Animate Me

Smiling, I kick off my shoes and strip down to my boxers and T-shirt before crawling in to hold my girl.

While she sleeps I hold her tightly, rubbing light circles down her back and pulling my fingers through her hair. For the most part she sleeps peacefully, but every once in a while her body tenses and her expression looks troubled. It pains me to know that for all I’ve suffered this week, I’m so much better now, yet Brook is still suffering. I fear it will take a long time for her to forgive herself for her part in our drama.

• • •

About an hour later when she stirs, I take it as an opportunity to wake her up. If I don’t, she’ll never sleep tonight. “Brooke,” I whisper, brushing her cheek with my fingertips. “Wake up, sleepy head.”

She blinks slowly three times until she realizes where she is. The most beautiful smile lights up her face. “I fell asleep,” she says with a yawn and a stretch.

“You needed it. You were exhausted,” I acknowledge.

“I haven’t really slept all week. That felt so great. Did you sleep too?”

“No, I just watched you. I couldn’t have anyway…I’ve never been more awake.”

She smiles. “Are you hungry? I’m starving.”

I pull the menus off the nightstand. She eagerly scans them before I order enough Thai food to feed a small army.

We have a picnic right on the bed eating straight out of the cartons. In between bites of Pad Thai noodles she surprises me.

“I guess I should go home after this. I need to start figuring out my plan.”

“It’s Friday night, Brooke. You can figure out your plan on Monday. Why don’t you stay with me this weekend?”

“You want me to?” Her lips curl into a sweet smile. “You’re right, we need time to just be together doing nothing,” she admits.

“Yeah, just be together. What was the first part of your plan, anyway?”

“Well I need to buy some office supply kind of stuff, get my office set up at home and reach out to some of my contacts. I also have to send a formal letter to all of my Sketch Republic peers about leaving the company to pursue other interests.”

I wince for a moment, feeling bad for her. I’m sure that’s going to be a hard letter to send. “I’ll tell you what, let’s go to the office supply place tomorrow ‘cause I need to get stuff too. Then we can get you set up so you can hit the ground ru

“You’d do that with me?”

“Of course. If you’re nice, I’ll even share my wireless with you.”

She grins, leans over, and kisses me. “Everything’s going to be all right, isn’t it?”

“Yes. We’ll make sure of it.”

That’s how it goes…I push, she pulls back and then we meet half way.

• • •

The next day, we’re at Staples, the office superstore, considering the selection of Post-it notes when she surprises me again.

“I started seeing a therapist,” she offhandedly mentions as she throws the three-inch, six-pack in the cart.

“You did?” I stutter. “Where’d you find a therapist?”

“Erika recommended her. Her name is Judy and she’s really great.”

“I don’t know much about that stuff. Do you just sit around and talk?”

We push our cart down to the file folders section while she thinks about my question.

“Well yes, but she directs it, kind of leads me into the stuff I need to work on. You know, issues with my parents that led to my behavior now, that kind of stuff.”

“Do you talk about me?”

“Well, I’ve only seen her twice, but yeah. I talked about you a lot.”

“What did she say?”

“That you sounded like an amazing and supportive partner.”

I grin. “I like her.”

“She’s going to help me get over what happened, Nathan. I want to be the best partner I can be for you.”

I don’t know if it’s what she’s said, or the fact that we’ve agreed to share a shopping cart and all that implies, or that I’m a little worked up to see Brooke in yoga pants again, but I grab her and kiss her in the middle of the paper aisle. It’s one of those long, endless kisses where the world falls away and she’s all that exists. The stock boy, who’s trying to get to the neon colored card stock for a customer, has to clear his throat to interrupt us since we’re blocking him. Brooke giggles; we scoot over, and continue on.

Later that afternoon we’re on my bed again, this time with our laptops and other work related stuff. I’m doing research on the internet for a B-Girl story idea while Brooke goes through her emails looking for a show treatment that she’d been sent a while back. Her phone, which is dangling from the edge of her overturned purse, suddenly starts vibrating. It buzzes through three complete cycles, yet she doesn’t respond.

I look up at her. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”

She looks over at me and shrugs.

“The voicemail box must be full. That’s why it keeps ringing,” I explain. “You should at least empty it.”

“But what if I’m not ready to hear the messages?” she asks, looking uncomfortable.

“Well then don’t listen, I guess.” I think about the desperate call I left her. It must be there with all the rest of her calls. “But you’re going to have to do something by Monday if you’re going to start making business calls. People are going to have to be able to call you and leave a message.”

She lets out a long sigh. “I know you’re right, I’m just kind of scared of what the messages say.”

“Do you want me to listen to them for you? I can be your screener.”

She smiles softly. “No, I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, this could be a step forward for me.”

“Yes, it will be a step forward,” I agree.

She studies me carefully. “Will you stay with me, though? In case I need moral support?”

“Of course.”

She lies back on the pillow and taps the keys to access her voicemail. I take her free hand in mine, and although I can’t hear the messages, I lay back as well, so I can watch her reactions.

As she listens to the first message she rolls her eyes. “My mom,” she informs me shaking her head.

“One down…five thousand, three hundred and forty-nine to go,” she teases.

The next few seem inconsequential. Then her expression gets dark. “Arnauld,” she shares.

My hand tightens over hers. She takes a deep breath. “What?” I ask.

“Nothing really. He’s just demanding that I come back immediately. This was Monday right after the meeting. He’s so angry.”

I nod and watch her expression. Her thumb hits the delete button without hesitation. It’s a whole other matter with the next call. She watches me with wide eyes as she listens. When a tear slides down her cheek, she closes her eyes and rolls on her side away from me.

“What, Brooke?” I ask as I move toward her. I notice that she’s dropped the phone on the bedspread as she curls into herself. I gently push down on her shoulder until she rolls back toward me.

“I can’t believe you left that message and I never heard it,” she says, her voice sorrowful. “You thought I didn’t love you anymore. It’s so heartbreaking.”

“I was really freaked out,” I admit. “I couldn’t understand why you hadn’t contacted me.”

“I hurt you so much, Nathan.”

“Yeah. I’d kind of lost it that day when I didn’t hear from you. As each day passed there were points I got really angry, and other times incredibly hurt. The worst part was just not knowing.”

“You needed me, and I wasn’t there. I wish I’d been strong enough to stay…to be by your side,” she says with regret.

“Me too,” I respond honestly. “What matters now is that you’re here. That counts, and you’ve promised to work it out and stick by my side no matter what we have to face moving forward.”

“But I’ll always feel like it wasn’t enough. I should’ve been there for you.”

“You did the best you could. For God’s sake, the whole week you were trying to help me.” I ease off the bed and set my laptop on the dresser, then take hers and do the same. Her phone joins them. When I crawl back on the bed I pull her in my arms.