Shut Out

I laughed. “It’s not really a battle,” I told him, readjusting the last Bible on the shelf so that the spine faced properly outward. It struck me how inappropriate it was to have this conversation in front of so many Bibles. “If anything, the battle is one-sided, since the boys aren’t really doing much about it.”

“That’s about to change.”

I turned around, and my breath caught in my chest when I realized just how close he was standing to me. My back was pressed into the shelves, but our chests were almost touching. I had to tilt my head to look up at Cash, he was so close, and I was surprised when he didn’t back away from me. Instead, he held his ground and gri

“W-what do you mean?” I stammered, trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest. I cleared my throat and inched to one side.

Cash blinked and stepped back a little, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sorry. Personal bubble, radii, all that.”

“It’s okay,” I said, trying not to think about a dream that had started with us in a very similar position to the one we’d just been standing in. “But, um… What do you mean about that changing? The battle-of-the-sexes thing.”

“Well, I thought about what you said yesterday, that stuff about the boys not being organized. You’re right. We aren’t, but that’s changing.”

“How?”

“I’ve decided to take over,” he said. “The same way you’re leading the girls, I’m going to lead the boys.”

I blinked, stu

“Why?”

“I have my reasons.” He gri

“I can’t believe this.”

“Believe it.” Then he took a step toward me, closer than he’d been before, close enough that he could have bent down and kissed me. For a second I thought he was going to. He was so close that our knees almost touched, and I could smell his cologne, feel his breath near my ear as his head lowered just a little. One of his hands was moving toward my hip when he said, “Because now that we’re organized, this will be over before you can say ‘Surrender.’ ”

I hadn’t even had time to take another breath when his hand reached behind me and removed a copy of the Children’s Bible. “Someone up front is looking for this,” Cash said, backing away from me. “See you later, Lissa.” He winked, turned, and walked off.

chapter twenty-­one

I was making di

I’d seen him in the cafeteria and passed him in the hallway, but every time he got close, Chloe would yank me into the girls’ bathroom out of sight or I’d duck into a classroom on my own, not sure whether I wanted him to apologize or just leave me alone for good. The fact was, I did miss him. We’d been together for more than a year, so it was kind of impossible not to. And I noticed that after that first day in the cafeteria, The Blonde never seemed to be with him. I wondered if he’d dropped her. Or if she’d dropped him.

I’d half expected and half hoped Randy would show up to apologize the day after Homecoming, but after the weekend passed, I assumed it wouldn’t happen. So I wasn’t prepared for him to show up at my house that night.

I’d just checked on the roast when the doorbell rang. I’d started to take off my oven mitts to go answer when Dad called, “I’ll get it!”

I heard his wheels roll across the carpet and, a second later, the door creaked open.

The silence didn’t get my attention at first—I figured it was just someone trying to sell something—and I went on setting the table. But then Dad’s voice, low and tired, caught my ear.

“Randy. Can I help you?”

“Hey, Mr. Daniels.” His voice sounded so upbeat. So relaxed and normal. It put a spear through my chest to hear him so happy when he’d left me so miserable. “Is Lissa around?”

Dad sighed. “She is, but I don’t think she should see you.”

“Listen, sir,” Randy said a little more seriously. “I just need to—”

“I know what happened at Homecoming, Randy,” Dad said. “She told me. And I think it’s best if you go.”

“But—Okay. Can you just…”

One, two, three, four…

Randy let out a long breath. “Can you just tell her that I’m sorry? I know I screwed up, but I love her.”

“Sure thing.”

A second later the door closed. I put a plate down at Logan’s usual seat and turned toward the living room. Dad was sitting in the doorway, watching me. “I guess you heard the message.”

“I did. Thanks.”

“You didn’t want to see him, did you? I should have asked.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“Do you miss him?” Dad asked.

I walked over to the silverware drawer and took out the knives and forks we’d need that night. “Yes,” I admitted. “I miss the way he could make me laugh and his stupid grin and how sweet he could be. I just don’t know if that’s enough to forgive him.”

“Yeah.” Dad sighed. “I understand that. I miss him a little, too. But seeing him just now and remembering how upset you were this weekend… Even if you two worked things out, I don’t know that I could ever look at him the same again.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that,” I told him, walking back to the table and putting on the finishing touches. “I’m joining a convent after high school. No more boys.”

“Don’t tease me that way,” Dad said. “I might actually start to believe you.”

“I mean it.”

“You don’t.”

I shook my head and sank down into one of the chairs. “The roast will be done in about half an hour,” I said. “Hopefully it’s good.”

“It will be.”

I smiled, and Dad rolled back into the living room, understanding without my saying it that I needed to be alone for a minute.

It hadn’t felt as good as I’d hoped to hear Randy’s apology. I wasn’t quite tempted to run back into his embrace, the way I’d feared I would be. Instead, I just kept imagining him kissing The Blonde and wondering, for the thousandth time, why I hadn’t been good enough. Why I was only worth keeping if I’d sleep with him. He hadn’t just broken my heart—he’d humiliated me in front of our friends.

I loved Randy. I knew that. But I could never trust him again.

So, sitting in my kitchen, I made myself a promise: No matter what happened, I would never take Randy back again. Not a second time. Not ever. This time, as hard as it was to accept, our relationship was really over.

By Thursday night, I’d decided that I officially hated the entire male population. As if Randy, Cash, and the boys at school tormenting me about my sex life weren’t enough, I also had to deal with my brother, who, it was clear, truly enjoyed torturing me.

I was already having a bad night. It started when Je

“That means you two have to close up together,” she told Cash and me as she grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair at the front desk. “Finish shelving the returned books, turn off all the lights, be sure to power down the computer. And lock the doors, for God’s sake.”

“Je

She narrowed her eyes at me and flipped her red hair over her shoulder. “Just don’t get distracted,” she said, tossing a not-so-subtle glance at Cash, who was standing a few feet behind me. She lowered her voice when she turned back to me and added, “I’ve seen the way you look at him, and let me just tell you, workplace romances, while incredibly hot, never work out.”