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I couldn’t help it. Then I followed Chloe’s mother out to the car. Her dad was in the front seat. Dr. Nathanson was in the back with Chloe. I got in next to her and she fell sideways into me, resting her head on my lap.
“Do you think the baby’s okay?” I asked Ally’s almost-stepfather.
“It wasn’t that bad of a fall,” he said, his face stiff. I was sure he was judging me. Realizing his fiancée’s daughter was going out with someone else’s baby daddy. “But we won’t know anything for sure until we get her to the hospital.”
The hospital. My throat felt dry and coarse. Please just let the baby be okay. Please just let the baby be okay. Chloe was crying, but totally silent. I had no idea what to do with my hands. Then I noticed her hair was over her face, so I brushed it back behind her ear. It took a few swipes, but she stopped crying. So I just kept doing that, all the way to the emergency room.
ally
The garage door scrolled open in front of us. My mother and I sat there in silence. Just like we had the entire drive from the city. My mother put the car in park and I held my breath.
Here we go.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.
“As if you haven’t figured it out already,” I replied acerbically, toying with the strap on my black evening bag.
She shifted in her seat, angling her back against the door and her knees toward me.
“Why don’t you try me?” she asked. “Because I’m hoping that what I’m imagining is actually worse than the truth. That’s often the case with parents, fyi. Our imaginations are hugely overactive.”
I scoffed and shook my head. My eyes stung like they’d been branded. The moment I’d been dreading for so long was finally here, but I somehow couldn’t believe it was happening. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to talk to my mother about this. I decided for the Band-Aid approach. Quick and painless. Well, quick, anyway.
“Okay, here it is. Over the summer when Jake and I were broken up, he and Chloe had sex. Apparently they made a baby. So now, here we are.”
My mother stared. “How long have you known about this?”
“Since the night before school started,” I said, then braced myself.
“That long? Ally!” My mother dropped her hand into her lap and raised her eyes to the heavens. “How could you have kept this a secret?”
“It’s not like it was easy, okay?” I said, my voice breaking as I turned my palms to the sky, my hands in my lap. “But it wasn’t my secret to tell! Chloe’s parents didn’t even know about it.” My mother had this incredulous look on her face. Like our relationship should have trumped everything else. I looked down at my lap again. “Besides, you’ve kind of had other things on your mind.”
“Oh, don’t do that. Don’t act as if the wedding prevented you from confiding in me,” she snapped, a
I gazed out the windshield, frozen. She was right, of course. She’d asked and I’d lied. But I just didn’t feel like talking about this right now. This wasn’t my fault. None of it was. And all I cared about right then was finding out where Jake was. And, maybe a little bit, finding out if Chloe was okay. I couldn’t believe the way she’d just gone down. I’d never seen anything so scary in my life. For the first time in a long time, I remembered that she wasn’t just a villain. She was someone who needed taking care of.
I just wished, for the millionth time, that it wasn’t my boyfriend taking care of her.
“I’m sorry, okay? I am. I wish I’d told you, believe me. But now you know,” I said with a shrug. “Can we just go inside and see if Gray is back yet?”
“I need to ask you something,” she said.
I sighed, my shoulders slumping. So much for this conversation being over.
“Okay.”
“Have you … I mean, you haven’t … slept with Jake, have you?”
I never knew my body could get that hot that fast. “What? Mom! No! What do you think he’s doing? Ru
“I’m sorry!” she said, raising her hands. “It’s just when you find out your daughter’s boyfriend has been sexually active, you start to wonder if—”
“Oh, God, Mom!” I groaned, gagging. “Please never say that again?”
“What? Sexually active? Well, it’s pretty clear he is, kiddo!” she replied indignantly.
“Okay, okay!” I was so uncomfortable I could have clawed my way out of the car. “Look, I’m not an idiot. I’m not Chloe.”
My fingers clenched into fists. I just wanted to end this awful night.
“I know you’re not, Ally. I know.” She reached over and patted my hand. She blew out a sigh, and I imagined it was pure relief. Until she said: “But we’re clear on everything, right? Condoms can prevent diseases, but they don’t always prevent pregnancy—”
I scoffed, my face prickling. “Yeah. Apparently not.”
She paused. “They used a condom?”
“I cannot believe I’m talking about this with you,” I said, looking out the side window.
“But they—”
“Yes, okay!? They used a condom. Jake’s not an idiot either.”
Just kind of a slut.
Suddenly I wanted to punch someone. Maybe myself. Maybe Jake. I wasn’t sure.
“Okay, well, that’s good. That’s … good to know. So are you okay?” she asked, tilting her head. “I can’t imagine it’s easy, the guy you love having a baby with someone else.”
A tear unexpectedly plopped onto my lap. I felt more coming and bit them back. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice full. “But, Mom? Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m tired. I just want to go inside and go to bed.”
She pressed her lips together and I could tell there were ten million more things she wanted to say, ten million more questions to ask. I was grateful beyond imagination when she faced forward, put the car in gear, and nodded.
“Sure, hon.” She sighed again and pulled the car into the garage. “Whatever you say.”
ally
Everyone was watching me. At least that’s how it felt. Two hundred people, a dozen scantily clad cheerleaders, and a huge, face-melting bonfire, and they were watching me. I stood on the baseball field with A
“Oh, man. I forgot my flask! Did you guys bring a flask?” A
I glanced in the direction she was looking and, sure enough, saw three members of the JV football team passing around a leather bottle. They couldn’t have looked more suspicious if they tried, their eyes darting around, their feet so close their toes were touching.
“Nope. Forgot the pot, too,” David said, sniffing the air, his hands jammed into the pockets of his varsity soccer jacket. “How does anyone get away with this stuff when there are cops and firemen everywhere?”
“Because half the cops went to our school and don’t give a crap,” Marshall said, wrapping his arms around Celia from behind. He had to bend down to rest his chin atop her curly brown hair. “Jason Krantz will probably confiscate all of it and have a party in his parents’ pool house.”
Celia laughed as the officer in question, who didn’t look a day over eighteen even though he’d graduated three years ago, strolled by with his shoulders rolled back, his head swiveling from side to side like he was auditioning for a new Terminator movie.