Shut Out

“Chloe, do you like him?” I asked.

“Who? Shane?” She shrugged. “As a friend. I’m not in love with him or anything, but… It’s kind of like, we both know what we want. Neither of us wants a relationship, and we’re both cool with that. I like that he doesn’t make me feel like a tramp just because I don’t want to have his babies one day.”

I laughed. “Fair enough.”

Chloe didn’t have all the answers, either. I knew that now. But she had known something all along that I hadn’t: that being ashamed of what you want or how you feel is pointless, and letting anyone else make you feel ashamed is a waste. We all wanted different things, and that was okay. Chloe wanted sex without commitment. Mary wanted to wait until she was ready. And I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I didn’t want to make any decisions until I knew. And I was proud of that.

“Everyone’s here,” Cash said, coming over to stand next to me. “Are you ready?”

“Very.”

I looked at Chloe, who nodded and whistled loudly, catching everyone’s attention. “Listen up!” she called. “The less you talk, the sooner we can get this over with and you can all go home and do whatever it is you plan on doing—and I’m sure most of you have some interesting plans.” She gri

I could see several girls rolling their eyes, even in the steadily lowering light of the sun.

“All right,” I said, taking over from Chloe. “So, as you know, the girls all took an oath when the strike started. We figured the only way to really finish this was if the boys did the same oath, ending the rivalry. Does, um, anyone have something you all can take the oath on?”

“I do,” Adam said. He was carrying a backpack, I noticed, and he swung it to the ground. “Just a second.” He dug through the bag’s contents for a minute before producing a magazine. He held it up, and once again the guys cheered while the girls groaned.

“Sports Illustrated?” I said to Adam. “Really?”

“Hey,” he said. “Ellen told me you guys took a vow on Cosmo, and that’s about sex. So it’s only right that we swear on Sports Illustrated, since this is a sports rivalry.”

“But was the swimsuit edition really necessary?” Ellen asked him.

“Yes,” he said firmly. “Yes, it was.”

Chloe burst out laughing.

“Fine,” I said, walking over and taking the magazine from Adam. “This will work, I guess. Okay, everyone stand in a circle, please. This will just make it easier.”

They moved obediently, and I felt like the ringleader of a circus.

“All right. So here’s how it’s going to work. I’m going to say the oath and then pass the magazine to one of you guys. All you have to do is say, ‘I do,’ and then pass it on to the next person until it makes it all the way around the circle. Sound good?”

A few of the boys nodded. Others just shrugged. Cash gave me a reassuring smile.

“Adam,” I said, walking over to him. “It’s your magazine, so why don’t you go first?”

“Gladly.”

“Okay.” I cleared my throat, suddenly wishing I’d actually written down an oath for the boys to make instead of just winging it at the last moment. But I was trying to be more spontaneous, learning to let go a little. This was a baby step. “Um… all right. Do you hereby swear that the ten-year rivalry between the football and soccer teams of Hamilton High will end here and now, that you will, uh, no longer participate in the hazing, pranks, or fights associated with the rivalry, and that you will, at the very least, be civil to the members of the other team so that this rivalry dies once and for all?”

Adam took the magazine from me and laid his hand right over the model’s chest. “I do,” he said, gri

Then he passed the magazine on.

I watched as each boy agreed to the oath—many of them smiling at their girlfriends and not even glancing at the nearly naked swimsuit model on the cover of the magazine. I could feel Randy’s eyes on me when his turn came, but I wouldn’t look in his direction.

“I do,” he said.

And it continued.

“I do.”

“I do.”

“I, uh, do.”

Cash was the last person in the circle to get the magazine. He gri

“And I’ll keep this,” Adam said, tucking the magazine back into his bag. He straightened up and turned to Ellen. Then, without warning, he took her into his arms, lifted her off the ground, and spun her around.

The sound of her laugh was like music.

One by one, the girls went back to their boyfriends. Some threw themselves into the boys’ arms and started making out right away—kind of gross—while others walked over more slowly, clearly needing to say something that was on their minds.

Like maybe they’d thought about their relationships, about sex.

Like maybe this whole thing had changed them as much as it had changed me.

“Lissa.”

I glanced to my left and jumped when I realized that Randy was standing right next to me, a goofy grin plastered across his face. A few weeks ago I thought that grin was cute. Now, after all that had happened, it felt empty.

“What do you want?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

“I want to talk,” he said.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

I started to turn away, but he caught me by the arm. “Lissa, wait. Please.”

“Dude,” I heard Shane say from a few yards away. “Randy, leave her alone. You fucked this up already.”

“Shut up, Shane,” Randy barked over his shoulder. Then he looked at me again, his puppy face coming out. “I miss you,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I acted the way I did. But it’s over now. The rivalry and the strike. You got what you wanted, so… When can we go back to normal? To being us?”

I just stared at him, stu

At the end of the summer, it had been enough.

But it wasn’t anymore.

“Never,” I told him. “We’re never going to go back to being normal, Randy. Because you are the same person you were two months ago. I’m not. I’m not the same girl who let you make me feel guilty for not doing the things you wanted me to do. I’m done with that, and I’m done with you.” I pulled my arm free of his and, feeling a little evil, smiled up at him. “And I am so, so happy I never had sex with you.”

Randy flinched, looking wounded, but not wounded enough to satisfy me completely.

“Can’t we go somewhere?” he whispered. “Can’t we talk about this? Lissa, I love you. You owe it to me to give us a shot.”

“I owe you absolutely nothing.”

“Lissa, please—”

“Hey.”

Randy turned to look over his shoulder as someone came near us. My heart began to race when I realized it was Cash. For a second, I was worried that he’d misinterpret the situation, that he’d see me and Randy talking and think I’d changed my mind, think we were getting back together again.

“Do you mind?” Randy asked. “I’m trying to have a conversation here.”

“Yeah,” Cash said. “I do mind.”

I felt a jolt of joy as Cash brushed past Randy and stopped by me. He reached out a hand, and I took it. Then, right there in front of Randy, Cash pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

Not a sloppy, groping, make-out kiss—the kind no one wants to see in public. It wasn’t like that. But it was a warm, passionate, sweet kiss that, despite lasting only a few seconds, left me breathless.

“Ready to get out of here?” Cash asked, slowly pulling his mouth away from mine but still keeping me wrapped in his arms.

I just nodded, and he smiled.

“Excuse us,” Cash said, bumping past a shocked-looking Randy and holding my hand as he led me down the hill toward the back road where his car was located.