Animate Me

I pick up the cases and follow her to the kitchen, enjoying the sublime yoga pants view. I don’t know when I’ve ever been happier.

Tonight she’s feeding me Middle Eastern food: beef and chicken shawarma, tabouleh, fattoush salad and hummus with pita bread. Although delicious, I note that this stuff is loaded with garlic. Is this an evil plot to avoid kissing me? I’m onto her strategy but I have my own. As we finish I pull out a stick of mint gum and offer her one too.

“So I’m meeting with Sharper Edge again next Friday about my comic book. Actually it’s lunch with the publisher,” I tell her while she takes a sip of beer.

Her eyes get big. “So this is serious,” she says, gri

I start to peel the label off my beer bottle while I think about it. “Well, I want the big time, but at what price? I’ve done a lot of research and I don’t want to give up the rights to my characters.”

She looks at me and shakes her head. “You know it’s almost impossible to hold onto your rights. They will demand ownership unless there’s a very compelling reason that they want your particular property.”

“Well, then I may have to walk away,” I say firmly.

“And you’re willing to do that?” She asks studying me carefully.

“You bet.”

Her face lights up and she lifts her bottle to clink with mine. “Here’s to artistic integrity.”

“Here, here,” I agree, and we take long sips with our lips curled up. If I do what the studio wants, there are all kinds of possibilities for money and prestige. So the fact that she wants what is best for me as an artist, no matter what the cost, makes me love her even more.

Later in her home office, I show her the rough layout for the website. She leans over my shoulder, and the sweet smell of pears surrounds me. Normally if she were this close to me, she would rest her hand on my upper back, or brush her fingers against my arm, but I’m painfully aware that she isn’t touching me. She’s remaining true to her word.

“Oh, that looks so good,” she moans. “Where’d you find that font?”

“Ge

“Well, thank her for me.”

I turn towards her and smile, her face close enough to kiss. She swiftly pulls back and sits down on the edge of the bed. I ache at the distance between us. I want to kiss her so much.

She looks at me, then out the window. What’s she thinking?

“Another beer?” she looks distracted.

“Sure.” I nod.

When she returns from the kitchen and hands it to me, she’s watching me intently. At times like these I worry that she can look straight into my heart and see that I’m hopelessly in love with her. And if she did learn that, I fear I would no longer be welcome here, no longer be part of her life. So I bite my tongue, and turn back towards her computer screen.

She finally speaks. “Nathan?”

“Uh huh,” I reply while I wait for another image to import.

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

I turn towards her and tip my head, trying to figure out what she’s really trying to say.

“What I mean is that I’m really glad that we’re still friends,” she says quietly.

She still likes me. Maybe I still have a chance. I grin at her and she grins back in response.

“Me too, Brooke.”

Several beers later, and done with our work, we’re sprawled out on opposite ends of her couch.

“When are you going to let me see your comic book? I’m waiting for you to want me to read it.”

Damn. How do I explain to her that my main character looks like her? It never seemed like an issue when I admired her from afar, but now…

“Well, um…” I stutter. Damn. I can feel my face turning red.

“I just hope you know that the longer you make me wait, the higher my expectations are going to be,” she teases, waving her beer bottle at me.

Despite the tension, the beer buzz gives me courage. “Hey, have you ever told a white lie to get something you really wanted?”

“A white lie?” she asks, her expression unreadable.

“Uh, huh.”

She makes a face. “I hate all lies—white, black or whatever…always have. Besides if you have to lie to get something, you shouldn’t have it in the first place.”

I feel all the blood drain from my head, and I’m fairly certain my heart has stopped beating.

“Why?” She asks.

Good job, stupid. Okay…I’m completely screwed. She’s going to hate me. And just like that I lose my courage.

“Sometimes I just have trouble saying what I really feel,” I stutter.

“I know it can be hard, Nathan. But you always have to try. I know, why don’t you tell me how it’s been seeing me tonight after all of our ups and downs this week?”

I look over at her and she seems a million miles away perched on the far arm of the couch. I can’t talk about the big lie now, but I can address the immediate issue. I look down at my shoes and my fingers curl over my knees. “It’s been great seeing you, Brooke, but can we talk about the touching thing?”

“Okay, if you really want to.” I notice her fingers tighten over the beer bottle. “But, I’m hands free from now on, I promise.”

I swallow hard and push my hair out of my eyes. “But that’s my point; I don’t want you to be.”

She looks at me confused. “But I thought that’s why you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore?”

“My problem wasn’t because you’ve touched me. Believe me. I was just so humiliated to have you learn the most embarrassing thing about me. Only a complete loser would still be this inexperienced at my age. And because of that I felt like I couldn’t face you again.”

I close my eyes, folding my arms tightly over my chest. “But the last two days have been hell. Not facing you meant sacrificing your friendship, and that’s far worse than you knowing what a total loser I am.”

She crawls down to my side of the couch, pulls my arms apart and curls up under my shoulder. It feels so good to have her close to me. I guess the touching embargo is over. I take a deep breath and pull her closer.

“You’re not a total loser, Nathan.” She takes my beer out of my hand and takes a swig, then hands it back. “I think you’re great.”

I smile at her and her compliment encourages me to ask for more. “Besides,” I continue, “you know the worst about me now, and you still want to be friends. If you don’t care that I’m inept, than neither will I. If you want to help me, well then, I welcome it.”

“Really?”

“I want you to help me, and teach me. The times you kissed and touched me made me feel so…amazing.”

“Oh, Nathan.” She smiles sweetly at me. “Promise me though, that you’ll tell me when I make you uncomfortable.”

“Like you drinking from my beer without asking?”

She elbows me softly.

“Just kidding, I liked your lips on my beer bottle. And as for sharing, from now on I’m really going to try to be an open book.”

“Okay, me too then,” she agrees.

Later at her door she wraps her arms around me.

“Are we okay?” she asks.

I nod, incredibly happy that things are good with us now.

“Am I your best friend again?” She teases.

“I would say so,” I confirm. “Although I’ve never kissed my best friend. So I guess that makes you an extra-special best friend.”

“Good, I like the way that sounds.”

I look down at my feet. “Brooke, does Arnold mind that we’re best friends?”

“He set these open relationship rules, didn’t he? He can’t complain about them now,” she answers cryptically.

“You know, if you were mine, I wouldn’t share you with anyone,” I say softly.

“Really?” She smiles widely. “That’s so sweet, Nathan.”

She thinks I’m just trying to be nice, but it’s true. It’s another in a long list of reasons why I’m better for her than Arnold.

I’m almost to the gate when I turn around.