Reclaiming the Sand

There was a collective gasp but no one tried to help him. Dania cackled in delight, covering her mouth with her hands, her eyes bright with malicious glee. Fly

“Stop laughing at me!” he yelled, which only made Dania laugh louder. His face was flushed red and tears dripped down his cheeks.

For a moment I stood there frozen. Once upon a time I would have egged Dania on. Adding to his abject humiliation.

Not this time.

“You heard him, Dania, shut the fuck up.” Without waiting for any more of her hate, I leaned down on my haunches in front of Fly

And he didn’t look away.

“Are you all right?” I asked him, folding my arms over my knees as I regarded him.

Fly

“I’ll clean it up. I’m sorry,” he told Emily, the waitress as he picked up napkins and silverware and placed them back on the table.

And still no one said anything. They stared at him like he was an animal at the zoo and it was pissing me off. I knew what it felt like to be looked at and gossiped about. Our shared role as town outcasts had created an affinity between us long ago and I felt it again now.

I heard the bell above the diner door ring and I glanced out the window to see Dania rushing down the sidewalk. I could tell by her hurried gait that she was fuming. I knew I’d pay for her public mortification later.

I was the one with the attachment diagnosis. It claimed I possessed an inability to empathize with others. Yet it was times like this that I thought perhaps it was Dania who should have been given that particular label. Because she’d never understood how much her words and actions hurt others. She’d never been able to identify how harmful her behavior was.

She was incapable of seeing it.

But I saw it.

“Let me help you,” I said softly, bending over to retrieve the menus scattered across the floor. Slowly the conversations around us resumed, though I still felt everyone’s eyes on us as we cleaned up.

“She’s still mean,” Fly

It was on the tip of my tongue to defend her. It’s what I had always done. It’s what I did despite how often she didn’t deserve it.

But what came out of my mouth wasn’t a vehement defense. It was sad agreement.

“You’re right. She is.”

Fly

“You’re food’s ready,” Emily said from behind the counter, pointing back to the booth where Dania and I had been sitting. I had lost my appetite.

“Can I box it up to go?” I asked. I didn’t want to waste the food. A lifetime of scrimping and scavenging wouldn’t let me waste it. I pulled out my wallet and handed Emily some cash.

“Sure,” Emily said, looking between Fly

“I’ll be with you in a minute,” she told him, eyeing him warily as though waiting for him to flip out again.

Fly

“Hey, Fly

Fly

It was true he wasn’t doing himself any favors but their rudeness pricked my temper.

“Here you go, Ellie,” Emily said, coming back with bags containing the discarded lunches. She turned to Fly

“Did you want to order anything?” she asked him, her lip curling in disgust at his behavior.

“He’s fine. Thanks,” I told her sharply. Her eyes widened and she gave me a nervous smile.

“Okay then. See ya around,” she replied hastily before scampering off to the other side of the diner.

“Fly

Surprisingly the sound of my voice snapped him out of it. He blinked a few times and then looked down at the bag of to-go boxes in my hand.

“I love cheeseburgers,” he said and gave me a small smile before heading toward the door.

I was left following after him, not entirely sure what the hell I was getting myself into.

-Ellie-

Fly

“I’d like to go back to my house now. I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since this morning,” Fly

I guess I had told him he could have the cheeseburger…

I looked around, almost trying to find one last reason to not get into the car.

But watching Dania tear Fly

So I got into the old lady car. The interior was spotless. The leather seats crunched beneath me as I got situated. After he turned on the car, Fly

He sat back in his seat after turning on the air conditioner full blast. In a few minutes my nipples had hardened in the cold.

“Can you turn the a/c down a bit?” I asked, rubbing my arms, trying to get warm.

Fly

“Sure,” he said and turned the knob back a degree. It didn’t do much to make the air more comfortable but it was something, I guess I was forced to cross my arms over my chest to hide my obvious nipplage.

“You haven’t been back to the studio,” Fly

I leaned over to get a look at the speedometer and wasn’t surprised to see he was going the exact speed limit. Not a mile over, not a mile under.

Robert Smith wailed miserably and I wished he would shut up all ready. He wasn’t helping me come up with a believable lie as to why I hadn’t been back to the art studio.

How could I explain my reasons for staying away?

I couldn’t tell him that every time I saw him I hated myself just a little bit more for everything I had done to him. That it was me that had been responsible for losing his house and his life in Wellsburg. That because of my ignorant fears I had hurt the only person I had ever considered a real and true friend.

Could I tell him that the lies of my omission might tear me apart?

Or should I tell him that I was a conflicted mess of emotions? I resented him in a misplaced sense of blame that was still carried over from years of denial. But I also l enjoyed his company. That it was easy to remember a time when I had been almost happy when we were together.