Reclaiming the Sand

“That’s Freaky Fly

“You’re right! It’s that weird dude from high school. Isn’t he the reason you went to juvie? The one whose…” Shane began just as my fist made contact with his gut. Hard.

“Oomph,” Shane groaned.

“Shut the fuck up,” I growled, not needing any reminders of that messed up night all those years ago.

Fly

Fly

He turned his back to us and started walking swiftly down the street.

“Freaky Fly

Fly

“Dude, hang on a second!” Shane yelled.

Fly

“I think we need to teach this fucker some ma

We followed Fly

“Hold on, we just want to talk to you!” Stu said. Fly

Seeing him again, up close, was like being sucker punched in the jaw. It wasn’t pleasant.

He stirred up memories I didn’t have time to think about. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to allow myself the pain and grief a normal person would have felt.

Because you see, I wasn’t normal either.

We were a perfect, messed up pair, Fly

We always had been.

Stu put his hand on Fly

It was like watching a scene from the movie of my life. Only this time Fly

“I’ve got to go. Move,” Fly

Shane laughed, though it was anything but friendly.

“Whatcha been up to Freaky? I never thought you’d come back to Wellsburg. I thought you had up and left after…”

“Shane!” I barked, cutting him off. Fly

“Just wanted to know what he’s been up to. I was trying to be nice,” Shane said, hanging his head like a dog that had been kicked.

Dania watched Fly

“You’ve changed a lot Fly

“Move,” Fly

“No,” Stu said just as dispassionately.

Stu grabbed Fly

He rubbed his hands furiously. His fingers working up and down over his skin.

I used to enjoy watching Freaky Fly

Even when I had gotten to know him and realized there was more to him than the label we had given him, it didn’t stop me. I hated the joy his pain gave me. But it was a power I couldn’t have anywhere else.

A power I was desperate to have.

But that had been a long time ago. And I was suddenly tired of these high school games. Teasing the poor Aspie kid didn’t hold the thrill it used to.

“Give him his keys, Stu,” I demanded. Dania narrowed her eyes as she looked at me, her hand rubbing her belly absently.

“He can get ‘em if he wants ‘em,” Stu responded shortly.

I walked over and bent down to pick up the keys. When I stood up I held them out, letting them dangle from my fingers. Fly

He didn’t say anything. And of course he never looked at me.

I had expected nothing less.

“Come on,” I barked. Shane looked confused, Dania looked irritated, and Stu looked downright murderous.

I hadn’t mocked or teased. I hadn’t belittled or bullied.

And I hadn’t been sucked in by his quiet, vulnerable demeanor that resurrected twinges of emotion I hadn’t felt in years.

I turned my back.

I walked away.

I guess there was a first time for everything.

-Ellie-

This felt wrong. I didn’t belong here in my cheap flip-flops held together by Scotch tape and carrying the same backpack that I had in high school.

I stood in the parking lot arguing with myself. One minute I was convinced that this was stupid and I should go home. The next minute I was cha

I looked at my watch. I only had five minutes to find my class. It would be so easy to let those five minutes tick by and forget all about my crazy, delusional fantasies of becoming Super Ellie, College Student.

“You look lost.”

I startled and gripped the strap of my book bag tightly against my shoulder.

“Excuse me?” I said shortly.

A girl with fly away brown hair and the worst sunburn I had ever seen pointed toward campus.

“You goin’ that way?” she asked, pulling out a cellphone and tapping at the keys.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” I admitted.

“First day?” she asked.

Was it that obvious that I had no clue what I was doing? I drew myself upright; straightening my spine as I always did when going into a situation I was unsure of. Be it a raging house party where a police bust seemed imminent. Or walking into the break yard my first day at Spadardo’s Juvenile Center, just knowing I’d get my ass jumped before the day was out.

So walking onto the too-pretty-to-be-in-Wellsburg college campus should be a piece of cake. Only I wasn’t feeling so sure of that. And I knew it was better to put out a confidence that I didn’t feel. It established a precedent. It showed people you couldn’t be messed with. That you were strong.

Even if you were being deafened by the voice in your head screaming in terror.

But I had a lot of practice at ignoring that voice. And I struggled to do that now as I faced an experience that left me quaking in my tattered flip-flops.

“I can find my way,” I responded, not wanting or needing her help. I had to face this alone, or not at all.