Secrets and Lies

“Don’t dis the reindeer!”

“Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

We all headed toward Jess’s bedroom. Like everything she owned, it was glittery and pink. Every inch of it.

“I’m glad some things do change, though,” B said, settling onto the edge of Jess’s bed. “I so do not miss high school. Last year was a mess. Well, for me. You two were pretty much saints. Like always.”

“That’s… not exactly true,” I said.

The last semester of senior year had been a little rough. B had been sneaking around with Wesley and lying to Jess and me about it. Then there had been some stuff with her parents and she kept ditching us and it was just a lot of drama there for a while. Luckily, we managed to patch things up.

“Please. What have you two ever done wrong?” she asked, laughing like it was just inconceivable. “It’s pretty a

“Stop it!” Jess said, nudging her.

“Yeah… I mean, I was pretty horrible to you during that fight last year,” I said. Her landslide of praise was making me feel seriously guilty.

“But then when I needed you, you were there,” B said. “You were pissed, but you were there. That’s pretty saintlike, Casey. I’m a pretty lucky girl to have you—both of you—as friends.”

I was about to tell her—I really was—but before I could get the words out, Jess cut me off.

“Aww, thanks, Bianca. You know I love cheesy bonding moments,” she admitted, “but, seriously, sentimental Bianca is creeping me out.”

“Ugh,” B said. “Okay, you’re right. Fuck this, fuck that, and fuck everything in between. Is that better? More like me?”

“Much.” Jess got to her feet. “Now what movie are we watching?”

“Something with James McAvoy?” B guessed.

“Oh no. I mean, he’s great, but I’ve moved on. I’m a Ryan Gosling girl now.”

“Jessica, I swear to God, if you make me watch The Notebook, I’m going to murder you in your sleep. No fucking way.”

I didn’t say much for the rest of the night. B thought I was so perfect, and yet somehow, I couldn’t spit it out that I was sort of dating Toby Tucker. I wasn’t nearly the best friend she made me out to be.

Usually Girls’ Night made us all feel closer.

But this time, I felt further from my best friend than I ever had.

Chapter Four

“Okay, so, question,” I said. Toby and I were on our way home from a date one night, and I’d noticed he was wearing the same blazer he’d worn to the French film on our first “accidental” date. “Whatever happened to the blazer from the party? The one the hacky-sack idiots spilled beer on? I never see you wear it anymore.”

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m just curious.”

“Um, well… it’s ruined.”

“What?”

“The blow-dryer kind of locked in the beer stink. And shrunk it.”

“OMG.” I buried my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry! Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you stop me?”

“It wasn’t that nice of a blazer,” he said. “I was willing to let you ruin it that night just so I could keep hanging out with you.”

“You’re ridiculously sweet,” I said. “But I really am sorry. I’ll get you a new one.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Although, that reminds me. I have a question for you, too. But it might be a little awkward.”

“I’m intrigued.”

He stared straight out the windshield, not taking his eyes off the road. “I know this—us—is new. Really new. I don’t even know if you think of us as serious or just a fling, but—Well, I’m not asking about that, but—”

I almost laughed. “What exactly are you asking, then?”

“Are we exchanging Christmas gifts?”

“Oh.” I twirled a lock of my hair around my finger. “Well, I hadn’t thought about it. And I don’t want you to feel obligated or anything.”

“I don’t feel obligated,” he insisted. “Okay, maybe I should rephrase. I found something I want to get you for Christmas. But I wasn’t sure how that would make you feel. I don’t want you to feel obligated or uncomfortable, I just—”

“I like presents,” I said.

“What?”

“I know it sounds materialistic and shallow,” I admitted. “But I love presents. I will never turn one down. I even accept all the frilly, pink, sparkly things Jess gives me. That’s how much I like presents.”

Toby laughed.

“And I might get you something, too,” I said, gri

“Well, if you’re feeling generous,” he said, the corners of his mouth tilting upward, “I am in need of a new blazer.”

“No,” I said. “No, you’re not.”

“You don’t like the blazers?”

“I don’t like anything that covers up your arms,” I said. “Don’t think I didn’t notice them. You started working out, didn’t you, Harvard Boy?”

He blushed. Deep red. “Occasionally.”

“Well, I like it. The blazers just get in my way.”

He pulled into a gas station on the edge of Hamilton. “I’ll be back in a second,” he said. “Just have to fill the tank. Do you need anything?”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

“Okay. I’ll BRB, as you’d say.”

“Shut up!” I laughed.

“You mean STFU?”

“Get out!” I shoved his shoulder playfully and he climbed out of the car, chuckling. I leaned back in my seat and stared out the window, a smile still on my lips. It seemed like I was always smiling around him.

I almost didn’t see the Porsche pull into the gas station. But when I did, a wave of panic smashed into me. That car could only belong to one person in this town—Wesley. Bianca’s Wesley. I let out a little yelp and dove beneath the edge of the window, my long body scrunched down as low as it could possibly go. Stupidly, I found myself holding my breath. As if Wesley might hear me breathing from across the parking lot.

I stayed in that cramped position until the driver’s side door opened. “So, I know you said you didn’t want anything, but—”

“Shh!” I hissed. “Is he gone?”

“Who? Casey, what are you doing down there?” Toby asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Shh,” I said again. “Is Wesley inside? His car pulled in a second ago. Did he go inside yet?”

“Umm.” Toby looked over his shoulder. “He… just walked in.”

“Good.” I eased back up. “Hurry and get in before he walks back out here.”

Toby got into the car and shut the door. He’d started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot before he asked, “Why, exactly, were you hiding from Wesley Rush?”

“Because I didn’t want him to see me in your car,” I said.

“So… us going out is still a secret?”

“I just haven’t told Bianca yet,” I said.

“Have you told anyone yet?”

“No.”

“Right.” He sighed.

“Because they might tell B,” I insisted. “My mom knows, though. That’s something.”

“Is there… is there more of a reason you haven’t told Bianca yet?” Toby asked. He seemed nervous.

“What do you mean?”

“You said it was just because I’m her ex,” he said. “But Bianca and I barely dated. And we ended as friends. I just don’t think she’d have that much of a problem with it.”

“It’s against Girl Code,” I told him.

“So you’re never going to tell her?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“It’s just…” He paused, focusing hard on the road. Harder than he needed to, even. “It’s just that… I like you.”

“I like you, too.”

“And I don’t see how we can keep doing this—dating—if your best friend doesn’t even know about it.”

He was right. I knew he was.

“I’ll tell her,” I said. “I’ll… I’ll call her tonight and tell her.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

He parked in front of my house and glanced over at me. The smile was back. “Thank you,” he said. “I just don’t want this to be a secret. Even if it’s just for winter break, it means something to me. And I don’t want to hide that.”

I looked down, blushing. “You say some of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard a boy say,” I told him. “It’s almost like you’re a robot programmed to make a girl smile.”