Страница 6 из 61
I’d killed my relationship with Ally. And now yeah, maybe she’d be going to a good school, but where the hell would I be going? Nowhere. If Chloe did want to keep the baby, I’d be going exactly nowhere. Not Fordham, where my parents wanted me to go, not Rutgers, where the lacrosse team was calling my name, not to any of the zillions of schools constantly sending e-mails and catalogs and letters. The dream of getting out of here, away from my family, being free to do whatever the hell I wanted? It would all be over. Just like that.
In his room next door, my brother, Jonah, laughed, talking on the phone with one of his friends. For the first time in my life I wished I was him. Nothing to worry about except whether or not he was go
I slung my arm over my eyes in the dark, blocking out the colors from the video that reflected on the ceiling. Squeezing my eyes shut as hard as I could, I went back to that night. That night with Chloe. That night that going over there had seemed like such a bad idea, but I’d gone anyway.
Why had I gone? Why, why, why?
Because of Will. Because I’d seen Will leaving there and I was jealous. But why? I didn’t like Chloe. Not the way I liked Ally. Why did I give a crap that Will had been over there in the middle of the night?
I bit down on my tongue because I knew the answer and it sucked. I’d been jealous because I’d thought Chloe wanted me, and I’d liked it. Because when we’d driven home from the movies earlier, she’d looked so hot and seemed so willing that I’d actually thought about kissing her. And it pissed me off that I was wrong. That apparently she had a thing for Will and not me. So I’d gone over there…. I’d gone over there to prove that I was hotter than Will Halloran. To prove that she actually did want me.
I was going to be a fucking father because I couldn’t deal with the fact that a girl could like someone else more than she liked me.
I flung my arm out, punching the floor so hard I saw stars. My teeth ground into my lip as I bit back tears. There was no way I was going to cry. I was not going to cry over the fact that I was an ego-crazed asshole with no self-control. I would not I would not I would not.
I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes and saw myself rushing down the stairs and out the front door that night.
“Don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it,” I whispered in the dark.
I saw myself cross the street and creep through the rose garden.
“Don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t.”
I saw my hands on the trellis, felt the thorns brush my arms, heard the new floorboards of Chloe’s deck creak under my feet.
“No no no no no.”
But as hard as I pressed, as tightly as I clenched, as long as I held my breath, I couldn’t stop what happened next. I couldn’t take it back. Within thirty seconds I was kissing her and within three minutes we were on the bed and within ten minutes it was over.
And now I was completely and utterly screwed. For life.
september
I can’t believe Ally and Jake didn’t show up at the party last night.
Maybe they think they’re too good for us.
Or maybe they had something cooler to do.
Probably. Now that Ally’s a Crestie again, those two are go
Unless they were off somewhere breaking up. Maybe he doesn’t want to be tied down by one girl this year.
You think? You think Jake Graydon is single again?
A girl can dream.
ally
The first day of school was all blue skies, bright sunshine, and balmy breezes, like Mother Nature was mocking us for having to sit inside all day. But I was so nervous as my mother and I walked up the steps toward the junior-senior entrance of Orchard Hill High that I barely noticed the weather. My vision homed in on all the important players like I was sizing up a battle scene.
Chloe was chatting with Faith Kirkpatrick on one of the stone benches outside the door, Chloe in brown linen shorts and a white top, Faith sporting her requisite minidress. God, I could barely even look at Chloe. She’d had sex with Jake. She’d seen my boyfriend naked. Or, at least partially naked. How naked had they actually gotten? Had it been short and fumbly and awkward or lingering and breathless and—
“Ally, don’t forget we’re tasting cakes after school today.”
I blinked at my mom, trying to replace the image of sweaty skin with pink-icing roses.
“Right. Okay.”
My attention immediately returned to Chloe. If she was upset, she was doing a fab job at hiding it, flipping her hair, waving to friends, shrieking over some text Faith showed her. A group of football players stood nearby in maroon and white jerseys, and one of them, Will Halloran, kept angling toward Chloe like he was trying to hear what she was saying. Sha
I paused a couple of steps from the top. My mom looked back at me. Her dark brown hair was up in a loose bun and she was wearing a colorful plaid pencil skirt and blue button-down shirt. I saw Co
“Everything okay, hon?” she asked.
My eyes flicked to where the guys were standing. Jake hadn’t noticed us yet.
“Yeah. I guess I just feel a little old to be walking into school with my mommy.”
She smiled and tilted her head. “So I guess no kiss for luck, then?”
I smirked. My mom had never been one for humiliating public displays of affection.
“Not this year,” I joked back.
“Shucks. And I even wore my new red lipstick for the occasion.”
“Hilarious Mom. Hilarious,” I said.
“Have a good day, Ally,” she replied with a wry smile. Then she turned and walked inside, pretending she didn’t notice Co
With a deep breath I approached Jake. I could feel the junior girls watching me. I wondered how many people knew Jake and I were together. I wondered if they cared. Then Jake turned and saw me, and nothing those people knew or thought or believed mattered.
He was completely beautiful and I was in love with him and he was mine. Whatever happened over the summer was in the past. Right now, this minute, he was mine.
I walked right up to him, slipped my arms around his neck, and gave him a long, firm kiss, pressing away the images of his body against Chloe’s. Every inch of me relaxed and I felt like we were the only two people there. Everyone else faded into gray. That was when I knew for sure that I had made the right decision—that I was doing the right thing.
Jake broke away first. By that time, his friends were catcalling and laughing. Over his shoulder I saw Hammond roll his eyes and storm inside. I forced myself not to check for Chloe’s reaction.
“What are you … I mean, are you … okay?” Jake whispered to me.
“Dude! Can you do that again?” Trevor Stein crowed. His brown hair was spiky, like he’d just stuck his finger in an electrical socket, and he wore a bright surfer tee over shorts. He tugged his phone out of one of the pockets and pointed it at us. “I want to get it on video.”