This Is So Not Happening

I was never having sex. I decided right then and there. Fit me for a chastity belt, stat.

“Can you … I need a tissue….” Chloe said, catching her breath.

She was reaching toward her side table but couldn’t quite grasp the box. I jumped up, grabbed it, and handed it to her. She blew her nose spectacularly and let her hands drop again.

“I’m sorry. Crying is, like, my number one pastime lately,” she said, attempting a sad smile.

“I think you have the world’s greatest excuse,” I replied.

She toyed with the crumpled-up tissue and sniffled loudly. “Do you hate me?”

“No,” I said truthfully. “I don’t hate you.”

“Does Jake hate me?”

She looked up through her lashes hopefully. I took a steadying breath.

“Honestly? I don’t know. He hasn’t answered my texts or calls since last night. I was thinking about going over there next, but—”

“Well, if you see him, just tell him I’m so sorry, okay? I didn’t mean for it to go this far,” Chloe said.

I looked down at the floor and nodded. For some reason I suddenly didn’t want to go over to Jake’s. All I wanted to do was go back to Gray’s, curl up in a ball, and not uncurl till morning.

“Okay,” I said.

There was a knock on her door and it opened a crack. Will Halloran stuck his head in, blinking in the darkness.

“Hey,” he said, looking between the two of us warily. “Can I come in?”

“Um, sure.” Chloe suddenly sat up straight, swiped under her eyes with her fingertips, and brushed the crumbs off her shirt. I handed her another tissue and made a wiping motion at my nose. She blew again and gave me a grateful look. Gross as it was, I swiped her snotty tissues and shoved them in the pocket of my peacoat, which I’d never taken off.

“Hey, Ally,” Will said as he awkwardly stepped toward me. He had a box of Entenma

“Hi,” she replied.

“I guess I should go,” I said. As I turned around I saw Damon’s chest glistening on the screen. I grabbed the remote and hit the power button, then opened one of the curtains a bit so Will and Chloe could see each other. “I’ll see you guys at school.”

“Hey, Ally?” Chloe said.

I paused with my hand on the doorknob.

“Thanks,” she said. “For being so cool.”

I blushed, embarrassed. I felt anything but cool. I felt like an immature jerk who really needed to stop being so self-involved. But Will and Chloe were looking into each other’s eyes now and this was clearly not the time to bare my soul.

“You’re welcome,” I said.

But I don’t think either one of them heard me. They had already started whispering to each other when I closed the door.

jake

Monday morning I faked a stomachache. Then I stayed in bed until noon. Around two thirty I went over to my dad’s home office, which had the only window that looked out at Chloe’s front door. I could see her driveway from my room, but once a car got behind the hedge, nada. And I wanted to make sure I saw Chloe come home. I had to make sure I didn’t miss her.

So I sat there in his ergonomic chair and waited. And waited. I squeezed on his stress-ball thing. And waited. I crumpled about a hundred pieces of paper and launched them at his trash can. And waited. Then it was three thirty and it was clear Chloe hadn’t gone to school either. Or if she had, she wasn’t coming back at a normal time.

“Fuckin A,” I said under my breath. I ran downstairs, grabbed my ski jacket on the way out, and sprinted across to Chloe’s. Instead of climbing to her room this time, I just walked in the front door. The place was deserted and quiet like a graveyard. I went up to her bedroom. She wasn’t there. I went back down to the media room. She wasn’t there. I finally found her in the library, lying on a couch, reading. She almost had a heart attack when I walked in.

“Jake!” She sat up straight. “Hi!”

She looked good. Neat. Happy. Her hair was in a ponytail and she had on a tight white T-shirt and a loose gray sweater. The sight of her looking so relaxed and happy made me want to slam that heavy book on her fingers.

“What the fuck, Chloe?” I said, striding around the couch. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

She went white, which was at least a little satisfying, and pushed herself up straight. Or as straight as she could get in her condition.

“Did Ally not talk to you?”

I blinked. “What? No. I haven’t been up for talking.”

And what would Ally say to me that would make Chloe look better, anyway? Ally was on my side.

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “I’m really sorry, Jake,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know what else to say, but I’m—”

“You don’t know what else to say?” I shouted, hovering over her. “Do you even realize what you did to me? Ally and I almost broke up over this! I tanked the first semester! I tanked the frickin’ SAT! I might not get into college now, and for what? Because you felt like fucking with my head.”

Chloe struggled her way up from the couch. Her stomach sort of hovered between us like a planet. I used to think it was kind of mesmerizing, but now the sight of it made me want to hurl.

“I didn’t do this to mess with you,” she said. “I was confused, okay? I didn’t know what to do.”

“Well, here’s a newsflash, Chloe,” I spat back. “Next time you want to slut it up with more than one guy and get yourself knocked up, make sure you saddle the right one with all the crap.”

I never even saw the slap coming. She wailed me across the face so hard my dry bottom lip split.

“Fuck you,” I said, my cheek on fire.

“Right back at you,” she replied, shaking.

I turned around and stormed out of the house, slamming the heavy door behind me as hard as I could. My fingers clenched into fists as I booked it down the driveway, the frigid air stinging my face where she’d slapped me.

I couldn’t believe she’d slapped me. She had ruined my life and she thinks I deserve a smack? How self-centered and completely insane could one bitch be? I couldn’t believe I had ever thought Chloe Appleby was cool. Clearly she was pure, unadulterated evil.

I came around the bend in my driveway and slowed down. Ally was sitting on the front step. She scrambled to her feet when she saw me.

“Hey! No one answered the door so—” She paused and narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you all right?”

I touched my fingertips to my lip and they came back bloody.

“No, okay? I’m not all right,” I said, striding toward her.

“What happened?” she asked, her breath making steam clouds in the air. “Your face is red.” Then her eyes widened. “Did you just get in a fight?”

“What?” I scoffed, pausing next to her. “No.”

She went to touch my cheek, but I flinched away.

“Well, good,” she said, shoving her hands under her arms. “Because Hammond already pounded on Will after school today, so—”

“Yeah?” I said, imagining Will Halloran’s smug face purple and swollen and gross. “Good for him.”

Maybe Hammond wasn’t such a dick after all.

“Good for him?” Ally said, her face screwing up. “What did Will do?”

“Will exists, okay?” I shot back, even though it sounded completely stupid. “Will is the reason I’m in this mess.”

“No. He’s not,” Ally said. “At least, he’s not the only reason.”

Great. Now she was going to get on my case about how if I’d never had sex with Chloe in the first place, none of this ever would have happened. Which was true, of course. Which was why I’d been saying it to myself over and over and over again all weekend. All month. All frickin’ year. I didn’t need her rubbing my face in it like a holier-than-thou priss right now.

“I have to go,” I said, shoving past her.

I opened the door and went inside.

“Jake—”

“I’ll call you later,” I lied.

Then I closed the door on her half-pissed, half-disappointed face.