Shut Out

I stared out the window, refusing to look at Ellen. I was more than pissed. I was hurt. Angry. Betrayed. I thought these girls were on my side. They’d been on my side from the start and now, suddenly, they were against me. Talking about me when I wasn’t around. Trying to think of ways to overthrow me.

Ellen must have guessed what I was thinking because she quickly added, “We love you, Lissa. It’s not like we’re mad. But think about this, okay? The strike is tearing apart the guys and the girls. It’s becoming its own rivalry. Even you talk about ‘wi

Yes, I thought, but I didn’t respond. I was pushing down all the hurt and anger, falling back into my safe place, the one where I was Little Miss Ice Queen.

“If we let this keep going, it’ll turn into another long-lasting rivalry, and no one will know where or why it started,” Ellen continued. “I know you don’t want that. I know because I know you.” She took a breath and let it out slowly. “The end of Lysistrata?”

“What?” I asked coldly. “What about it?”

“The end. The women won, but how? Do you remember?”

“Lysistrata talked to the guy representing the men,” I said. “He agreed on their behalf to end the war. You’ve read it?”

Ellen shrugged. “My mom teaches Greek studies at the community college in Oak Hill. I’ve learned a lot.” She turned onto my street and continued talking. “But think about what you just said. She talked to the leader of the guy’s side. Have you thought… Have you tried seriously talking to Cash?”

“Yes—No…. It’s complicated, okay?”

“I know.” She sighed. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry things are weird between you two, but you can’t let your relationship with Cash run this strike. You need to talk to him so that this can end. So that we can all move on.”

I didn’t reply. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew she was right.

Ellen’s car stopped in my driveway, and we sat listening to the engine idle for a moment before either of us broke the silence.

“Just promise me you’ll think about it,” she said. “Please. Know that I’ll be on your side, no matter what. I’ll stand by your decision, but… but you owe me this.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “I owe it to all the girls. They’ve stuck by me—all of them—through a lot. Through Randy…” I swallowed hard, unable to keep the emotions back the way I wanted. “I’ll talk to Cash. Not sure what I’ll say, but I’ll talk to him.”

I wasn’t looking at her, but I felt Ellen’s hand slide over the console and squeeze mine. “Thank you,” she said. “And remember what I said the other day, okay? If he doesn’t see how special you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m going to get going. I just need to think about all of this. I’ll call you tonight or something, okay?”

“Okay.” She let go of my hand as I slid out of the car.

I paused before slamming the car door shut and poked my head inside for a second. “Hey, Ellen?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks… for putting up with me.”

She beamed at me. “No problem,” she said. “I’m happy to put up with you, even when you’re at your craziest. That won’t change.”

I didn’t deserve her, I realized as I walked up to the front door and let myself into the house. Honestly, I didn’t deserve anyone. As much as it killed me to admit it, Ellen was right. I’d been using this strike as a way to fight with Cash. If I hadn’t been so blinded, so obsessed with wi

I was trying to figure out what I’d say to Cash when I confronted him—how I’d start, what arguments I’d make, whether I should lie about how I felt—when I walked into the kitchen, where my family sat waiting for me at the table. Waiting so that Logan could give me the news. Waiting with one extra person.

“Je

But I could have guessed the answer.

chapter thirty

“Lissa,” Dad said, a laugh still on his lips. “Honey, come in and sit down. Logan has something to tell us.”

I was frozen in the kitchen doorway, the bag I’d packed for the night at Ellen’s hanging loosely from my fingertips. I didn’t want Je

“So,” I said slowly. “You’re… You’ve been dating Je

They exchanged a look before my brother focused his attention squarely on me. “Yes,” he said. “I have. I didn’t want to tell you because—Well, if things didn’t work out, I didn’t want it to be awkward for you at work.”

“I actually asked him to keep it a secret,” Je

“I figured it out a while ago,” I said. “I just hoped you’d break up soon.”

“Lissa,” Dad scolded. “Stop that.”

“Sit down,” Logan said, his voice losing its cheery edge.

I didn’t move, just looked back and forth between them for a minute. I had a sinking suspicion that dating wasn’t the reason for this family meeting. Je

“Oh my God,” I gasped. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

“What?” Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline.

“No!” Je

Logan shook his head and squeezed her hand on top of the table.

I thought I’d be sick.

“Then why are you telling us this now?” I asked. “If you aren’t pregnant, why not continue to keep the whole dating thing a secret?”

“Lissa, honey,” Dad said. “Logan has some news for us. Go ahead, Logan.”

Logan glanced at Je

I felt a rubber band begin to contract around my lungs. “What?”

Je

“I heard him!” I snapped at her, unable to keep my cool. “I… What? Where? When?”

“At the begi

“I’m going to Northwestern,” Je

“What about the classes you’re taking right now at the community college?” Dad asked.

“My professors are letting me finish online,” she said. “I want us to have time to settle in and learn the area before I jump right into school.”

“And I’m going to apply for grad school,” Logan said. “Like I pla

“You can’t leave,” I said, my voice coming out cracked and pathetic. I shook my head and tried again. “You can’t leave, Logan. You can’t… you can’t go that far away. And you two barely know each other! You’ve been dating, like… like, a month. That’s not enough time to move in together.”

“I know,” Logan said. He smiled at Je

And I could tell.

I didn’t want to, but I could tell.

Logan was in love with her.

I felt a sense of panic boiling in my chest. I felt my lungs contracting with fear, frustration, and worry. More than ever, I truly hated Je