maybe,” he replied, turning away from me. I wanted to jump up and down and clap my hands with glee. Well if I was the jumping up and down and clapping my hands sort of person.

“I can live with a maybe,” I said, kissing him again before going back to get ready.

Murphy came padding into the bedroom and nudged my hand with his head. I laughed and scratched behind his ears, feeling happy despite my impending hearing. It was unbelievable how a word like maybe could make me ready to take on anything.

“Not now, boy, I’ve got somewhere to be. Maybe Fly

I finished my hair, opting to tie it back in a low, no nonsense ponytail. Experience had taught me that the judge looked on you more favorably if you were dressed nicely.

I could have cringed when I remembered my behavior the first time I had appeared before a judge when I was sixteen. Julie had brought me a nice pair of pants and a pretty pink blouse but I had refused to wear it.

I had been hurting and angry. I didn’t understand at the time that my guilt had been disguised as rage. I had been belligerent and rude, so it was no wonder the judge had been harsh in doling out my punishment.

It was a good thing I had learned at least one lesson from that horrible situation.

I smoothed down my black trousers, tucking in my sky blue top. It wasn’t a particularly cute outfit. I had picked it up on clearance from JCPe

“You look pretty, Ellie,” Fly

“Thank you, Fly

I picked up my crappy, WalMart special purse and slung it over my shoulder. I crossed the room back to where Fly

“Stop looking like that, baby. You don’t want to go sit in a stuffy courtroom while a judge scolds me like a two year old,” I reasoned.

Fly

“What?”

Fly

Oh.

“Can I touch you?” I asked him.

He nodded.

I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and gently tugged him forward.

“I’m glad you liked it, baby,” I said before kissing the smile off his face.

Fly

Here I was, twenty-two years old, dating a guy I was crazy about, and I was stuck on second base.

I don’t think that had happened since I was thirteen.

“Will you meet me at lunch time? Eat with me?” I asked once we pulled away from each other. Fly