He's So Not Worth It

On the way home, with the top down, I felt very alert. For the first time, I noticed how hard the stick shift felt in my grip. How the air felt twenty degrees cooler when I was zipping through it. How the wind tugged at my hair, making my scalp tingle, even though it was cut short. As I turned up Chloe’s driveway, she took out a tube of something and touched up her lips.That was when I knew for sure, she wanted me to kiss her. And now, I was all kinds of alert.I’d kissed dozens of girls. Maybe hundreds. Seriously. That was what I used to do. It was, like, my number one pastime. Before Ally. On weekends, I’d always hook up, usually with more than one girl. Before Ally.Since Ally, I hadn’t kissed anyone. Was it a good idea to start with her former best friend who’d just broken up with my best friend?Probably not.I stopped the car. Stared out the windshield. Chloe didn’t move.“You didn’t have to drive up my driveway. It’s about a thirty-second walk from your house.”“I know.”I glanced over. My eyes went to her bare knee. Bad move.“Well . . . thanks,” Chloe said. “I had fun.”“Me too.”My hand clasped the stick shift and the wheel. I refused to move them.“Okay, well. I should probably go,” I said.She didn’t say anything for a minute. “Yeah. Me too.”Then she got out of the car and it was over. Except for my . . . alertness.She walked in front of my headlights and her dress was so sheer I could practically see through it. Or possibly that was my imagination. She did that twiddling thing with her fingers, then jogged to the door. Her skirt bounced behind her.I blew out a breath. I hadn’t inhaled in, like, five minutes. Then I backed out of the driveway so fast I’m lucky I didn’t take out the stone planters. I was in my driveway, up the stairs, and in my room with the door closed before Chloe had probably closed the front door.I needed to do something. Jog or swim or kick a soccer ball. Something. My eyes fell on my books. I was supposed to take another practice test tomorrow. I pulled out my chair, sat down, and opened the math study guide. My brain was completely clear.I was about to have the most intense study session of my life.

I woke up sitting up straight in my bed. It wasn’t until I heard the tires squealing that I realized I’d been startled awake. I jumped out of bed and was at the window in half a second—just in time to see Will Halloran flying out of Chloe’s driveway and down Vista View in his father’s truck. His brake lights illuminated for a split second at the bottom of the hill, then the engine roared, and he was gone.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lights in Chloe’s bedroom window go out. I looked at the digital clock on my iDock. It was 2:16 a.m.What. The fuck?I snagged a T-shirt off my desk chair and pulled it on. The first sneaker slipped on no problem, but I was still hopping with my toes jammed into the other and my finger hooked around the back of it, when I made my way out the door of my room. I rushed downstairs on my tiptoes and out into the warm night air.This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea.But I didn’t stop. I jogged across the street, fueled by pure adrenaline. My eyes were still foggy, since I’d been asleep two minutes ago, but the rest of me was completely awake. I slowed to a fast walk up Chloe’s driveway. As I rounded the bend, the security lights over the front door flashed on. I lifted my hand to shield my eyes and tripped sideways into the bushes.Ow.I looked up at Chloe’s new deck thing, which overlooked Mrs. Appleby’s English Garden she was always ragging on about. There was a trellis up the side.This is a bad idea. A bad idea.Crouching, I crept across the stone patio. I tried the trellis, giving it a couple of tugs. It held. It took a little grunting and groaning and a couple of splinters, but then I was up. And banging on the glass door.This is a bad idea. A very bad idea.Chloe shoved the curtain aside and her jaw dropped. She opened the door so fast it blew her hair back. She was wearing the tiniest nightgown I’d ever seen outside the Internet. And she’d been crying.“Jake! What the hell are you doing? My parents are home!” she whispered.“What the fuck, Chloe? I just saw Will Halloran peeling out of here like he was being chased.” I walked into her room. It was as neat as a catalog. Every little pink and purple thing in its place. Except for the bed. The bed was a wreck. My stomach clenched. “Are you fooling around with that guy?”She exhaled a laugh. “Not anymore.”I blinked. What the hell did that mean?“Why do you even care, Jake?” She walked over to her bathroom and lifted a robe down from a hook. She went to put it on, but then stopped. Instead, she hooked it over her arms and walked toward me. “You’re not . . . I mean, you’re not jealous, are you?”My chest was heaving up and down, and not from the run. I couldn’t answer her. Because I realized, just like that, that I was.Which made no sense. Because I liked Ally. I was in love with Ally.But shit, I really wanted to kiss Chloe.And Ally was out there kissing loser surf posers. Telling me I wasn’t good enough for her, not answering my texts. So why the hell was I even hesitating?Chloe dropped the robe on the floor. That nightgown showed almost everything, and she knew it. She reached for my hand. I let her take it.This is a bad idea. A really, really, really bad idea.But when she stood on her toes to kiss me, I let her do that, too.

I woke up on the couch with Hammond’s arm looped around my waist. The second I saw how close his hand was to my breast, I flinched, and the back of my head exploded in pain.“Ow! Ally! What the fuck?”I sat up, holding the back of my skull as Hammond brought his hands to his forehead.“I’m so sorry,” I said.He squinted sideways at me. His face was all blotchy red. “It’s okay.”“I just—”“It’s okay,” he repeated.Hammond sat up too, scooching back on the couch so that he was a few inches behind me. I was about to get up, when I felt his hand on my neck. He ran his fingers down from my shoulder, across my bra strap, and to the small of my back. My hands dropped heavily at my sides as my skin tingled.“Hammond,” I said. “Don’t.”He scooted forward. His arm was around my waist, the back of my shoulder pressed into the front of his. He put his chin on my shoulder. His morning breath was surprisingly sweet. I didn’t move.“Don’t what?”His lips met mine and I instantly pulled away. I jumped off the couch and stood in the middle of the living room.“We can’t do this,” I said.“Why not?”“Because.” I grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor and went over to the kitchen. I was shaking from head to toe, unable to believe I had almost just let that happen. I turned the sink on full blast and turned my back to him.“What’s wrong?” he said, getting up. “I like you, you like me, Chloe’s apparently with Jake. So what’s wrong if we—”“I don’t,” I said to the sink.“Don’t what?” he blurted.“I don’t like you.” I pressed the heels of my hands into the edge of the counter, my fingers rigid. “Not like that.”There was a long pause. “Come on. You just . . . I mean, we just—”I turned around to face him. He looked bereft for a guy of his size. Lost. Suddenly, I wondered . . . was Faith right? Had he really liked me that much back then? Did he still?“Hammond, I’m sorry. I really am,” I said. “But I can’t just hook up with you because I’m pissed at Jake.”Hammond’s face turned bright red. I had a feeling I’d just said the wrong thing. Big time.“I’m outta here.” He grabbed his wallet and Gray’s keys off the table and made for the door.“You’re taking Gray’s car?” I blurted.He paused at the door and blew out an angry sigh. “I’ll be back to pick you up at twelve.”“I’ll be here!” I shouted.But he was already out the door, and all I got in return was a slam.