Better Off Friends

Gramps asked everybody to quiet down. “I want to thank you all for coming here to bid our favorite granddaughter good-bye.”

“Your only granddaughter,” I clarified.

There was laughter from the guests.

“But I think it would only be appropriate to send Macallan off with a parting glass.”

There were nods from their friends, who lifted up a glass. I joined them in the toast, but was unfamiliar with the song they started to play.

Gramps looked at me fondly and began to sing,

Of all the money that e’er I had,

I spent it in good company.

And all the harm that e’er I’ve done

Alas, it was to none but me.

And for all I’ve done for want of wit,

To mem’ry now I can’t recall.

Everybody joined in at this part:

So fill to me the parting glass.

Good night and joy be with you all.

Gran then joined Gramps as he wrapped his arm around her. She sang in a clear beautiful voice:

To all the comrades that e’er I had,

They’re sorry for my going away.

She smiled warmly at me.

And all the sweethearts that e’er I had,

They’d wish me one more day to stay.

But since it falls unto my lot,

That I should rise and you should not,

I’ll gently rise and softly call.

Good night and joy be with you all.

I felt tears rolling down my face. I should’ve been sad about leaving my grandparents and this wonderful place, but the tears weren’t for them.

And Liam knew it. “I’ll make it simple for you,” he said, leaning in. “If you want to be with him, be with him.”

My throat felt tight. “I can’t.”

He shook his head. Liam often teased me about making things difficult — typical American, he’d fondly call me. “I’d ask why, but you and I both know there isn’t any excuse good enough. Stop making excuses and be with him.”

I knew he was right. And it terrified me.

“Do you want to be with him?”

I didn’t think. I answered what I knew was the truth. “Yes.”

“Then be with him.” He got up and joined the group at the front singing.

Good night and joy be with you all.

I was surprised they didn’t hold me at customs since I was so shaky and nervous. As soon as I got my proper entrance stamp and baggage, I bounded for the greeting area. I ran out and didn’t have to wait more than two seconds before I heard Dad, Uncle Adam, and Levi calling out for me. I turned and saw Levi holding a huge sign: BLIMEY IF WE KNOW WHERE MACALLAN IS!

I laughed and ran up to them. There was a flurry of hugs and exchanges of “I missed you” and “You look great!” Dad and Adam took my luggage and went to get the car while Levi waited with me outside.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” he said. He wrapped his arm around me and I fell into him. We both stayed there for a while. It felt right. It had always felt right. But I’d kept telling myself that it would ruin our friendship. Never had I thought about how it could make things even better between us. I knew the average high school couple rarely made it work long-term, but there was nothing average about Levi and me.

I heard his phone go off, and he silenced it. I closed my eyes again, grateful to be back with him. Back home. Happy that the awkwardness we’d had when I left had been erased. I reached for his hand and entwined his fingers with mine. I was debating telling him everything right there and then, but the last thing I wanted was for my dad and uncle to drive up during that conversation, especially if it ended in a kiss. I was pretty sure my dad would be making up new rules about when and where we could be together if he saw that.

Levi’s phone went off again. He reached to silence it again, and I noticed an unfamiliar name on the screen.

“Who’s Stacey?” I asked before I had a chance to stop myself.

Levi pulled away from me. “Oh, yeah, that.” He shuffled uncomfortably. “I wanted to wait for you to be settled in before I told you that you and Stacey would not be allowed to be at parties together.” He laughed lightly.

Why would this girl and I not be allowed to go to …

No.

It hit me like a wall of bricks.

“You have a girlfriend.”

“Well, we’ve been hanging out — I’m not sure I’d say girlfriend yet. But she’s cool. Stacey Hobbs — she’s our year and on the cheerleading squad.”

“Oh.” I knew who he was talking about, but I was trying to figure out how this had happened and why Levi had conveniently neglected to mention anything to me about it. I found myself stepping away from him a bit, needing some distance to try to make sense of it all.

“But enough about me. Tonight is all about you.” Levi stepped forward. “I should warn you that Mom’s obsessed with making shepherd’s pie for you tonight to ease you back into the Midwest. And you know how paranoid she gets cooking for you, so throw in some brilliants and all will be good.”

I gave him a weak smile.

“Come here. I missed you so much.” He put his arms around me again. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to let go. Having your best friend leave you for the summer blows.” He kissed me on the forehead. “But I promise to stop being jealous and want to hear every detail of your trip. I want to be inundated with photos and stories that will make me green with envy. I mean it. You have to tell me everything.”

But I really couldn’t tell him everything, since there was one thing I had to keep to myself.

Awk-ward!

Dude, do you realize if you’d said something right then, everything would’ve been different?

Like you would no longer call me dude?

Whatever, dude. But don’t pretend that I’m the one into drama when you yourself led us into more drama.

You got me there.

So you’re admitting that I’m totally right?

No. Because you have to admit life is more interesting with a little drama.

Are you serious? Life is more of a pain in the rear with drama.

Oh, wait, you’re totally right on that one. My bad.

I was so stoked to have Macallan back. Summer wasn’t the same without her around. It wasn’t until she was truly gone, thousands of miles away, that I realized how much time we spent together each summer. And yeah, even though I had my guys, it was different. It didn’t feel the same. Nothing was the same without her.

At first I was mad at her for going away, but then I got it. We probably needed a break to reassess things.

I truly loved Macallan, I did. But I realized that she didn’t feel the same, so if the only way I could have her in my life was as a friend, that’s what we’d be.

I admit, she looked so cute when she got out of customs at the airport. She had that sleepy look she got when she was either super tired or under a lot of pressure. She was pretty quiet on the drive home and at di

I probably should’ve told her about Stacey while she was in Ireland, but it never had felt like the right time. Stacey was great and really cool, but truthfully I thought I should have a girlfriend by the time Macallan got back solely to avoid any more awkwardness. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or to think I was still pining over her. I had to put that aside if I wanted things to go back to normal.