More Than Her

And I wanted him.

I fucking wanted him.

More than ever.

I don't know how much time passed, before he pulled back, just enough to speak, "Did he make you feel like this?" he said, moving his fingers inside me.

"Oh God," I moaned out.

"Did he?" he asked again, a little louder.

"Not even close, Logan." I curl my arm around his neck and brought him back down to my mouth.

I was on the freaking edge, and he must've known because he started pumping his finger faster into me, his palm rubbed on my clit at the same time. It seemed like a well-practiced move, but before I could think about how or why, he pulled back from the kiss and replaced his mouth and tongue with his thumb. He watched me intently as I slowly licked it and sucked it into my mouth. His eyes rolled back along with his head while he groaned out the sexiest fucking sound I'd ever heard.

Then he pulled his hand away from my mouth and moved it under my shirt, where his now wet thumb rubbed against my nipple again.

And then he stopped.

Time stood still.

My breathing got even heavier.

Then he looked intently into my eyes, his face carrying an emotion I couldn't decipher.

"Amanda." He whispered, shaking his head.

And then it was silent.

For so long I don't know if this was as far as we were going to go.

And I watched him. I watched his eyes roam my face. Those green eyes I remember so well. For months after that night, I could close my eyes and see them. The way they lit up when he made me laugh, or the intensity in them when he listened to me speak.

I swallowed down my emotions.

When I opened my eyes, his face was so close to mine. And I was no longer confused by what he was thinking, or what he was feeling, because I felt it too.

Only he felt the guilt, the regret. And I could see it in his eyes; how sorry he was for all of it.

And this—this is the moment I forgave him.

"Logan." I held his face in my hands. "No one makes me feel the way you do." It was the truth.

Instantly his mouth was on mine, his fingers moved, his thumb rubbed.

It started at my toes—that tingle feeling—then moved its way up to the pit of my stomach, and I think I must have blacked-out from the pleasure of it, because all I could remember is his name leaving my lips over and over and over.

Once the buzz had faded, I finally managed to open my eyes, and he was there, inches from my face. A smile on his lips. Only he was blurry. I blinked a few times to correct my vision.

"Hey, pretty girl," he said quietly, the same time he removed his fingers. "Welcome back."

TWENTY ONE

Logan

I quietly opened her bedroom door to let her know that I'd be back. I didn't want her to think I'd forgotten our plans to spend the day together.

I shook her gently, but she didn't wake. I shook her a little harder. "What the hell?" she said, her words muffled by the pillow.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be back later."

"Logan?"

"No, the other guy you let finger fuck you."

She gasped and sat up straight, a look of shock on her face.

I chuckled.

She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. Her shoulders slumped as she said, "What time is it?" She reached to her nightstand for her phone, "Five-thirty? Five fucking thirty! Who the hell gets up at this time?"

"College athletes," I said, sitting on her bed and rubbing my palm across my jaw.

"Fuck practice, come back to bed." She rested her chin on my shoulder, while her arms went around me from behind.

"I can't." I started to pull her arms off me, because if she asked again, I don't think I could say no.

Instead of letting go, she tightened her hold and wrapped both legs around my waist. I laughed, "What are you doing?"

She made a grunting sound as she pulled as both back until we were lying on the bed. She got out from underneath me and moved so we were side to side. She panted; exhausted from the energy it just took to do what she did. Her face was flush and hair was a mess on her head. I laughed at how cute she looked. She smiled too, looking right in my eyes. And then something took over her face, a completely different emotion. Her smile slowly faded. One of her fingers brushed my cheek. "I love it when you smile," she said quietly. "I love when your dimples show." She kissed one, and then adjusted my head to kiss the other. And then she pulled back, her eyes never leaving mine.

And this—this is the moment that I forget my past. I forget that not everyone that loves you is out to hurt you. It's this moment—when I let it be okay for someone to love me. Because Amanda and I—we could. I don't think we do yet. But we could. One day—soon I think—we could really fall in love, with each other.

I got my phone out of my pocket, and brought up Jake's number. "What are you doing?" she asked, watching me.

"Sending Jake a text."

"Why?"

"To tell him to make up a reason why I'm sleeping in your bed instead of being at practice."

She made a squealing sound as she got back under the covers, making room for me. She wore a huge smile. I took my pants and shirt off and got into bed with her.

"Are you going to be able to get back to sleep?" she asked from next to me.

I put my arm behind her head and pulled her into me. Her head was on my chest, my fingers in her hair, and her body half on top of mine. "Now I will," I told her, kissing her on the head.

***

A few hours later we were in the living room, sprawled out on the sofa. We wanted to have a day to just be together, without really doing anything. I pla

The keyword was try.

I was sitting down, with the laptop on the arm of the sofa, doing some homework.

She was laying down with her head on my lap, while she read on her e-reader. My fingers played with her hair.

We both looked up when Ethan walked in. He watched us for a moment, before sitting on the arm of the recliner opposite. "Hey, Dimmy, what's that girl's name, you know the one that's friends with Kara? The one with the big..." he trailed off but motioned his hands to indicate boobs.

Amanda snorted, "Kara," she answered, going back to her book.

"No. Not Kara," he said a

"Yes, asshole, Kara's friend with the big boobs is Kara. There's two Kara's"

"Oohhhh," he smiled, then got up and began to leave.

"Wait. Why?" She sat up now and turned to him.

"I'm picking her up later."

"What?" It was my turn to speak. "What happened to Kellie I E?"

"Don't even," he said, shaking his head.

"What happened?" I couldn't help but chuckle.

He sat back down in the recliner, "Dude. She was so a

I could hear Amanda giggling next to me. "What?" she managed to get out.